The Legend of Groose: Skyward Pompadour
by potatosaurusrex
Summary: Groose is sent on the quest to rescue Zelda, slay the evil plaguing the land, AND keep his pompadour looking as awesome as ever. CAN HE DO IT? "I am Groose, mighty hero of Grooseland, slayer of flamboyant men, the savior of the Goddesses, the hunk the girls of Skyloft dream of, the hero this world deserves! I am Groose!" Please Read and Review!
1. Groose's Awakening

Link walked into the hidden room contained within the Statue of the Goddess. He had followed the magical-flying-fairy-lady-thing into this chamber, and there, in front of him, rested the sword that would seal his fate as the hero of destiny. The sword began to glow. As Link walked up to it, the sound of heavy footsteps approached behind him, and an angry looking Groose grabbed him by his shirt, and lifted him off the ground before he could even react.

"You got a lot of nerve, beating me in the Wing Ceremony! You think you're better than me, don't you! Huh? You little runt, I'm gonna…"

As Groose continued to drill the young hero-to-be, the spirit within the sword arose with a faint hum. Her blue figure glistened in the dimly lit sword chamber.

"Master ?", she called out, watching the two struggle with each other. Link had broken free of Groose's grip, and was now trying to wildly throw punches at him. Groose easily dodged these, and shoved Link out of the way. Link stumbled backwards, fell, and smashed his head on one of the pillars. He descended to the floor, his limp body almost flailing in slow motion. Groose simply shrugged it off. I mean really, he was nothing important. Who should care that he was injured or not? On the other, Hylia forbid something should happen to Groose.

He curiously walked up to the pedestal, looking at the sword. It was a pretty cool sword. Groose glanced around, looking for that blue figure that had seemed to emerge from within the sword itself. She was nowhere to be found. So, Groose took the sword, and cautiously pulled it out of the pedestal it rest in.

"Well?" Groose asked aloud. He had expected something to happen, because after all, what idiot leaves a dumb old normal sword inside a hidden chamber, guarded by that… blue thing. Groose waved it around, wildly swinging the sword from side to side. "Come on, what's the matter with this stupid thing?". Groose started pounding on the hilt, trying to get some reaction from within the sword.

"Are you quite finished?"

Groose dropped the sword out of shock, nearly impaling his foot. "Who said that?" he inquired. "Is it that blue fairy thing?"

"I prefer the designation 'Fi', but you may call me by whatever you like, master."

"Master? Whoa whoa, I never agreed to anything…"

"Are you not the hero of legend, chosen to defeat evil by the goddesses?"

"Uh, hero… yeah, that sounds about right. Does this 'legend' mention anything about my awesome pompadour?"

A loud shout arose from behind the two, interrupting their conversation. "Groose! What the hell did you do!? Is that Link, passed out on the floor?"

Groose turned to see Headmaster Gaepora, staring at him. "I can explain, you see, I-"

"I don't care what happened, it's what is going to happen," Gaepora cut him off. Groose intently listened, and Fi loomed over him, casting a faint blue tint over him. "You are the chosen hero of the goddess. I will admit, at first I thought it was going to be Link-", he glanced over at the rag doll-like body awkwardly laying on the floor "-but I think the spirit of the sword takes to you as her master."

Gaepora continued, "A handful of words have been passed down from generation to generation, a story of how the hero is supposed to save our world in a time of need." Gaepora cleared his throat, and recited in a deep, proud voice, "When the light of the goddess's sword shines bright, the great apocalypse will awake from its long slumber." "Do not fear, for it is then that a youth, guided by my hand, shall reveal himself in a place most sacred."

The blue figure spoke up, "Ah yes, the oral tradition, one of the least reliable methods of information retention and transmission."

Gaepora looked up, stunned. "Are you questioning my knowledge of the ancient scrolls? How dare you, servant of the Goddess!" He turned to Groose, saying, "Now you must go and rescue Zelda. You must save the land from the evil lurking within it. The world's fate is in your hands." Groose merely smirked at the proposition. _He_ of all people, was going to save the people he didn't even like? But then again, there was Zelda… yeah, he guessed he could save her.

While he wasn't watching, Fi summoned an emerald tablet. After 'accidentally' dropping it on Gaepora, she handed it to Groose, who then inserted it into the tablet-shaped opening in the wall in front of him, absent-mindedly. Gaepora got up off the ground, and informed Groose of what might lay ahead.

"So, are you up to the task?"

"Uh… ok."

"Good, now leave this chamber, and begin your adventure."

As Groose walked out he door, sword in hand, ready to face whatever the hell was out there waiting for him, he heard a voice call out behind him.

"And take that blue bitch with you, too!"


	2. Sir Groose the Auctioneer

Groose walked into the bazaar. The headmaster had insisted he get a goodnight's rest, which he had. He then pawned off some wimpy clothes on him. Groose figured they had to be worth something, and he needed supplies for his journey, so he figured he'd kill two loftwings with one stone, and try and trade it for supplies. The room quieted down as he made his way to the center of the tent.

"AHEM. I am going to be leaving on a-"

I took merely 7 words, and the entire room erupted in cheers. Groose couldn't decide if they were happy for him, or if they were just happy that he was leaving.

"I'M NOT DONE. I am going to need supplies. So, I offer you all… THIS UNIFORM!" He held the green clothing up, receiving a couple of "ooh"s and "aah"s from the crowd. An old man sitting at a table cried out,

"Aren't those the clothes of the hero?"

"I don't know, nor do I care gramps."

The crowd murmured, and several people shot him dirty looks. The woman running the small establishment the old man was sitting at declared, "You can't just go around trying to sell those! That uniform is a symbol of knighthood. How dare you try to profit off of it!". The crowd started to condemn him, and Groose got even more agitated.

As Groose was about ready to impale the old man, a weak voice called out from around the corner, "I'll fit you with what you need."

Groose looked around, and dismissed the crowd. He walked past the strange gizmo dude's counter and found a frail young-looking boy sitting on a chest.

"I'll take those off your hands."

Groose, for fear that this boy might reject the offer if any of the bazaar folk act up again, shoved the clothes off on the boy immediately. In exchange, he received a shield, a bottle, a handful of rupees, and some amber relics. Groose was happy with the trade, and headed out. People had gone back to their normal, useless state of life in the bazaar. Groose left the tent, and the sword placed at his side suddenly glowed. He jumped a bit, then pulled the blade from his waist. Fi flew out of the sword.

"Master Groose, I believe there's a 87% chance that the trade you made with that character was not an intelligent thing to do."

"Shut up Fi, everything I do is intelligent."

"Master Groose, there's a 100% chance you're wrong."


	3. Ground Control to Major Groose

**Author's Note: Hooray for advancing the storyline! I want to thank you for reading, and don't forget to review! This is my first story, so helpful reviews and criticism is greatly appreciated. Special Thanks to Captain Rodriguez, for his amazing proofreading skills.**

* * *

Groose stood at the edge of the town plaza, looking afar at the glowing green pillar of light beaming up from what might lay below the clouds.

"Master, my calculations say that the more time you spend being a lazy ass and standing here, the farther our goal gets away from us."

"Sure, whatever." Groose jumped on his Loftwing, and flew away into the swirling beam of light before him. His adventure was beginning. And his hair still looked great.

* * *

What lay below the surface was amazing! There were big green, leafy bushes, and tiny Loftwings, too! Groose doubted anyone could ride them. He landed in a big spirally area, with a temple to his right. He started towards it, when the sky darkened.

"What the hell is going on? Fi, did you do this?", Groose asked, waiting for an answer. He kept running towards the temple.

"No, Master Groose." Fi replied from inside the sword. Suddenly, from the center of the spiraling grounds, rose… something. Groose was pushed back, and dazed, tried to make out the figure standing before him. As his vision cleared, there stood a giant- a giant Groose. The real Groose was confused. Standing in front of him was… him? The giant Groose stared at him, and his skin darkened to a menacing shade of black. His eyes began to glow a horrendous red, and a dark aura began to emit from him. An ear piercing shriek broke Groose out of his trance.

"What the hell is that thing?", Groose cried out, backing up against the temple doors. The world around him grew dark, and the monster in front of him smiled. He rose his fist, and came down hard at Groose! Suddenly, it disappeared. Gone. Just gone. Groose felt a sharp pain in his pompadour. Oh wait, it might have been his head. Groose wasn't sure, and that was the last thing he thought about before passing out.

* * *

"Where am I… Did I die?" Groose looked up to see a saggy old prune of a woman attempting to drag him into the temple. The sword at his side suddenly began to glow, and Fi's voice rang out.

"Unfortunately, my calculations indicate that no, you are not dead."

"Thanks for all your support."

The old lady dropped Groose and said, in a shriveled up old voice, "Welcome to my temple."


	4. IMA GROOSIN MAH LASER

**Author's Note: Thank you all for the criticism, I am working on my description skills, and plan on doing more with that when describing Faron. Which will happen in the next couple of chapters, I can assure you. Remember to read and review!**

* * *

"Uh, yeah." Groose looked at the tiny woman. "How did I get here?"

"Why, young man, I dragged you here.", she replied.

"Um, thanks? Yeah, but I really ne-"

"Welcome to my temple!", she cried.

"Yes, I know.", Groose said. "So what am I supposed to be doing?"

"You must strike down the stone of darkness."

"So, where is it?"

"Welcome to my temple!"

Groose sighed, and looked at the senile old lady. She stood with the same dim-witted posture she had been in when he had woken up. He decided she was going to be of no help to him. Although, that 'stone of darkness' did sound important, so Groose decided that if any of his questions were going to be answered, perhaps that stone would help. He got up, and walked out of the temple.

Groose stood at the edge of the cliffs outside the temple. He then summoned Fi, and asked her, "Do you have any idea where I might find this 'stone of darkness' thing?".

Fi let out a long, excruciated sigh, and gestured to a floating stone in the middle of the spiraling cliffs. A dark aura emanated from it, and a black smoke seemed to creep up from the ground beneath it.

"So you think that stone down there might have clues as to where the 'stone of darkness' is?", Groose asked her.

Fi sifted back into the sword without another word. Groose merely shrugged, and began to run down. As he reached the bottom, a voice bellowed through his head. It was telling him to "hold his sword to the sky" or something. So, Groose held his sword aloft. Nothing. Groose pulled it back down, and muttered softly to himself, "Maybe I need to recalibrate it…" He tried again, to no avail. He started smacking the hilt, and he tried again. Nothing happened. Next, he tried slamming the sword into the ground. He triumphantly held his sword skyward. Still nothing. Groose was furious.

Fi popped out of the sword. "Master, there's a 100% chance the blade needs to face towards the sky. Not the hilt. If I had arms I'd do this myself."

Groose replied to her, "I don't know Fi. I think I'm more powerful than the sky. You'd think it would have an easier time drawing power from me and my pompadour."

Fi sharply answered, "That's bullshit and there's a 99.79% chance I'm correct."

Groose looked at her, and said in a mocking voice perhaps a small child would use, "Ok, we'll try it your way, all knowing one." He held high his sword, this time with the blade pointed up. A sudden burst of power, almost heavenly, surged through the blade. Groose could feel the blade's true power spark to life in his very hands.

He pointed it at the stone, almost as if he was calling it out. "Here goes nothing, I guess.", he said unsurely, and took a mighty hack at the stone.

A sudden burst of light flew out of the sword! It struck the stone, and it sank into the ground, while symbols engraved on the side lit up with the power of the goddess.

Groose stood there, motionless, almost unbelieving it what had just happened. As he looked at the lush environment around him, knowing his adventure was starting he only had a couple of words. They escaped his mouth, in a loud shout that echoed off the walls of the Sealed Grounds themselves.

"I have **laser beams!"**


	5. Groose Meets the Kikwis, Man

Groose stood at the bottom of the Sealed Grounds, almost not believing what had just happened. He had… laser beams! That had magical powers, too! The lasers had made the squiggly symbols on the side of the rock glow a bright yellow, making them pop out in contrast with the dark background of the rock. He took a good look at the symbols. There were three big ones he looked at closely. One looked like water or something, the next looked like a circle with crescents around it. And the third one… Groose wasn't sure what the third on looked like. There were three circles, and then, like, three interlocking crescents or something.

"Can we get going master?", Fi asked. Groose looked up from the glowing stone.

"Uh, yeah, sure." Groose paced up the spiraling ground, contemplating what might come next. Maybe, if he was lucky, there would be more laser beams.

"Master Groose", Fi said, as they walked up to the temple, "I feel the need to inform you of a few things that will make this journey easier for you, and less irritating for myself. First is dowsing. I can find things by tracing them. It's useful approximately 85% of the time. For instance, if I dowsed 'idiot', your sword will start glowing if it points towards you."

Groose wasn't really paying attention, because Fi kept going on and on and on. He just continued walking, nodding his head as he went. He did perk up, though, when he heard 'beams'.

"Wait… beams as in… laser beams?" Groose asked excitedly.

"Well, sort of. You see, you can place these beacons on your map, and a beam will shoot up wherever you placed it."

As Groose reached the top of the grounds, he couldn't get his mind off of the wonderful proposition of more laser beams! He entered the temple, and it took less then three seconds before Groose heard it.

"Welcome to my temple!"

Groose shoved the lady aside, looted all her chests, and left the temple by exiting out the door to his right.

As he walked towards the giant, thriving tree in the distance, he came across a weird rock statue. It almost looked like a fat human. Groose nearly had a heart attack when it started talking.

"Well, hey there!", the rock thing boomed.

Groose armed his sword, and didn't even notice the statue with the bird next to him began to glow.

"Is that… the sword of the Goddess?", the boulder man asked, "Why, that's fabled to have the ability to awaken these here-"

There was a loud zapping noise, and a bright flash of light. A pile of ash sat where the rock man had once stood. Fi materialized in front of Groose.

"Master, why the hell did you do that?"

"I'm supposed to be killing monsters, aren't I? This is a quest, right?"

"Master, there was a 99% chance that he was helpful!"

"And that one percent could have killed me. Let's move on, shall we?"

As displeased as she was, Fi followed Groose into the lush and vibrant forest. As they entered, Groose looked around at the growing world around him. It was kind of like an overgrown version of Professor Owlan's room. There were lots of plants, some Groose sort-of recognized because they resembled plants in Skyloft, and some were completely new. One of the ones he didn't recognize was a big, bulbous-looking plant. It had little sparkly-thingies floating around. As he approached it, he heard a small squealing noise. Groose jumped back in terror.

"What the hell was that, Fi?", he asked. Before she could answer, a small, black and white creature waddled out from behind it. It had the sparkly spores in it hand, which it gobbled down, and emitted a loud squealing noise, identical to the one Groose had heard seconds ago.

"Hey man," the small creature squealed, "What's up man?"

Groose stood silently, puzzled at this strange, timid animal. "Um, what are you, exactly?"

"I'm everything, man, I'm anything I want to be, man. I can be the man, man. I can smell the colors and taste the sounds, man. I can, man."

"Master, I detect an foreign substance in this creature's body that creates hallucinations and causes pleasure for the user."

Groose stared at the creature, wondering what sort of circumstances could drive anyone to this. He shrugged it off, and continued on his way. He came across a couple monsters, but they were easily defeated with a simple laser beam. After fighting them all off, he came across a giant, pulsing blob. It sat up, and was revealed to be another drug addict.

"Oh goddesses, not another one…", Groose said.

"Tis I, the Kikwi lord!". the oversized drugee bellowed. "Have you come with offerings of shrooms and other trippy delights?"

"No, I came to find out where I'm supposed to be going!" Groose screamed up to the beast.

"Well, why are you asking me?"

"Because you live here, I'm on a quest to save a girl, and you might be able to help, you useless freak of nature!"

"I think I may have seen the girl you speak of. But, alas, I am worried about my fellow Kikwis. Where could they have gone?"

"They all left you so they could go get some drugs."

"They did? Well thank you, young hero! The girl went that way!" The blob gestured towards the stone structure sitting towards the north. Groose sighed, and was on his way again.

* * *

"Is everything in place?"

"Yes, sir."

"_Fabulous…"_


	6. The Groosest Show in Faron

As Groose walked towards the stone structure, there were a couple of doubts in his mind about his ability to adventure. How was it that this blue fairy Fi knew so much, and he didn't? It just didn't make any sense. Groose was the hero here, not her! He knew he would have to prove to the Goddesses that he could handle himself just find! He just kept walking, passing the structure, going through a tunnel, covering more ground as he went. Eventually, he got to a long, tightrope. A red monster was at the other end.

"Pff, I can handle this guy.", Groose said, with confidence in his voice. He jumped on the tight rope, and started walking across.

Fi jumped out of the sword. "Master, I must warn you, tha-"

"Not now Fi, it's hero time!"

Groose was now a quarter of the way across.

"But master, the creature can su-"

"I'm not listening, Fi."

He was now half way across.

"MASTER."

Groose stopped, annoyed with the sword spirit. "Fi, what the hell do you want!?"

Suddenly, the creature across the gap pulled out a trumpet, blew it, and ran away with a raspy laugh. Groose stood on the tightrope, wondering what had just happened. Fi looked at him, and said "Master, there's a 100% chance that more are coming."

"Fi, please, remember how many times I've proven your statistics wrong?"

"You didn't prove them wrong, you just ignored them."

There was a loud series of grunts and screeching noises. From atop the cliffs surrounding the area, roughly 20 more red monsters appeared, and they surround the ends of the tightrope. Groose was stuck.

Groose looked across at the monsters. They couldn't be that hard to fight, right? Suddenly, one jumped on, and rapidly started running towards him. Groose panicked. He took the sword in his hand, and threw it at the monster. The sword struck the monster in the face, and both the monster and the sword fell. There was a drowning yell coming from the sword that echoed off the walls of the chasm below him: "I hate youuu…"

Groose couldn't tell if it was the monster or Fi screaming at him. The monsters didn't stop to think twice. They all ran off, scared that they could be next. Groose stood on tightrope, all alone. Then he screamed, "I win!" Groose knew this would be a piece of cake. He walked across, noting that while he was powerless without the sword… Oh wait. He was Groose. Powerless wasn't in his dictionary! He proudly ventured on, and it wasn't soon before he reached the dungeon. Or at least what he assumed was the dungeon. For all he knew, it was a fancy bathroom. He took a deep breath, and began to walk down the steps, entering the dungeon.

* * *

Groose observed the atmosphere. It was a dark and grimy stone structure, overgrown with plants. It was illuminated by only the… mushrooms. Oh goddess. More mushrooms. Groose knew he was staying away from those things. That was a no brainer. He began to walk down the stairs, hoping they led towards his goal. He didn't really know what the goal was, he just figured that if he went in one direction, he'd run into Zelda eventually. He was still walking when he ran into the giant cobweb. He tried to pull away, but it was too late. He was stuck.

"Oh come on! There aren't even spiders this big! This is ridiculous!"

Groose was pissed off. He'd managed to get to the dungeon, all on his own, and then got caught in some insect's knitting project. It sickened him. He thrashed around, trying to break free, but he only got himself more covered in the sticky white thread.

"This is complete bullshit.", he said. He hung his head. Or, he tried to. The only thing that wasn't caught in the web was his pompadour. He supposed it was a start, at least. He started working by slowly peeling his neck, then chest, and then his arms from the web. Once he was there, he leaned forward, and his waist and legs gave. Groose fell forward. He was free! And then he face planted, right onto a mushroom.


	7. Groose's Mushroom Samba

It had been hours since Fi had been thrown down the chasm. But after practically hours of lugging the sword up the chasm walls, she had finally made it to the top. Being that she was only semi-tangible in the world around her made the task that more difficult. But she had done it. She sighed, contemplating whether she should leave that hulking idiot to die. In the end, she decided against it. She knew that wasn't what the goddesses wanted. She picked up the sword, and started on her way, setting her dowsing powers to 'idiot', and following the trail.

* * *

Fi arrived at the temple, only to find Groose passed out on a mushroom.

"Master?", she called to him, and he murmured something in response. He rolled over, revealing a face covered with glowing blue mushroom spores.

"Master, did you eat… Oh Goddesses, you did.", Fi observed. Groose stood up, fell down, and stood up again.

"Hi, Fi, you are how?", he gurgled, hacking up a spore in the process.

"Master, you are in no condition to traverse this dungeon. You're staying where you are until the mushroom's effects wear off."

"Nonsense!", Groose cried, and attempted to swipe at Fi. His hand passed through her, and smacked him in the face. Obviously puzzled, Groose did it again, and then a third time, before he broke out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. He got up, and stumbled into the spider web. The now weakened threads snapped as he fell through them, and he rolled down the stairs, screaming something about flying Kikwis.

Fi followed him, knowing that he would get hurt if she didn't. She lost track of him after a while, and he had been rolling down the stairs for a long time. As she reached a locked door at the end of the corridor, she looked around, wondering where he could have gone. Suddenly, she heard a loud cry.

"Off get, now scum!", Groose said, screaming from atop the ledge Fi stood under. He had his arm stuck in a Deku Baba, and was wildly kicking the stem in an attempt to free himself. Fi, still carrying the sword, floated up to him, and cut the deku baba at its stem. Groose watched intently as the plant monster shriveled up on his arm. He took a bite out of it, spit it out, and fell face first on the ground. Fi could only follow him at this point, completing the dungeon for him. As Groose picked himself up, he walked into the next room. He immediately noticed the eyeball on the wall. He ascended the platform, staring at it.

"Master, are you okay?"

"It stares your into soul.", Groose said, eyes fixated on it. All of a sudden, he lunged at it, grabbing onto it with his hands. The eye turned red, started flashing, and fell to the ground, with Groose. Fi heard the sound of a door opening, and so she picked up the sword and followed.

Groose sat on the ground, playing with some spiky little ticking ball things. 'Wait, ticking?', Fi thought. Then they started flashing red. Groose started giggling, and Fi ran up and swatted it away from him. Groose became enraged!

The colors started to flash around Groose. The Kikwi were mocking his table manners, and his cold pumpkin soup would have none of it! He grabbed his socks, placed them carefully on his pompadour, and charged towards them. They sprouted wings, and flew towards the oboe in the sky. He slammed into the giant kikwi, who cried, "Time is flowing, flowing through the veins of life, man!". He crumbled under the immense pressure of the chipmunks. Groose was left all alone.

Fi wasn't sure what had just happened. Groose had screamed, and ran into the locked door across the room she knew would lead to the next part of the dungeon. He had broken through the door, and the chain and lock which had prevented it from opening, previously. He barged into the room, which was lit with a radiant yellow in contrast to the previous section of the dungeon. There was what appeared to be a smaller structure inside the room, which Groose had run into. From inside, she heard Groose, screaming again.

"Where put have you the time, great kikwi!?", he screamed nonsensically. There was the sound of swords being swung, and other various fight noises. Then it was silent. Fi waited for Groose to come out, when she realized she had the sword. Those noises couldn't have been Groose. She sped through the wall, to find Groose standing there with a chest raised high above his head. Fi sighed in relief, and watched as Groose used the unopened chest as a battering ram, screaming more nonsense, completely disregarding the elaborate dungeon puzzles set up by… whoever had set them up, really. Fi didn't know. Groose continued this until he reached the boss chamber.

Groose slowly began to wake from his drug-induced state.

"F…Fi? Where am I? Why does the Kikwi want my blood and time?", Groose asked, still under the mushroom's effects. Fi didn't get time to respond, as a very flamboyant man appeared with a flash before their very eyes.

"Greeting, hero. I see you've traversed my… fabulous dungeon with ease. That won't be the case with me, though.", said the strange being, as he began to laugh maniacally.

"Master, I detect a 99% chance this man is extremely vulnerable.", Fi reported to her master.

"What? Blasphemy! Blasphemy in the name of the Demon Lord! For I am the great and fabulous Ghirahim!"

"My statistics don't lie."

Groose screamed, "I'm like a woodpecker!", and threw the chest at Ghirahim. He cried out in pain, as the chest landed on him.

"You haven't… seen the last of… me.", he croaked, and disappeared.

"But with dirt!", Groose finished his sentence, and walked over to the chest. He picked up the item inside, some sort of bug-like contraption, and walk out of the door in front of him. Fi grabbed the sword and the heart container, and followed him out.

After receiving the Ruby tablet, Groose incoherently returned to the sky, ready to start the next leg of his adventure.


	8. You Gotta Groose for your Right to Party

**Author's Note: This chapter is a bit more boring than the rest, but I found it acceptable. Also, went to the movies to see Wreck-it-Ralph. 10 out of 10, would see again! Please remember to read and review! All criticism is enjoyed!**

* * *

Groose dismounted his Loftwing, patting it on the head. "That's a good boy, thanks for the smooth ride. Now go on, shoo!", he said, mockingly. He watched as it flew away, and turned around to a beautiful, yet disgusting sight. A large banner was hung in the town plaza, reading 'Groose has left! REJOICE!", in Skyloftian.

"What the hell…", he murmured to himself. He thought he heard some chuckling from inside his sword, but he was too appalled to be bothered by it. Balloons were strung up around the entire city. It was decorated with colorful streamers, and decorations depicting him as some sort of… loser. Groose most certainly was not a loser! His gaze shifted to the Bazaar tent. There were happy shouts, and lively music was being played from the inside.

As he approached, he saw a little boy running around the plaza cheering. He recognized the boy as Gully. He walked up to him, but before Groose could say anything, the boy emitted a loud pitched shriek. "He's back! He's back!" Groose watched the little boy run up the stairs of Skyloft, into the bazaar.

The music stopped from inside. There was a little bit of whispering. After a few seconds of waiting, Headmaster Gaepora walked out of the tent. The music continued, and the Headmaster walked up to Groose. He had the faint smell of pumpkin ale on him.

"So… Groose… uh… what bring you to *hic* Skyloft?", Gaepora asked him, leaning from side to side due to the alcohol.

"I need to place this here tablet in the Goddess Statue. That way, I ca-"

"No more be said, my boy!", he said. "I shall have Link bring it there!"

The Headmaster called to Link, gestured very slowly to the tablet, then to the goddess statue, then back to the tablet again. He said, very slowly, "Do you understand?" Link nodded, and took the tablet.

"Groose, you may now leave.", Gaepora eagerly suggested.

"Actually, I think I'll accompany him."

"Suit yourself, just get the hell off of Skyloft in the next half-hour."

Groose followed Link up the stairs, past the academy, and up to the statue. As they got there, Link shoved Groose down, catching him off guard. He pounced on our hero like a cat.

"Do you know the hell I've been put through because of you?", Link screamed, "After waking up from a 24-hour coma, everyone thought I was crazy for claiming I was supposed to be the hero! Now, everyone's treating me like I'm some sort of idiot. On top of that, now I have to kiss up to you, you ass!" Link threw a punch at Groose, which struck him in the face. Groose pushed Link aside.

"This isn't getting you anywhere." , Groose wisely pointed out.

Link felt a tear roll down his cheek. He picked up the tablet laying on the ground, and threw it at Groose. It missed, but Link felt he had made his point.

"I hope you enjoy my destiny, you bastard." Link walked down the stairs without another word.

"What was his problem…", Groose reassured himself as he stood up. He brushed himself off, and walked into the Statue's chamber. As he walked up to the pedestal, he tried to put in the tablet. It wouldn't fit. He tried turning it, but still nothing. "Why is it that nothing ever works for me…", Groose said aloud. Fi popped out of the sword.

"Master, it's backwards."

"Again?", Groose set in the stone, and left.

* * *

Fledge was on his way to the party. For the first time, he had actually been invited to a party! He sped his loftwing, racing towards the floating islands. He was still flying when he saw a firework get shot from Skyloft, landing in front of him. Suddenly, a red beam of light shot up from the ground below! It burnt his loftwing to a crisp, and left him with 2nd degree burns pretty much everywhere.

"Not again…", he mumbled.


	9. Do Not Pass Groose, Do Not Collect 200

**Author's Note: Probably one of my favorite chapters so far, but let me know what you think! I've been wanting to do a joke like this for a while, but never really found a good place to fit it into. Enjoy!**

* * *

Groose boarded his loftwing. After leaving the Statue, he had bolted down the stairs, past the academy, and to the plaza, for fear that Gaepora was going to beat him to death with a smashed glass bottle. As he flew off into the sky, he headed towards the red beam. As he reached it, he tried to dismount, but his shirt got caught on the edge of his loftwing's saddle! He was carried a long way off course, then fell to his presumable death.

* * *

Groose woke up in a little rock cove of sorts. There were multiple waterfalls, with sparkling water pouring out them. He sat up, and gave his sword a tap.

"Hey Fi. Where are we?"

"We are at the Earth Spring, which was supposed to be our final destination for this leg of the quest. My calculations indicate that Zelda hasn't been here yet, so we must wait."

"So… What do you want to do in the meantime?"

* * *

Groose sat on the paved path, watching Fi count her spaces.

"Master, I detect a 100% chance I'd like to buy the Skyloft Knight Academy."

"Ugh, fine." Groose reluctantly handed her a title deed card reading 'Knight Academy' at the top.

"My roll!", Groose said eagerly. He rolled the dice, and got a 7. He moved his pewter Loftwing token forward 7 spaces. "Five… Six… Seven. There.", Groose said, but looked down only to see he had landed on the 'Bazaar' space, which Fi owned. He couldn't afford that many in-game rupees! "…uh, eight… nine… ten. There we go, all done." He had landed on the Lumpy Pumpkin, which he already owned.

"Master, I'm nearly all-knowing. You think I'm going to let a shitty cheat-move like that go on right under my olfactory sensors?", Fi said. Groose's face turned red.

"I…I don't know what you mean!", he stammered, as Fi took his piece and moved it back to the Bazaar. She folded her arm-appendage-things, and gave a triumphant "pay up.".

Groose reluctantly handed over the 50 rupees. "Ahem", Fi said, still looking at him. "With 2 dorms, that's 150."

"But I only have 107 rupees left!"

"Too bad, pay up."

Groose picked up his rupees, and threw them at Fi. She gladly put them down. It wasn't often she had a chance to unwind, and have a little of what the humans call… fun. And this 'fun' was very pleasing to her, beating this hulking dolt at an intellectual game.

Groose watched helplessly as Fi passed 'Go', collecting 20 more rupees. Not like she needed them. Her tiny sword piece landed on the just visiting section of the 'detention' square. She chuckled to herself. "Master, there's only a 2.555% chance you can beat me now."

Now Groose was furious! He picked up the dice, and hurled them at the board. They bounced a couple times, and then resolved with a '2' on one die, and a '6' on the other. He quickly moved his piece, landing on 'Goddess Statue". And guess who had it? Groose decided that instead of paying, he would go about this his own way.

"Master, what are you doing? You can't just take rupees from the bank!"

"I'm staging a robbery. I threatened the bank teller, and he just gave me all the money."

"And how are you forcing them to give you the money?"

"With my sword, of course!"

"I am your sword, you ass-hat."

"Oh. Dammit. Who made this stupid game in the first place? I hate Skyopoly!"

"Master, this game is a classic!"

"I know what we can play!" Groose pulled out a game from behind his back.

"Master, where'd you get that?"

"That's not important Fi. I want you to meet… POMPANOPOLY!"

Fi gave a sarcastically entertained look at his game. Even that went away when Groose opened up the box.

"Master. Why do all the game spaces have pompadours on them? All the tokens are pompadours, too. Even the dice? Really? Master, this game is st-"

"Let's play, you go first."

"I quit."

"I win!"

Suddenly, the door behind the two companions flew open. There was a pretty girl, and then some ugly man-woman… thing. "Hurry Zelda, we must go! "

"But… Link!"

"There's no ti- Who the hell are you?"

Groose stood in shock. The person he was supposed to be chasing after was standing right before him! Of course, there was that creepy lady in between them, but- wait, did it just ask him a question?

"I'm sorry, come again?"

"Who. Are. You. Shall I spell it out?"

"I am Groose, mighty hero of Grooseland, slayer of flamboyant men, the savior of the Goddesses, the hunk the girls of Skyloft dream of, the hero this world deserves! **I am Groose!**", he cried triumphantly.

"Wait, _you're_ the hero? But, I thought it was Link!" Zelda pondered this, as the ugly thing Groose could barely classify as human scooped her up.

"Maiden, there's no time! This 'Groose' character is not the hero we are searching for. We must continue."

"But Impa-"

"No buts." Impa literally threw Zelda into the beam of light that had appeared at the end of the pathway.

"Groose! Help me! Save m-"

The sentence was cut short as Zelda was thrown into the beam, and disappeared. Then, the ugly thing followed. Groose was again left alone. Well, he had Fi, but she wasn't much of a board game fan. Especially not Pompanopoly.

* * *

"He should have been here by now.", the evil-doer muttered to himself from above the dragon's head. He sat perched, his gaze fixed upon the temple door.

"I let the girl escape my grasp, and now this joker is a no-show?" He was in total disgust.

"Well, that's too bad. He missed what would have been one _fabulous_ show…" He chuckled to himself, and in the blink of an eye, had teleported to his next destination.


	10. Ok, Groose! Robot Pirate Island it is!

"Master, we don't have time to sit around! We must go!"

"I don't know Fi, doesn't it feel like, I don't know, we should be going to the Sky and back first?"

"Well maybe if the Goddesses didn't make these different areas so segmented, we would be able to do so, but there's no time!"

"Fine, just let me grab the tablet first."

Groose quickly took the tablet, and followed Fi into the beam of light.

* * *

When Groose woke up, he was surrounded by little… robots, were they? He recognized them because the creepy gear guy in the bazaar had one sitting behind his counter. Suddenly, one of them stepped forward from the rest.

"Yarrgh! Who might you be, trespasser?"

"I am Groose, hero of-"

"Are ye' a pirate?"

"Um, no. But I have good hair. Does that count for anything?"

"Tie 'im up and hoist 'im by his britches!"

"What? No!"

Groose took his sword in hand, and with Fi close behind, began to run. He hadn't really noticed until now, but he was in some sort of mineshaft. He heard the sound of tiny robot clinks behind him, and began to run faster.

"Master, they have swords!"

A tiny laser whizzed past Groose's head.

"And laser flintlock pistols, too."

"Oh come on!"

Groose turned a corner, then another. This entire place was a maze! As he ran, he began to see more and more signs of danger. The fact that the tunnels, illuminated with only torches, were getting darker and darker, wasn't helping. He saw pirate flags and sails strung up on walls. There were dead robot carcasses laying in the corners every so often. Groose just kept running. He looked back, and saw an army of robots chasing him, with lasers and swords, it was ridiculous. Suddenly, he was thrust into darkness. He tripped on something, and rolled over.

The robots were right behind him! Was this the end for our hero? He put his arm over his face, and hoped for a painless death. A death that never came. After a long silence, he looked up, only to find that he was unscathed. He looked down at his sword, and informed Fi to illuminate the room with the sword's glow. The room was filled with light. It was a circular room, with nothing but two entrances, a mine cart, mine track, and a globe in the middle. Groose looked to the robots. They lay motionless on the ground, as if they had suddenly ceased to work.

"Hey Fi, I'm going to hit that light bulb in the middle of the room and get some light in here."

"Master, I predict a 88% cha-"

Groose smacked the globe. The room fluttered to life. So did the robots.

"You're kidding me!"

Groose hopped on the mine cart before Fi could even make a sarcastic comment. He slammed it forward, and it lurched out of the room, and into the deeper mines.

Groose made a sharp left on the tracks, as the robots followed him down. He picked up a chunk of mineral from the bottom of the cart. The robots were gaining on him. He threw a chunk back at the robots. It struck one in the face, and it blew up! Groose was happy, until he realized that the mine was lined with explosives. He quickened the cart's place, while explosions rocked the mine. He got into an opening with a parallel track.

"A cannon! Come on, this is just insane!"

The robot captain, riding a cart next to him, fired the cannon he had mounted on the side. Everything went black for Groose.

* * *

Groose woke up, tied upside down to a wooden stake. He was still hazy. He note the fact that Fi was tied to the wooden stake, back to back with him.

"Fi? What the hell's going on?"

"Master, there's a 100% chance they captured us, and a 95% chance they plan on eating us."

"How are they going to eat you if you're only semi-tangible?"

"I didn't know you knew such a 'big person' word like that, Master Groose."

"I heard someone else say it. What does it mean?"

"It means I hope you get eaten first, Master."

Groose's vision started clearing, and he saw that he was in a dark room, lit by only a blue light emanating from above him, and the fire blazing beneath him. The robots were making whimsical noises, and dancing around their treasure. The flames were licking at his legs, beckoning him to become the robot pirates' bounty. Groose didn't know why the pirates would want to eat him. He didn't know if pirates could eat. He watched helplessly.

Groose was disappointed in himself. He was more disappointed in Fi for not helping, but he was disappointed in himself. He had come this far, only to be tied up for dinner. His quest was pretty much over. He looked up to the sky, and although he couldn't see it, he knew somewhere in that vast sky, he had let lots of people down. He really wished he could see it, but that stupid blue bulb was in the way. That bulb though… It looked like the same one from earlier that had turned on the robots when he had touched it! Maybe, just maybe, if he hit it again, it would de-activate the robots!

Groose slowly inched up the pole, making his way closer and closer to the bulb. Fi sighed, and though she knew that this might be the end, she squirmed with Groose, going along with whatever idiotic plan her Master had. What else did she have?

Groose got nearer and nearer to the bulb, glowing ominously above his head, casting a faint blue glow over the robots. He was almost there. With one last push, he threw his head forward, and his pompadour brushed against the blue orb. The light faded away, and the room was cast into the shadows of the fire. The robots fell to the floor, swords still in hand! The lights fluttered from their eyes, as the captain uttered one last, strained 'yo…ho…ho…'. Those last words echoed throughout the room. Groose had done it!

"Master, due to the increased weight at the top of this pole, and the faulty and burnt structure of the bottom, gravity would dictate that this pole should snap any mi-"

Groose and Fi fell to the floor with a thud.


	11. Groose, Tear Down this Wall!

**EDIT: Whoops, sorry about those errors. I uploaded the chapter, but for some reason the Doc Manager uploaded a previous version of the chapter. Oh well, no harm done, I suppose. I hope you all had a great Thanksgroosing. Enjoy!**

* * *

**EDIT EDIT: My editor Skyped me at 10:26 at night to tell me I forgot a period. I was *this* close to falling asleep. _*this* _close. Enjoy! (again)**

* * *

"Master, we must leave."

"You think I don't know that, Fi?"

"No, like now. Like, right now."

Suddenly, the ceiling began to rumble. It cracked, revealing a sandy exterior that began caving in. The blue orb fell to the ground and crashed, and the robots were being buried in the sand that was seeping through the cracks. Groose panicked, because he didn't like the thought of being buried alive in sand. He took his sword, and using it like a pick axe, began climbing up the wall, grabbing on to the offset stones jutting out from the wall as he went. Eventually, he reached the top, where the wall and ceiling met. He began furiously pounding on it, and the ceiling chipped away, revealing a small crack of sunlight. He pounded and pounded, and eventually broke free of the sandy prison below him. He got out just as the underground structure collapsed.

"Fi, we made it!"

"Indeed, Master Groose."

Groose surveyed the land around him. To his… uh… first side was some sand. He turned. There was sand. He turned again. Sand. Once more, he turned. In the distance, he saw a tall structure, with a Hylian crest statue behind it! He ran across the desert, hoping that was his destination.

* * *

Groose had been running for a while now. He had come across a couple of structures, all looking weathered and worn, but he passed them. They didn't seem important.

It was a while before he came across a small robot.

"Uh, a…ahoy?", Groose said, terror gripping him from his newly found fear of robots. And pirates. And especially pirate robots.

"Oh, I'm not a pirate anymore. There's no need to fear. I left the crew years ago, in favor of a more peaceful life.

"So, you're a hippie."

"Call it what you like."

"Master, my sources indicate that the structure over there contains the next objective, and is Zelda's next destination."

"Quick, how do we get there?"

The robot turned it's head down, almost as if it was thinking. After a couple seconds, it popped up again. "The Mining Facility is under here, so that's your only way of getting around that wall."

Groose was speechless. Hadn't he just been in one? "No. No. I'm not going through that again."

Groose ran across the desert, trying to ignore the obvious fact that he would have to go back down into what probably was another pirate infested trap. He reached the wall, and began pounding on it. There had to be another way in, there had to be.

* * *

Fi sat in the grass, playing around with a dying plant on the ground. She had sat down to rest, knowing that this was going to take a while. Groose pushed another mine cart up to the wall.

"Master, why don't we just go through the dungeon?"

"No, there's no way I'm going through anything else with pirates."

"Well, then what are you going to do?"

Groose finished lining up the mine carts in a neatly stacked stair case. He clapped his hands free of dust and grit, and looked back at his companion, sitting carefree in the sand.

"What I have here is a simple staircase. I just climb up these, and I'm over."

Fi stared at his mine cart contraption. He couldn't be that stupid, could he?

Groose climb up on the first mine cart. Then the second. Then the third. This was a piece of cake. Well, it was until the carts, still on wheels, began to roll away from the wall. Groose fell to the ground with a soft thud and a spray of sand.

* * *

"Alright, plan B."

Groose reviewed his plan over one last time before execution. He push the mine cart really fast, and then jump in. He would hit the bomb flower laying on the ground with his sword, and if timed right, it would propel him up and forward, sending him flying over the wall. It was foolproof!

He began pushing the cart as fast as he could. Faster, and faster still! He hopped in the cart, and swung his sword at the bomb. The bomb lit, right as planned. This might actually work! The cart went over it, and the bomb exploded. Instead of sending the cart over the wall, it merely flipped over, landing Groose with a mouth full of sand and a mine cart on his head.

* * *

Groose finished tying down the cactus. This would work, for sure. He just had to get on, and cut the rope. It was a two-step plan, and would get him over the wall for sure.

He didn't get even get part one accomplished. He had overlooked one detail; sitting on a cactus would hurt. He tried to sit down, but immediately leapt back up in pain. He kicked the rope in confusion, releasing the cactus, which came back and smacked him in the face. As Groose doubled over in pain on the ground, the cactus flew back, and forward again. As it slingshotted back, the base snapped, and the cactus landed on Groose.

* * *

Groose was done fooling around. This was getting a bit ridiculous. This next plan would work for sure. Groose had found a long pole lying around near one of the abandoned shed-things, and was going to vault over the wall.

He stood back, took a deep breath, and began running. He struck the pole down in the ground, and it began to give way. Groose was being lifter, higher and higher. Fi looked up from the ground. She was astonished. He might actually do it! Groose looked down at her, and stuck his tongue out.

Fi chuckled, and watched Groose smash into the wall. He was almost over. But not quite.

* * *

"Dammit Fi, I give up. This is too hard. Even for me. And that's saying something."

Groose walked over to the wall, and pounded his fist in defeat. There was a loud crumbling noise, as Groose watched his ever looming obstacle disintegrate before his eyes.

"That was it? That's all I had to do?"

"Well, after your last mishap, it probably weakened the wall to a point that it could be broken like that with your fist."

"Damn."


	12. Fabulous Encounters of the Groose-Kind

**Author's Note: Sorry about the delay on this one. I'd like to say that this is probably my favorite(and most important) decision Groose has made to date. Enjoy!**

* * *

Groose and Fi entered through the now crumpled wall, to an empty chasm, with a giant rock on the other side.

"Master, I detect a 100% chance that Zelda will be here soon. My dowsing doesn't lie."

"So…in the meantime…do you want to play another round of Pompanopoly?"

"No."

Just then, a rather flustered looking guardian of indeterminable gender burst through the wall, towing a radiant looking Zelda behind her.

"Hurry! We must escape befor-"

The man-woman was cut off as a dark shower of diamonds began to cloud the sky. Suddenly, the flamboyant man known to our hero and his sidekick as "Ghirahim" made a stunning entrance, stopping the young maiden and her guardian in their tracks.

"Why hello there, my fabulous Zelda."

Groose pondered his current options. He could either fight the stylish man, save Zelda, or push the ugly thing down the abyss. Oh, and he could play Pompanopoly. That seemed like a reasonable choice, too. As he wondered what his next move would be, Ghirahim snapped, causing five sharp daggers to appear in front of him.

Fi called out to her master, "Incoming!"

Groose turned around, his decision finally made. He held the Pompanopoly box in his hands, ready to play. Ghirahim screamed, "Fabulous!" and flung the daggers at Groose. They embedded themselves in the box, and Groose dropped it in fury. His hands were shaking. His pompadour was ruffled.

"What the hell! That was a collector's edition box, asshole!"

"It looks like something you made out of cardboard."

"That does it!"

Groose pulled the sword from his side, readying his body for action. His opponent lowered himself to ground level, and stood to face Groose.

"I've been waiting for this moment for so long… This is going to be fabulous!"

Ghirahim produced a sword, which appeared in front of him with a snap of his fingers. He swiped it out of midair, and grasped it in his hands tightly. This was going to be fun.

Ghirahim lunged at Groose, sword in a jabbing position. Groose deflected it, and Ghirahim lost his balance. Groose slammed the sword down on top of him, and Ghirahim fell over with ease. Groose put one foot on top of his opponent, and held the Goddess Sword to his throat.

"Game over, Ghirahi-"

Suddenly, a harp came out of nowhere and smashed into the back of Groose's head.

"Oh shit. Oh shit! What did I do!?"

The guardian grabbed the young girl by the waist, hoisted her over its back, and ran into the spinning gate, which Zelda had opened while Groose and Ghirahim "battled".

Zelda's head popped out of the portal one last time. "Groose, I'm so sorry! I need to complete my quest, and you need to complete yours! Now, go!" Her head vanished in the blue light, as the gears of time stopped turning. The gate blew up, and debris was sent flying.

Ghirahim rolled out from under Groose, and cursed under his breath. He left the scene of his tragic loss, off to find some other means of accessing the past.

Fi popped out of the sword, her eyes wide with fear. "Master? Master!? Are you okay? Master Groose? Respond, Master! Please!?" Fi knelt down, and felt Groose's pulse. He was still alive, at least. She sat down beside him, awaiting his return to the conscious world. Her very purpose in life depended on it.

Fi jumped when Groose started mumbling in his unconsciousness.

"No…not the Pompanopoly….no…no…please, I spent…so much time making it…no…please, no…yes, it's cardboard…no, please no…no…don't do it! Please!"

Fi chuckled to herself, and rolled her eyes to no one. "What an idiot…"


	13. Groose's Skyloft Shenanigans

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well here's something for you to chew on! I might be taking a small break to think up more ideas, but I won't take too long. I promise! In the mean time, enjoy this extremely long chapter! This is really just a mash-up of a couple of Skyloft funnies I've wanted to do in between chapters, but I just decided to pile them all here for a giant cluster of funny. Enjoy, and don't forget to review!**

* * *

**EDIT: Sorry about those spelling errors, something going crazy with my word editor and spell check. Everything should be fixed now.**

* * *

Groose awoke to the sound of a bird's wings flapping, as his loftwing flew through the sky.

"Fi?"

"Yes, Master?"

"How in the world did you… You know what, I don't care. Off to Skyloft we go!"

Fi sighed, floating along side the bird, gliding towards Skyloft.

* * *

When Groose landed, he was greeted with a pile of smoldering ash where the Bazaar had been. As he jumped off the loftwing, he noticed a rather dumpy-looking Gaepora passed out on a bench. There was vomit encrusted on his bright orange robes. Groose walked up to him, not sure what to expect in terms of an explanation.

Gaepora jolted up, falling off of the bench as Groose approached. The Headmaster picked himself up, and lazily fell upon the bench.

"So… Groose… What's shaking?"

"Headmaster, what's going on?"

"You see, after the party ended, I fell asleep here for a little nap, and…"

"That's not what I asked."

"Shit."

Gaepora twisted his head, and looked behind him at where the Bazaar used to be.

"Hey Groose, where'd the Bazaar go?"

"How should I know!?"

Gaepora scratched at his mustache, which had bits of food stuck in it.

"Well, I think after we made an effigy of you out of your personal possessions, we burnt it down, and maybe the Bazaar caught on fire, too… Maybe?"

"Wait, you what?"

Groose's mind immediately dashed to the thought of all his hair-care products being sent to a fiery hell. Years of collecting, years of perfecting, years upon years upon years of grooming his pompadour to the best it could be. It was wasted. Although, he could just buy more stuff…

Groose was woken from his selfish trance by the sound of Gaepora puking all over himself. Groose just decided to let him sober up, and he would check back later. Until then, he could check out the rest of Skyloft, and see what he'd missed since he left.

* * *

After a quick trip to the Goddess Statue to drop off the Amber tablet, Groose had wandered back into the plaza, wondering where he should start on his town exploration. This is where our hero found himself as Parrow came running towards him. Now, Groose didn't know much about Parrow. Why should he care about him? What had he done for the great Groose? None the less, he turned to face Parrow, who was nearly out of breath from running.

"Ok, so I assume you need something from me due to that desperate look on your face."

"Please! My sister's gone missing! Please, find her for me! She went out flying by that creepy guy's island, and she hasn't come back!"

"We have a lot of creepy people here in the sky, don't we?"

"Yeah, I know, right? It's kind of- wait, please save her!"

"I'll see what I can do."

Groose whistled, and saw the silhouette of his loftwing appear against the blazing sun. As it landed, Groose waved back at Parrow, and set off towards the islands.

* * *

Groose flew for quite a while. Eventually, he came across a small rock island, coated with grass, some flowers, and a half dead girl. Off to the right, there wer- **A half dead girl!?**

Groose leapt off his loftwing, doing a swan dive onto the island. Fi sighed, and muttered to herself again as she released yet another emergency fairy out of her extra bottle. Groose had been doing this for the entire quest. Every time he'd make a landing, he'd kill himself, and then Fi had to waste a fairy she spent time finding and trapping in the bottle, just for the sake of him not dying. She'd kept this quiet to him for practically the entire quest, because she thought it was actually kind of amusing watching him smash every bone in his body.

As the fairy revived him, he scrambled towards the girl, hoping she wasn't dead. If she was dead, he might not get his reward! Wait, but Parrow never said anything about a reward. What if he didn't get one? He debated pushing the girl off the island, but decided it wasn't a very "hero" thing to do. As he knelt down next to her, he checked her pulse. She was still alive.

Orielle rolled over from her side, rasping to Groose, "I've been here… for three… whole…goddamn days."

Groose made the conversation quick, and he got back on his loftwing, and flew back to Skyloft. As he flew, he went over the plan. Evidentially, that girl's loftwing was hurt, so it needed… spores did she say? Groose couldn't figure out why, but that sounded familiar. As he neared the plaza, he walked up to Parrow, explaining he needed spores. Parrow gave a quizzical look, looked over his shoulder, and pulled out a bottle.

"Hey man, if anyone asks, you didn't get it from me. I don't want those Skyloft Knights comin' after me, man."

Groose took the bottle, and boarded his loftwing. As he flew back once again, he wondered why Parrow was being so secretive about these spore thingies. As he landed, this time from his loftwing onto the ground without killing himself, he uncorked the bottle, and began to walk towards the girl's loftwing. Suddenly, he heard a flapping noise. He turned around to see if there were any loftwings in the sky. It was empty.

Groose was genuinely puzzled by this. Well, he was puzzled by a lot of things. Like babies. Where do babies come from, anyway? As he pondered life's mysteries, a kikwi flew up from the forest deep below, and snatched the bottle right from Groose's hands!

"Thanks, maaaaaaaannnnnn!…" The fat drug addict called out to Groose as he flew away.

"What the hell? That little bastard! I needed that! How'd he even fly anyway? This is ridiculous!"

Fi chuckled to herself as she watched the trippy little burgler fly away into the sunset.

* * *

It was almost dark by now. After hauling the girl back to Skyloft on his loftwing, Groose had wandered around until he wound up at the Goddess Statue. A woman sat on the edge of the island, crying. Groose was about to push her off, when he realized that it might be heroic of him to help. He might get a reward!

Before he could say anything, the woman turned around. At the sight of Groose, she started crying even more.

"Uh…Miss? Can I help you?"

"Why did it have to be you? Why you?"

"What did I do? If this is about that Parrow guy, I swear, it wasn't me, it was-"

The lady looked up at him, and replied, "I lost my child, and no one will help me search. I believe the monster got her."

"No one will help you look?"

"Well, that Link kid offered, but everyone knows he has… problems…"

Groose continued the conversation, finding out that this "monster" was somewhere in Skyloft, lived somewhere the villages couldn't find, and stayed away from the townspeople. Groose accepted the challenge, and called his bird. His plan was to fly over to the Lumpy Pumpkin. That drunken old guy he'd seen countless times at the bar surely had something to tell of this tale.

As Groose began to fly off, he spotted a small, suspicious looking shack underneath Skyloft. There were small, petite shrieks emitting from it. Groose dove down to it, landed, got up, and gave the place a good look.

Fi popped out of the sword. "You're joking, right?"

"What?"

"_This_ is supposed to be the hidden monster's lair?"

"I guess."

"Oh come on! It's visible from a mile away, there are little girl screams coming from it, there's bright lights glowing inside, you'd have to be blind not to see this! My calculations indicate this monster is a total idiot, as well as the townspeople."

"I suppose it's not the best placement for it…"

Groose drew his sword, nearing the small shack. He heard another shriek from the little girl. Before he could run in, Fi blocked his path, and she had a different idea.

"Master, wait! What if this monster could actually help us in our journey? You need to stop getting into the habit of slicing everything you see."

"Didn't you just declare your hate for him about a minute ago?"

"I said he was stupid, but if you're able to complete an entire adventure, I'm sure just about anyone can help us."

"He stole a little girl!"

"Master, I predict a 50% chance there's a logical explanation."

"Fine. Maybe he's not bad. But I want you to go in there. You come back, and tell me what you found, ok?"

"Yes, Master Groose."

The spirit of the sword drifted through the wall, and as she entered, Groose heard a loud shriek from the little girl. There was a loud clanging noise, and some unsavory words exchanged. Fi flew back out. She grabbed one of the candles outside the house, and handed it to Groose.

"The monster dies. Tonight."

"But Fi, what about the little girl?"

Fi grabbed Groose by his shirt collar, and hoisted him up to her face.

"I said _tonight_."

Groose's mind began to form a plan…

* * *

Groose sat upon his bird, waiting for the monster to exit with the girl. After a couple minutes, which seemed like hours to the restless Groose, the monster walked out, holding the little girl in his arms. She was looking up at him, giggling.

"You were really cool, scaring away that ghost!"

The monster stepped in the Chu Jelly, which was Fi's signal. As the monster struggled to free his foot, Fi flew out from beneath him and grabbed the little girl. She threw him to Groose, who caught her with ease. Fi took one of the candles, and threw it at the ground. The weak wooden structure caught fire, as the monster panicked.

Groose held up his hands in fists, clenched in victory. He screamed at the monster, still stuck in the jelly while the fire grew nearer.

"You just got coaxed into a snafu!"

Fi floated back to Groose, with a smile on her face. It was lost the moment she saw his hands.

"Master, where's the girl?"

"What girl?"

"The one I threw to you."

"Oh shit."

"Master, I won't say anything if you don't."

* * *

Link was doing his daily knight rounds. Or, what would have been his knight rounds. After Groose being an ass and stealing the legend from him, when he woke up from the coma, he was suspended of all knight duties on account of injury.

As he was flying, he heard a shrill scream. As he looked up, a little girl landed on him, covering his eyes. His bird spun out of control, as its master had lost control. It spiraled upwards as Link tried to pry the little girl off of his face. It tossed Link off of his Loftwing, as he smashed into the storage shed. The little girl went flying, out of his hands, and into the night.

"I'm going to bet that this is Groose's fault…", Link muttered as he picked himself up.

* * *

Groose slowly approached the stairs leading up to the Statue. He knew the woman was still there. He also knew he'd have to tell her eventually. As he walked up the steps, he felt a manly tear roll down his cheek. He had failed.

Or had he? As he neared the top, he heard the same small scream of that girl. It haunted him, knowing he dropped her… And then, it hit him! Literally! As the little girl latched onto him, flying out of nowhere. Groose tumbled down the stairs. He reached the bottom, dazed but conscious. He tore the little troublemaker off of his back, angry, and yet, elated. He sprinted up the stairs, and threw the little girl at her mother.

"Miss, I have rescued your child, and I think she's scarred for life, too. A reward is in place, I believe."

The woman held her child, which was still screaming, and began crying tears of joy. Groose wondered how much she could cry. He thought she'd be done by now.

"Oh, how can I repay you?"

"Rupees, hair care products, anything of worth, really."

* * *

Groose assumed he'd get his reward later, but for now, he was trying to find a place to sleep. After getting bitterly refused by all the townsfolk, and after being kicked out of the cemetery, he found himself sleeping on top of the tower in the town plaza. A cool breeze swept across him, as he and Fi layed underneath the stars.

"Hey Fi, I have a question."

"Ok, so you see, when a mommy and a daddy really l-"

"No, it's not about _that_."

"Oh, okay. Then what is it, Master?"

"Where'd your super formal and robotic personality go?"

Fi sat up, surprised at her master's somewhat reasonable question.

"Well, Master Groose, after a while, I realized that maintaining a perfect robotic personality 100% of the time wasn't worth wasting on your sorry ass."

"Wow, you did that, just for me?"

"I don't think you heard me, but whatever."

Groose rolled over, wanting to give his companion a hug. Fi simply let him pass through, and he rolled straight off the edge. Fi laughed as she heard a strained "Ow!" from below.

* * *

In the morning, after getting little to no sleep at all, Groose picked up a few supplies, Fi picked up some more fairies, and they were on their way. Groose decided that if they were going anywhere, it was to Faron. He didn't really know why, but he figured it would make sense to go there. After all, maybe he could find that little drug bandit. And he boarded his loftwing, Fi slipped into the sword. He took off, flying fast towards the glowing beam in the sky. He jumped off over it, preparing to do his spectacular face dive into Faron. The sword at his side began to glow.

"Master, I detect a 100% chance we're being f-"

She was interrupted by a loud yell, and Groose looked up to see Link falling towards him, rapidly gaining speed. He was shouting at the top of his lungs, with a vengeful look on his face.

"**Give me back my destiny!**", Link screamed, as he and Groose grappled in the air, falling towards the ground. Groose wasn't sure Link could do a cool dive like he could, though.


	14. Attack of the 50-Foot Groose

**EDIT: And we're back! Sorry about the absence of lines in the first release, I have to familiarize myself with the program again. Enjoy!**

* * *

There was an abrupt thud as the two hit the ground. Link had pulled out his sailcloth at the last minute, as Groose came crashing down on top of him.

Groose and Link grappled with each other as they rolled around on the ground.

"Stop it, you'll mess up my pompadour!"

"You shouldn't be here in the first place!"

"Worthless piece of shit!"

"Ass sucking hair gloater!"

"Master, I detect a 100% chance I'm enjoying this. Perhaps I could record it for further viewing?"

Groose shoved Link off, and stood up. He brushed himself off, and turned to Fi.

"Dammit Fi, this is a manly scuttle, and we don't need you intervening!"

Fi simply shrugged and sat down on a log as the two bickered with each other for another hour or so.

* * *

"Are you two done?"

Groose gave a slight laugh, as he held up a half dead Link as a battle trophy.

"I even got him to agree to help us!"

Link spit out a tooth, and turned to the floating blue figure, "I'm only doing it because I'm supposed to."

Fi didn't care who was her master, as long as her job was done.

Groose began to walk towards the Sealed Temple, when Link began to slip loose from his grasp. He fell, and Link ran towards the temple doors.

"Oh no, you aren't getting away that easily, you little runt!"

Groose and Fi followed him over the wall and into the temple.

* * *

"So, please, quickly, who is supposed to be the hero here?"

Groose and Fi burst through the door.

"Hold it!"

Link and the senile old lady both looked at them.

"Welcome to my temple!"

"Oh shit, not you."

Link and Groose met at the platform the old lady stood upon.

"Who's supposed to be the hero, huh?"

"Yeah, tell us, Grannie!"

The old lady looked confused. In a quick swipe, she grabbed the harp off of Groose's back. She furiously ran her bony hands back and forth across the strings. A giant rock sprung up in the middle of the temple.

"Look it's a rock!", she cried at a quickened pace.

The ground beneath them shook, and there was a loud roar from outside.

"Will you look at that it's the Imprisoned you better go fight him okay thanks bye!" The old woman spewed out the words as she ran for the exit.

"Wait just one minute now, yo-" Link's sentence was cut short by the slamming of the door.

"We better go."

Groose and Link ran out the door, temporarily putting their differences aside to see what in Hylia's name was going on.

* * *

As they stood on the edge of the Sealed Grounds, a giant black figure formed in front of Groose. It was the same one from his first visit, although Groose didn't think this one was going to play as nice. This was no minor headache. The dark figure arose from the center of the Grounds, a Groose of massive proportions. The dark aura emanated from it, and Groose realized something. He couldn't hurt himself!

As they stood on the edge of the Sealed Grounds, a giant black figure formed in front of Link. Was it… Was that… A dinosaur? What in the hell was a dinosaur doing here!? Why was it a dinosaur?

As they stood on the edge of the Sealed Grounds, a giant black figure formed in front of Fi. It grouped together in dark clumps, and began to pile up. It formed Fi's worst nightmare. No, even worse. Her living nightmare. Groose asked her, "Hey Fi, can I stab myself with my sword?" She turned, to look at Groose. Wait, two!? Her head swung back and forth, her senses coming upon the realization that not one, but now two Grooses resided in the world she currently inhabited.

"Kill me, I beg you, please!" Fi broke down on the ground, sobbing.

"Well, this is it. We had a good run." Groose put the sword down at his side, and began to walk away.

"What are you doing? Kill it!", Link said in astonishment at his rival's loss of confidence.

"I couldn't hurt something as beautiful as that."

"Well to hell with it, I know I could." Link grabbed the sword and leapt off the edge of the Sealed Grounds, on to the creature's head. He began to smash the stone sitting atop its head into its skull. Groose watched in agony from afar.

"How could you be so cruel to such a majestic creature? So valiant, so endearing, so amazing?" Groose's eyes began to water.

Link slammed the stone in one last time, and back flipped off the monster, as the dark aura receded into the ground, and was sealed in. Groose was wailing as Link climbed back to the top.

"Quit whining."

The old lady popped out from a nearby bush. "Is it gone?"

"Where did you come from?"

"Never mind that, is it defeated?"

"Yes, by the true hero."

The Granny muttered something under her breath, and invited the hero, his sidekick, and his other sidekick into the temple.

* * *

She explained to them the concept of the evil they had fought (with a few "Welcome to my temple!"s intertwined, of course).

"So, let me get this straight; the monster appears to everyone as something different?", Link asked.

"Yes, or more specifically, their greatest fear."

"Why did it appear as a dinosaur to me?"

"You must hate dinosaurs or something, do I look like a psychologist?"

Groose stood up, still trying to comprehend this. "But then why did it appear as Groose to me?"

"Master, I believe I can explain that one. You are afraid of being defeated, so the monster fed off your inner fear to create an invincible monster."

"Oh, well then what did it appear as to you, Fi?"

"It appeared as you, Master Groose."

After more discussion, the trio learned of the purpose of the rock that had suddenly appeared in the room previous to the battle. The old lady spoke of three flames, and somebody in Skyloft who knew how to get the sails of wind working to reveal some tower of light thing that magically made the big stormy thing go away and there was a rainbow and a fish inside and… Oh Goddesses, had Groose taken some of those spores by accident?

"So that is what you must do", the old lady finished.

Groose, feeling overwhelmed by the shit ton of information he had just absorbed, hazily walked out of the temple. Link followed him, and Fi thanked the old lady as the trio headed out to see which one of the pathetic Skyloft residents knew about the flame song light storm thingy.


	15. Groosebox Hero

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hope you're all ready for a Christmas Chapter next! Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

* * *

"Ugh, this is hopeless…", Groose muttered to himself as he slumped down on a bench. After returning from the surface, he'd been trying all day to find the person who knew the song thingy. What was it… Salad of the Honest? He didn't even know what he was looking for, for Hylia's sake!

As Groose moaned, Fi appeared next to him, with some sage words. "Master, quit being stupid, and just visit him!"

"No, he doesn't like me."

"Everyone's said the same thing, and you refuse to listen. Just go see Gaepora."

"I said no."

Groose tried to shove her off the bench, but Fi let him pass through. He lost his balance and fell on the ground.

"I don't like him either, but you're the hero here! You have to."

"Why did I get picked for the hero…"

Link, who'd been pacing back and forth all the while, snapped at Groose. "You weren't picked for it, you stole it."

"Oh pipe down, if the Goddesses had wanted you, they would have picked you."

"Both of you quit arguing, and let's go see the Headmaster."

* * *

As Groose opened the door to Gaepora's office, something was a little different about him.

A keg of Pumpkin Whiskey sat in the corner, there were strobe lights flashing, loud music blaring, and instead of books on his shelves… were those-

"Hello!"

An under-the-influence Gaepora stumbled out from the dark corner. He wore a lampshade upon his head, and his ceremonial robes had been replaced with a t-shirt and underpants.

"What brings you to the Headmaster's Hangout, where the only rule is that the party never ends?"

"Oh God… so yeah, I heard that there's a certain song you may know."

"Oh, I know a lot of songs…(he paused to hiccup)… a lot of songs…"

"So, I kind of need the lyrics to-

The drunken man lazily slid his arm across Groose's shoulder.

"Whoa man, I only sing for the tunes, man. The karaoke is tonight, and I gotta' practice."

"Um, yeah, but sir, I need them now."

The Headmaster booted Groose from his party room/office.

"The jams are gonna' have to wait, my dude. Come back tonight, when the party is starting! Wooooo!"

Groose brushed himself off, and formulated a plan. If he could get the Headmaster intoxicated enough, he may be able to get him to sing the Valid of the Novice.

* * *

It had been a long day, but Groose had done it. He'd somehow managed to get Gaepora to drink that entire keg of alcohol, and then some. Groose now sat in the Bazaar (which now resembled a club), with Fi to his right. As Gaepora walked up onto the stage, Gondo flipped the switch on his robot-turned-jukebox with the karaoke machine built in), and the lyrics to the song appeared on the wall of the Bazaar, projected from the robot.

What was heard next was like somebody nailed a dying cat to a chalkboard, and tied knives and forks to the cat and then held up plates to it's face. Gaepora started screeching his song, and Groose immediately knew this wasn't going to end well.

After about 5 minutes of this, Gaepora fell to the ground. Gondo ran up to the stage, and held his hand to the Headmaster's neck.

"I think he's dead. I'd assume of… alcohol poisoning."

Groose leapt from his seat, running out of the tent.

* * *

"Oh shit, I didn't want to kill him!"

Groose watched from afar as the Skyloft Knights flooded into the tent, and carried the Headmaster's body away on a stretcher.

"Alright, let's go."

Groose looked back to find Link standing triumphantly with Groose's Harp.

"Where'd you come from? Why do you have my harp?"

"While you were busy killing that guy, I used the karaoke tape to get the lyrics, find the propeller for the windmill, get into the thunderhead, learn the song, and get back here. We're going to Faron."

Groose would have disagreed, but he might not have been in great standing with the citizens at this point. He agreed, and they were all soon on their way.

* * *

"Damn, it doesn't look like I added enough poison… Looks like my work isn't finished…"


	16. Does somebody need a Groose?

As Groose, Fi, and Link approached the surface, they noticed a strange occurrence in the clouds around them. What the heck… what was this? Fluffy, white flakes falling from the sky? Preposterous! When Groose and Link landed, they jumped off and landed, with the white powder crunching beneath their feet.

"What the heck is this stuff?"

Link, questioning their new discovery, bent down and scooped up some. He brought it to his nose, and sniffed. He didn't get a smell, so he tried harder. The powder flew straight up his nose!

Link fell over on the ground, writhing with… joy? He was laughing like a little kid, and waving his arms back and forth as he rolled around on the ground.

Groose cautiously asked him, "Link? Are you alright?"

"I'm the butterfly of the south! I'm a fat rock! Finland!", he screeched, giggling in between.

"Master Groose, my calculations indicate that the being known as Link is acting in a way not considered normal by your people."

"Who considers it normal at all?"

"If my calculations are correct, you'll find your answer down the road."

Groose didn't know what Fi meant, but he figured that he'd go along with it anyway. He picked up Link, still giggling, and through him over his shoulder. He walked down the road that led to the big tree in Faron. As he approached, he noticed something strange. The kikwis were standing around, circling the big tree. The big tree appeared to be on fire, too! The kikwi sang, or at least that's what Groose thought it was. At this point, anything that wasn't Gaepora could qualify as singing.

"Master, we have arrived."

"And, how can they help us?"

"Ask."

As Groose approached the tiny drug addicts, the kikwi elder held up his hand.

"Halt my brethren! We have a visitor!"

He turned to the trio.

"Welcome to Sniffmas!"

"What?"

Groose had never heard of… Sniffmas. What was it?

"I'm glad you asked!"

"Actually, I never sai-"

"Sniffmas is a holiday we celebrate each year. We live in harmony for the entire year, and we're very kind and giving, and if we're lucky, the Water Dragon blesses the clouds with her magic. The clouds drop drugs, and it rains them for a week. It covers the land in a pillow of sniffy goodness!"

"So wait, all of this is… Drugs!?", Fi exploded. "That's preposterous!"

"Not if you believe in the true meaning of Sniffmas!"

Link, who was still in a drug-induced state-of-mind, wandered over to the tree, and past it, over to a large stone circle upon the ground. He passed out, and began to roll around on the ground, pushing the drugs back and forth, revealing a symbol on the ground.

"That's it, I'm not doing this. End of story. I don't care about your stupid holiday. I'm leaving. Come on Fi, let's go."

"But Groose, don't you want a Christmas chap- I mean, don't you care about the true meaning of Sniffmas?"

"I'm not getting high just to celebrate your stupid holiday. Let's go." Groose left the area, and wandered over to Link.

"Come on Link, we have to go find the flame.", he said.

"I'm making pies in the oven of faith!"

As annoyed as he was, Groose couldn't help but notice that Link had uncovered a symbol in the stone circle on the ground. It looked like a triangle, with another triangle around it.

Fi floated up next to Groose. "Master, my calculations indicate that this is the place where we can enter the silent realm."

"We? I thought we would just send Link in, and hope he makes it out alive."

"Eh, I'm cool with that, Master."

"I've got a tree in the bench, with a bird on the way!", Link shouted.

Groose and Fi looked down at their trippy friend, and they couldn't help but smile.


	17. Groose 'Em Bruise 'Em Robots

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for the long delay on this one. I've been caught up in loads of school work, and as my gift, I present to you this sort of long and very entertaining chapter! Enjoy!**

* * *

"Alrighty Link, it's time to go inside!" Groose looked into the eyes of Link excitedly, like a little kid, trying to keep his drug induced mind oblivious to what was really going on.

"But what about the gloves?"

"That's nice, now let's go."

Groose stood there, brushing the falling drugs from his face. After a couple minutes, he turned to Fi.

"_So_, how do we get him inside?"

"He has to play Farore's Courage on the harp."

Groose knew he had stumbled onto a problem. His friend was incoherent, and he didn't know the song, nor could he play a harp.

"Well, there has to be another way, I'd think. If he's supposed to go into the realm through that stone circle, why don't we just push him through?"

"Master Groose, I detect a 0% chance of that working. Or even making sense, for that matter."

"Well what do you suppose we try?"

Fi thought for a moment, then picked up the harp with her… wing… robe… things that resembled appendages, and began to play the song. The portal opened, and Groose shoved Link inside.

"Have a nice trip!"

* * *

"So, if I'm supposed to go to the Isle of Songs to learn all these songs, why do you know them already?"

"My intelligence is nearly infinite, Master Groose."

"Oh. Well that saves me time."

Groose and Fi sat atop the stone viewing platform, watching the white flakes fall to the ground. His eyes drifted down to the stone circle, imprinted on the ground. What if Link didn't come back? Groose began to worry. He didn't have a sword, or any type of defense or offense against whatever was in there. Was there anything in there?

"Hey Fi, do you think Link will be ok?"

"Master, I detect he has a very low chance. I know the nature of these tests, and when caught by the guardians, he is sent back to the start of the realm. Due to his mind being the only thing sent in, his mortal body elsewhere, his mind has no means of recovering from the overdose. He will be sent on an infinite loop of trials, until something intervenes. There's a 5% chance his mind understands what the objective he must accomplish is."

"Could you possibly use… _smaller_ words?"

"He's not coming out. Ever."

"Shit, Fi, we have go get him!"

"Getting a slight change in morals, are we?"

"Shut up and play."

Fi sighed, and began to quickly strum the harp. The rock began to glow, and Groose, who wasn't thinking twice about it, dove in, pompadour first.

* * *

He woke up in a dreamy place. There was creepy music playing in the background. Wait, where the hell was that coming from? There were sparkles flying from the ground around him, and his skin had a glossy sheen to it. Where was he?

As he picked himself up, a loud clanging noise drew his attention away from himself. He managed to get a glimpse of Link stumbling around, with a large figure looming over him with a sword. Link fell to the ground, and his body dissipated.

"He's… he's dead."

Groose fell to his knees. This was his fault.

"Hi Groose!"

He turned around to see Link standing over him, his head cocked to the side.

"Wha… How are you alive?"

"Whee!" Link screamed, and ran into the tree.

"Well, I guess it's up to me then."

Groose turned around, and noticed a small glowing teardrop. He began to walk over to it, but was stopped in his tracks by something strange. A faint blue light was glowing from within his chest. He poked it a couple times, and it fell out of his chest and onto the ground in a bright flash of light.

"Oh no, my kidneys!"

He picked it up, and noticed fifteen empty pod-things on the side. He began to put two and two together, and he bent down and picked up the sparkly tear thing. It fit pretty well into the pods, so Groose figured he should fill this up, and maybe something cool would happen.

Groose ran for a while, and soon came across another tear thing. As he went to grab it, he noticed water surrounding the base of the tree. The tear was under the tree. Groose concluded that he'd have to cross the water to get to it. As he stepped in, the sky suddenly turned red! Groose had no idea what was going on. He turned around, and saw multiple robot-like things floating or walking towards him. And they had swords.

* * *

Groose ran for his life. Faster than he had ever ran before. He didn't even know he could run this fast. But yes, he ran. Diving beneath the roots of a tree, the guardian things tried to stab and swing at him, but they just couldn't reach him. Soon after, the sky faded back to the glassy blue it was when Groose had entered. Groose figured that the guardians, as he would now call them, would hunt you down and beat you. Once you were dead, you would be sent back to the start, as he observed from Link's constant defeats.

But, how would he combat this? Groose considered being sneaky and such, but he didn't think that would work very well. Groose suddenly had an idea. The guardians couldn't kill him, if he couldn't die!

* * *

Groose snuck up behind the now sleeping guardians. This would be fun. Slowly, he began to disassemble the guardians. Then, he dragged all the parts over towards the rock, and began reassembling them in another form. When he was done, there stood a giant robotic Groose before him. It had swords fastened across its arms, and a cannon on one arm that fired Dusk Relics. Those had no usage, anyway. Groose climbed up in his new mecha-warrior-bot, which he named the Giant Robotic Overpowering One Silent-realm Exterminator. Or G.R.O.O.S.E. for short. Man, he was on a roll today with his brain and everything involving his smartness.

As he fastened himself into the cockpit, he began to wonder if this was ethical. I mean, if this was set up as a test or something, would this be considered cheating? Groose had cheated many times before on tests and such, but this seemed a little more important. Oh well, if the Goddesses hadn't intended for this, they shouldn't have put in the guardians in the first place. As he began to move, he realized that this would be a breeze now. All he had to do is grab Link, grab the tears, and zingo, he was done.

He practically flew around the Silent Realm of Faron, grabbing tears, and watching as remaining guardians were battered by the G.R.O.O.S.E.'s sword arms. After the fifteenth tear was collected, Groose snatched Link, who had been trying to climb up the Great Tree, and ran back to the exit portal, which had opened up.

"Alright Link, you did well, you ready to go?", Groose said as he stepped into the glowing ring of light.

There was no response.

"Link? Link?" Groose looked to his side, where he thought Link was before.

Link was standing off in the distance, under the mech, playing with a dusk relic.

"No. **No!** **Nonononononononon-**" Groose was cut short as the portal closed.

* * *

Groose woke up back in the real world. Fi was floating over him, looking down at her master.

"Did you retrieve Link, Master Groose?"

"No. **Shit.**"


	18. Groose and his Inflated Ego

"Well can we get him out?"

"No, Master Groose, I predict a 0% chance that you will be able to return through this portal."

"It's… It's my- Hey, what's that!"

Groose ran over to the stone slab, and picked up a shiny blue scale, attached to a string.

"Look what I won, Fi!"

"You… _won_? No, I believe that flew out of the Silent Realm with you."

Groose sat on the ground, toying around with it. "This thing is so cool!"

"Come on Master, let's go. We have to retrieve the first of the Sacred Flames."

"Ok. So where do we go?"

"I'd assume it's in some part of the woods we haven't explored. Probably a part with water, being we just got that scale."

"Do you think I could use this to swim in lava?"

"When we get to Eldin, I may just have to let you try."

* * *

It didn't take long for Groose to find the opening in the tree's roots. As he emerged from his swim through the roots of the tree, he was greeted by a wonderous site. Inside the tree was an entire little pond, with swinging platform things, and mushrooms. There was a faint blue glow.

"Master, I believe we've run into a problem."

"Which is?", Groose replied as he climbed up onto the ledge.

"I predict that the platforms are too far across to jump, and the Gust Bellows were intended for use here. All you have is a crappy slingshot, a bug, some seeds, and a bottle."

"Don't forget my cunning and intelligence."

"Remember when I said _my_ intelligence was nearly infinite?"

"Well then, if you're supposed to be helping me on my journey, I guess I could make you push me."

"No, I'll save that for Eldin, too."

As Groose surveyed the area, he noticed several large floating fish things. They looked a bit like balloons, and Groose had an idea.

"Don't worry Fi, I got this."

Groose leapt off the edge, and disappeared to Fi. As she quickly floated to the edge in fear of her master's death, she was greeted by a flying fish thing. As she recoiled in horror, Groose appeared, too. He was clutching on to the fish, and floating upwards.

"Master Groose, I have some highly valuble information!"

Groose didn't listen; he was busy being a genius. Again. He watched as he flew past some more fish, and a huge bokoblin. Screw the tree, screw the challenges, screw the enemies, screw the puzzles, Groose didn't even care. This was the way to go.

"Master Groose, listen to me!"

"What's that? I can't hear you over the sound of me being awesome!"

"**Master, that fish is highly unstable! It could explode at any second!**"

Sure enough, as soon as she finished, the fish detonated, sending Groose high into the air. He burst through the top of the tree. As he landed on a branch outside the tree, leaves and pieces of wood began to shower down on Groose. Suddenly, a sharp yelping noise was heard.

"Who in the whattzits!?", exclaimed the old kikwi. He glared down at the stunned Groose, "And who might you be?"

Groose picked himself up off the ground and turned to the hermit. "Listen, I don't have time for this. Where's the Naked Game, and how do I find it?"

"Excuse me, the what?"

"The Hatred Blame."

"Come again?"

"Jaded Shame."

"What in the world are you talking about?"

"Rated Claim."

"He means the Sacred Flame!", proclaimed Fi, who had floated up from the tree. As she looked back, she couldn't help but notice that there was now a gaping hole in the side of the tree.

"Oh, the Sacred Flame! The Water Dragon has it, I think. If you want it, you'll have to get to her. She's in the lake over there, and the only way in is through a gate. It's sealed, so no one can get through. But don't worry, I'll let you in on the trick to opening the gate. To open the gate, you have to channel the power of the goddess into the symbol carved into its doors!"

"Eh, that sounds like too much work. _Fi!_", Groose called.

"Yes, Master Groose?"

"Fetch me another fish thing!"

At this point, Fi wasn't going to argue. They had already cheated the area's challenges, destroyed something sacred to the Kikwis, and perhaps scarred the old kikwi hermit for life.

She responded with a sigh, "Yes, Master Groose."


	19. Dragon Groosed

"Do… do you hear that?"

"No, what is it?"

"It kind of sounds like… _froaks_. A lot of froaks."

"Maybe a couple swam into the cavern on accident? We get those sometimes."

"No, it's almost like they're right above us. I wond-"

Suddenly, a loud bang was heard on the cavern ceiling. Rocks came crashing down, and in rode a strange man… on a froak?

"What the heck does he think he's doing!"

Rocks plummeted to the water, smashing one of the Parella's heads.

"No! Johnny!", the other cried, "No! It can't end like this, it can't!"

"Go…", the first Parella weakly rasped, "You can… still… escape…"

"No! I'm not letting you go, Johnny! Not yet!"

"It's too late… for me… go." As Johnny's pulse faded, the first Parella let a tear drip down into the water.

"No…", he softly cried, then emerged into a scream, "**No**!"

* * *

"Hey Fi, look! Squidy thingies!"

"How in Farore's name do you know where the hell we are now, much less know what that thing may or may not be?"

"I had a dream about them once. They brought me ice cream."

"Master, they're called Parellas."

"Who cares! Hi, squidy thingies!", Groose yelled, as he and Fi dropped down to the surface of the water. They released the fish, then carried on into the next room, where they were greeted by a big Dragon, sitting in a pot.

"Who's there?"

" 'Tis I, the hero, Groose!"

"Wait, you're not a Parella or a Kikwi, or anything else? You're the hero of legend? The one I have waited so long for?"

"Is that what I am Fi?", Groose asked.

"No.", Fi responded sarcastically.

"No, I am not!"

"No, you idiot, I meant yes. Sarcasm."

"Yes I'm not maybe no am!"

"Shit."

"I know you are, whether you think so or not.", the water dragon interjected.

Groose gasped. "Are you a wizard?"

"No, I'm a dragon."

"A dragon wizard?"

"No, just a dragon."

"Master Groose, focus!", Fi said with impatience.

"Oh yeah. Can we get to the flame thing?"

"Normally, I'd make you go on some sort of ridiculous fetch quest to get me medicine, but being as you scared all the Parellas away, I can honestly tell you that I'm not actually sick."

"We never suspected that in the first place.", Fi said.

"You see, around this time of year, the Kikwis like to bother me because the temperature gets colder, and they want to please me to get warmer weather. I personally hate all the Kikwis. So, I replaced the white stuff that was normally there with drugs. They're so high, I could have told them that the only medicine that would have gotten rid of my sickness was at Skyview Temple. One of them actually tried once."

"How high do you have to be to even _do_ something like that?", Groose turned to his partner and asked.

"Very high, Master."

"So, I guess I can open up the pathway for you.", the dragon said. She sat up from the cauldron and snapped her tail. "Okay, now it's open. And hey, I owe you one… Groose, is it? Anything you need, you got it. Just make sure the Kikwis and Parella don't find out."

"Okay, thanks Miss Water Dragon Wizard! Bye!"

Groose and Fi left the cavern, and entered a lush area, with a waterfall that had been parted.

"Master Groose, I detect a 100% chance this is where the dungeon known as the Ancient Cistern is located. My calculations indicate you should go inside."

Groose simply shrugged, and walked inside the dungeon, ready to face what lay ahead of him.

* * *

"Have you uncovered the robot?"

"Yes, master."

"Did you make sure it had all the swords?"

"Yes, master."

"Did you make sure that it's invincible?"

"Almost, master, the only thing that could destroy it would be accessing the arm removal valves located on all its limbs. After that, it would be practically defenseless. But you won't be able close to his arms as long as this thing is running. You'd have to have some sort of 'whip' or something to even reach the valves."

"Yeah, and where is that bumbling fool going to find a whip?"

"I don't know master."

"Excellent. No… _Fabulous_…"


	20. You Were Almost a Groose Sandwich!

"No, I can't go in there!"

"Why?"

"I can't swim."

Fi was furious. "You're telling me that you entered a dungeon themed with water, and you don't know how to swim?"

"No, I don't."

"Then how did you get through that one part in Faron Woods?"

"Fi, this is no time for retconning!"

"No, how. You are going to tell me how, you idiot!"

"I just kind of walked on the bottom. I grabbed air when I could. It was pretty simple, actually."

Fi tried to hit Groose with her… appendage-like things that go where arms go, but Groose ducked. Not counting on his defense, she flew into the water, making a large splash.

Groose spoke up, "Fi, I have an idea."

She popped up from beneath the surface of the water. "What do you want?"

"What if we just drained everything?"

"Are you… Groose… why. Why? The Gods wouldn't put a _plug _in a water dungeon. Do you have any idea how stupid that wou-"

"Found it!"

Fi watched as Groose jumped beneath the water, and sank to the bottom. He began tugging on something, and sure enough, it popped out of the ground. All the water began to flow into the hole. Unfortunately, so did Groose.

"Master? Oh my Goddess, you idiot!" Fi followed the hero down the drain.

* * *

Groose woke up on the ground. "Fi? Hello?" He was startled by a sudden noise. He got up and looked around. This place was very different from the bright and peaceful Ancient Cistern he had entered above. This place was very dark, and smelled bad. There were bones scattered across the ground, and it resembled a cave. It did its best to frighten our courageous hero.

"Seriously? I think there's something wrong with their attic. Wait no, basement? Whatever this is."

Groose heard another noise, and began to scan the area. Although it was a small space, there were many crevices that enemies could fit into. Startled by another noise, Groose spun around, and a set of arms had narrowly missed their prey. Standing behind him was something that had previously resembled a bokoblin. Its skin had turned a sickening purple shade, and its eyes glowed a fiery yellow, piercing the soul. Flies swarmed the rotting corpse. It smelled of rotting flesh, and it was headed straight for Groose!

Pulling his sword from his side, he slashed at the beast. A spurt of sticky blue ooze sprayed from its head. Groose stumbled back, attempting to wipe off the blood. As he tried to rid himself of it, the zombie bokoblin lurched forward. It took a huge swing, and the left side of his skull rattled back and forth at the sides. Groose rolled out of the way, and slammed the hilt of his sword into the zombie's head. There was a loud snapping sound, and zombie fell over. The head had popped out of its socket, and now resembled the hood on a jacket. Groose could only stare at this horrible abomination of mankind. He slashed again, and again, but the zombie wouldn't stay down. Groose dodged a hand, and swung yet again, this time the sword becoming lodged in the zombie's shoulder. He backed up against the wall, trying to kick the zombie away with his foot.

Suddenly, the ceiling began to shake. A rock came down from the cavern's top, and crushed the bokoblin. Its remains flew left and right. Groose nearly missed being crushed by the boulder. But maybe not by the next ones. Groose knew he had to get out of the cave, and fast. He pulled the sword out of the bokoblin, and the ceiling began to crumble. Darting around the corner, he made a dash for the only opening he could find. As he dove in, the ceiling caved in, and left a wall of rubble where the opening once stood.

"Geez, I was almost crushed."

"Master, I highly suggest we find our way out soon. Due to the offsetting levels of water, which you drained, the entire temple is going to collapse in on itself, if my calculations are correct."

"Oh, hi Fi!"

"We have less than two hours to leave until you're a pancake."

"With syrup?"

"Just follow me, Master."

Fi sighed as she led her clueless master on through the caves. As they walked, Fi pondered how there were going to escape. She had done a little exploring before she found Groose, and she hadn't found a single exit. As they walked, Groose suddenly tripped. As he got back up, he noticed that his assailant had been a chest on the ground.

"Die, scum!", he screamed, and hit the chest with his sword. It simply bounced off, and flew across the room.

As Groose got up to retrieve it, another moaning noise was heard from across the room. Groose grabbed the sword, and backed away from the dark corner. Another zombie, perhaps? Groose didn't know, and he didn't want to find out.

"Fi, open up the chest! Hurry!"

As she did, Groose ran back. When the lid opened, he ran past the chest, grabbing the item inside. As the zombie crawled out from the corner, Groose held his new-found item before him.

"Fear me, bokoblin scum! Fear the wrath of my… whip."

Groose looked down at the unimpressive piece of crap he held in his hands.

"Fi? What is this?"

"That's a whip, Master."

"What in the name of Hylia am I going to do with a _whip_?"

Before she could respond, the zombie lunged at Groose. Swiftly dodging it, he smacked it in the back with the sword, and slammed its stomach with his knee. A sickening crunch noise was heard, and the cursed bokoblin fell onto the ground. Its back had been smashed out of alignment, and it was still inching closer to Groose. He impaled the head with his sword, and the reanimated corpse fell lifeless upon the ground.

The two kept running through the passageways of the caves.

"Master, I detect a time decrease of thirty minutes. That means we have approximately one hour and thirty minutes until the caves collapse in."

Soon, Groose and Fi entered a large room, a bit brighter then the last ones. A river that flowed blood red ran through the middle of the room, and the sound of mechanics turning echoed throughout its cavernous walls.

"Master, I detect the presence of an exit nearby."

Groose stepped out further into the room, revealing several large, spinning pillars, covered in thick ivy across the room. The river had several dead lily pads floating in it, and some more bones were scattered across the ground. As soon as he was done inspecting the room, he turned back to Fi.

"I think we need to pass through here to continue."

"Really?", Fi responded sarcastically.

"Yes, I think fir-"

Groose's response was cut short by a loud rumbling noise. The ground below Groose began to slowly chip away. Lying beneath it were hordes and hordes of Cursed Bokoblin zombies. Sprinting back to Fi, Groose watched in horror as roughly fifty zombies rose from the ground below. Groose knew that killing all of them wasn't an option. What could he do?


	21. Indiana Groose

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:With this chapter, I will have surpassed a (sort of) milestone of 20,000 words! (it's a milestone for me) Thank you, readers!**

**EDIT: Gee, I sure love it when parts of my story are missing. Sorry 'bout that!**

* * *

Taking whip in hand, Groose flung the line up into the air. It wrapped itself around a rock, and Groose yanked. **Hard.** The rock fell to the floor, crushing nearly half of the Cursed Bokoblins.

"Fi, look! This is useful for stuff!"

"Master, if my calculations are correct, that rock was supposed to be a support for the cavern."

"What does that mean?"

"It means there is a time decrease of one hour and fifteen minutes due to the lack of support in the cave system."

Groose knew that what she just said meant he only had a couple minutes to get out. Grabbing his sword, he began to run, with Fi following behind him. He sprinted into the crowded mess of Cursed Bokoblins, hoping he could reach the end. As he did, a zombie reached out at him, grabbing his shoulder. He swung the whip back, and it wrapped around the zombies arm. Groose saw another zombie approaching, so he pulled as hard as he could. The zombie flew over Groose's pompadour with ease, crushing the bokoblin in front of him.

"Master, I detect a small percentage that we will effectively be able to kill all these Bokoblin under the time limit."

Groose fell to his knees. There was no getting around it. He was doomed. As the zombies closed in, Groose lowered his head. One zombie lurched forward, and went to grab his head. As it did, flesh began to fall from its hands. It traveled up his arms, and the zombie let out a loud moan. The rest of its flesh began to disintegrate, and it became a pile of bones upon the floor.

"Master! I detect a 100% chance that the hair conditioning products you use contain an extract that has a negative effect on the enemies' skin!"

Grasping this new hope, Groose began to charge through the horde, watching with glee as the zombies' flesh began peeling off from their bones. But, the cavern's top began to crumble.

As he was nearing the end, Fi spoke up. "Master, I detect we have about one minute before the cave begins to collapse."

"That's all the time I need."

Using the whip, he hooked on one of the giant spinning ivy-covered pillars, and swung around it. He just barely flew through a crevice in the wall, and landed in a circular room. There was a rope hanging from the ceiling, and a faint light glowing from it.

"Master, climb the rope!"

Grabbing a hold of the rope, Groose pulled himself up, and began climbing towards the top. The cavern began to crumble, and as Groose finally reached the top, he got a glimpse of what lay above the underground caverns. The temple wasn't in much better shape. The walls began crumbling in, and the statue in the middle began to sink into the ground.

"Master, according to my calculations, the Boss Room is directly above here. If we are to get to it, we need to hurry the hell up."

Groose nodded, and began sprinting towards the giant statue.

* * *

"Do you sense that?"

"Yes, but what is it?"

"It's… I'll tell you what it is… It's the sound of all my hard work being destroyed! Do you know how long it took me to find this place, let alone fill it with monsters and traps?"

"I'd assume it took you very long."

As the Bokoblin Leader finished his statement, the floor began to implode. The bokoblin fell through the room below.

"_Bye._"

* * *

Groose was now inside the structure, running up the stairs as they fell to the ground beneath him. Dodging a huge chunk of debris, Groose rolled and finally reached the top floor.

"Uh, Fi? I think we need a key."

"Screw the key!" Fi, angered with the impossibly circumstances, took the sword from Groose's side. She shoved it into the key hole, and ripped it in half.

"What the hell Fi!"

Groose took back the sword and ran up to the now-opened top of the statue. The controls that should have operated the machine were broken, and the statue was still sinking. Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, a giant machine fell from the ceiling. Its armor shined like gold, and it wielded several large swords. A certain flamboyant man was sitting upon its head,

"**You! Do you have any idea how angry I am!?**"

"Should I?"

"**I hope you die.**"

* * *

The robot shuddered to life, its body filling with dark magic. It sprouted legs, and more arms that had giant swords. It towered above Groose, and a cage-like barrier closed in around its now beating… stomach? With a snap of his fingers, the flamboyant Demon Lord disappeared in a flash of diamonds.

And so there they stood, the robot and Groose, atop a crumbling statue, engaged in what would prove to be an epic show-down. Groose pulled out his whip, and flung it at the robot. It wrapped around his arm, and Groose yanked it. The arm flew off, and the mighty sword fell to the ground. Parts of the statue began to crumble off, and Groose narrowly missed falling down to his death. He dove under the robot and grabbed the sword. The robot swung around and hit Groose with the oversized hand. As he skidded across the statue's top, he kept his hold on the sword.

Hoisting the sword above his head, he ran at the robot, and jumped. It was struck in the head, full force, and fell backwards. It grabbed at the statue, hoping to pull itself back up. Groose walked over to it, and smashed its hand. It fell off the statue, and Groose threw the sword down.

"Congratulations Master Groose, you just pushed a robot off a ledge two feet above the floor."

Sure enough, the robot hadn't fallen very far at all, and now Groose and the robot stood at eye level. The robot swung its sword at Groose. He jumped, flipped and pushed off the sword as it came by. Now in mid air, Groose landed on one of its arms. He tugged at the valve on its arm, and the appendage popped right off. The robot noticed Groose, and swatted at him. Groose leapt off, and landed on the ground behind the robot. As it turned, Groose picked up one of its swords that lay on the ground. The robot prepared to come down hard, just as Groose readied himself. As the robot's arm & sword came crashing down, Groose dodged. The sword was stuck! Seeing his chance, Groose ran up the arm, and onto its neck. Holding the sword high above its head, Groose swung it down. The robot caught it, and threw it across the room. It grabbed Groose in its other hand, and crushed him to death. His head popped off.

* * *

_Yes, _the Demon Lord thought to himself, _that would be quite nice._

"Hey. Mr. Fabulous. Are you going to stop talking to yourself and give me something to fight?"

"What? Oh, yes, excuse my poor manners." He snapped his fingers, and the robot shuddered to life.

Groose simply walked up to it, and impaled the robot's heart-stomach through the caging. The robot shut off, and fell apart.

"**No! That wasn't supposed to happen! You were supposed to die!**"

"Look, it's been a long day. Do you have anything else?"

Ghirahim simply frowned, and disappeared in a flash of diamonds.

"Master Groose, we have to get the Sacred Flame."

"Oh yeah."

Using the whip, he latched on to a jagged piece of debris sticking out from the ceiling. He hoisted himself off the sinking statue, and he walked down the torn apart corridor to a giant fire.

Fi dove into the fire, and then started bouncing around the room. She landed in front of Groose, and instructed him to hold out his sword. He did. Then, she started shooting fire balls at him.

"_This is the most fun I've had all day.", she thought to herself._

"Ow! Fi, that one nearly hit my pompadour! Watch it!"

When the flaming was done, Groose held the sword up. It was longer, and sharper.

"Fi, can we leave now?"

"Yes."

* * *

As Groose and Fi exited what was left of temple, they saw the Water Dragon floating outside.

"You… What? What the hell! What happened to the temple!", she said astonished.

"Groose happened."


	22. Link was here! Groose is a loser!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm not really pleased with this chapter, due to the large amount of NOTHING taking place at this part in the game. In other news, I may be working on a story related project. Stay tuned, and enjoy!  
**

* * *

"I already told you, we need to learn the song."

"But I thought you knew them all! You said you did."

"Okay, I lied about that part. Before we landed on our trip from Skyloft to Faron, Link taught me the song because he thought that you would screw things up somehow."

"Then why did you send him into the Silent Realm?"

"Because I didn't want to send _you_ in."

They arrived in the dome, a very strange place. A rainbow stretched over a rock floating in the air. Giant flying sticks with eyes glided through the sky. In the center of this psychedelic mess was a giant stone structure. Groose jumped off his loftwing, landing on the structure's roof. He climbed down some vines, and reached the ground outside of it. Fi caught up with him, and glided through the wall. Groose tried the same, but it didn't work.

"No you idiot, crawl through the hole.", a voice echoed through the building interior.

Groose did as he was told. As he arrived inside, he noticed another crest. He held his sword aloft, and gave it a skyward strike. It began to glow and spin, and Groose waited for a reaction of some sort. What he got was a Goddess Statue, lowered down from the ceiling. Its mouth was moving up and down, though it was a bit lopsided.

"Master, when you struck the crest with a skywa-"

"Fi, what's that?"

"What's what?"

Groose pointed to the statue behind her. "That."

Fi looked back, and then looked at Groose. "It's just a statue."

"But why is it here?"

"I don't know."

"What purpose does it serve?"

"_I don't know."_

"Well, if it has no purpose, why did the person responsible for this building add it in?"

"Peer pressure, Master Groose.", she said sarcastically.

"What's that?"

Fi was getting a bit fed up with this. She flew over to Groose, and took the harp from him. She violently began tugging at the strings, which resulted in an extremely fast version of 'Nayru's Wisdom'.

"Okay, we can go now." She threw the harp at Groose, who clutched it against his chest.

He put it away, and as he began to walk out, he noticed something scrawled upon the wall. Upon further investigation, he realized it read, "Link was here. Groose is a loser."

"What the…"

"Master, I'd suggest ignoring that."

"But… why would he do that?"

"Yeah, I don't know, you two are such good friends, leaving him eternally trapped in that Silent Realm and all."

"I know, that's so weird."

Fi sighed, and once again faded into the wall and out the other side. Groose decided to try again, but it still didn't work. He bent down, and crawled through the hole again.

He popped out the other side, and walked over to his loftwing. As he boarded, he asked his companion, "Where do we go next?"

"Lanayru."

"Isn't that the place with the pirates?"

"If I say no, will you go?"

"Yay!"

Groose jumped on, and bird sped off into the sky.

* * *

As he touched down, Groose felt a wave of fear rush over him. The last time he set foot in this sandy region, things didn't go so well. He just hoped there weren't anymore pirates.

He and Fi traversed the desert, until the came upon a group of butterflies.

"Master, I detect that this is the spot where you must enter the Silent Realm."

Groose took in a deep breath, and pulled out the harp. He began strumming it back and forth, not really knowing what he had to do to open this thing. The noise sounded similar to Gaepora's singing, but not that bad. The gate opened up immediately, almost as if it opened because it just didn't want to hear Groose play anymore.

"Master, leave."

"Okay. But first, would you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Keep an eye out for any pirates."

"Okay, Master Groose."

Groose jumped into the open portal to Silent Realm, and Fi watched in glee as it closed behind him.

* * *

Groose appeared in the Silent Realm, which looked like the last one, except this one looked like the Lanayru Desert, instead of Faron Woods. He stepped out of the circle, and ran over to collect a tear. The only problem was, there weren't any tears. Groose was puzzled by this. He ran over to collect a light fruit, and saw a giant beam appear on the far side of the desert.

"What the hell?", Groose said to himself.

A loud, robotic screech was heard from behind him, and Groose turned around to see all the guardians awake. They began running or floating towards him. Groose began to run through the thick, sinking sands. As he reached the wall, he realized he couldn't climb it. He was pinned against the wall. A guardian came down hard with his sword, and it stuck in the ground. Groose jumped on the hilt of it, and scrambled over the barrier. He leapt down over the other side, and sprinted as fast as he could to the other side of the desert.

The light fruit's effect began to wear off, and Groose was only half way. But, he memorized the position of it pretty well, and he kept running.

As he reached the other side, he made out a huge, bulky silhouette that stood against the bright light of a watcher. He approached it with caution, and as he could finally make out what the object was, he fell to his knees in shock.

"G…Gr… The G.R.O.O.S.E. !"

Standing before him was the fantastical robot he had created in the last silent realm. But how had it ended up here? Groose examined it, and began to climb up the robot. As he reached the top, he opened the cockpit, but was met with a surprise.

"_Hai_!"

"Link? How did you even… You know what, I don't care."

Groose knew that the guardians were still following him, and that he needed to find out what happened to all the tears. That mystery was solved quickly, as Link pulled out a tear, and whipped it at Groose's head. It struck him hard on the forehead, and Groose nearly fell off the robot. A delayed light began to glow inside of Groose again, and his kidneys popped out of his chest, and onto the cockpit floor.

"Ooooh!", Link said excitedly, and picked up the pod. Yeah, that's what it was. Groose remembered now. Those weren't his kidneys. Suddenly, there was a loud banging noise from the ground. Groose looked down to see the guardians beating up the robot's legs with their swords.

Groose picked up the pod, and put the one tear into it. The guardians fell asleep.

"Okay, now Link, where are the rest of these?"

Link didn't really seem to understand the question, but instead threw another tear at Groose's head. He caught this one, and watched as Link pulled another one out of his pocket. Groose took Link by the sides of his stomach, pulled him out of the cockpit, and flipped him upside down. He began to shake him up and down, and tears started falling out of various pockets and pouches. A couple were in his hat, too.

Groose got down on the ground, still carrying Link, and picked up the tears. He shoved them into the plant thing, and counted fifteen slots filled. Tossing Link over his shoulder with one hand, he carried Link all the way back to the exit portal. Link giggled uncontrollably the entire time.

* * *

"Master, I see you returned. And you brought a friend with you."

Groose laid Link down on the ground. He was beginning to come to his senses, and as he woke up from his trippy Silent Realm adventure, the first thing he saw was Groose. He quickly turned away, and grabbing a pod of some sort, he smashed Groose over the head. He fell backwards, and the pod hit the ground. Out popped two gloves, with claws attached to the ends.

"Link, you've returned, I see.", Fi said.

"Groose! Why did you leave me in there? What's going on? Why are we in a desert now?"

"If you'd shut up, I'd explain."


	23. Robot Pirate Island 2 Electric Groosaloo

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry about the delay on this one. But my editor and dear friend neglected to tell me that commas don't actually follow quotes. After rewriting every single written work in my existence, I was finally able to release this. Enjoy while I continue to closely examine my extended responses from fourth grade.**

**EDIT: Minor mistakes. Sorry 'bout that.**

* * *

"Could you repeat that part again where you saved the entire world twice using only a paper clip and some belly button lint?"

"Master Groose, that never happened!"

"Yes it did, you just don't remember because the Morlocks brainwashed you, Fi."

"That makes no sense."

"No, Fi, that sentence actually did make sense."

"No, I was referring to the fact that he made a reference only like two people, probably from a different universe, would understand."

Before this fourth-wall-breaking, yet entertaining conversation could continue, Groose, Link, and Fi heard a large explosion across the desert.

"What was that?"

"I don't know. It sounded like… an explosion."

"Master, I believe he was questioning the cause of the explosion."

Groose simply got up, and began running in the direction of the sound. After lots of running, the trio came to a large sand waterfall.

"Fi. I think we should go through there.", Groose said, as he pointed to a small overhang with a platform underneath it.

Link noticed the target laying under the ledge, and decided that now would be an optimal time to try out those claw shooter things he had discovered after exiting the Silent Realm. He quickly adorned one, and shot it at the target. Link, not expecting it to work, was caught off guard when it quickly began to hoist him up to the platform. He smashed into the wall under it, and fell limply into the sandy pit.

"Link! You're a genius."

"Ouch.", Link groaned as he pulled himself up.

Groose grabbed the other clawshot, and repeated exactly what Link had done. He too smashed into the wall, and now there were two claw shots dangling from the target.

"I don't really see how that helped. Come to think of it, that probably is a bad thing.", Groose thought aloud.

Fi, obviously fed up with this utter bullshit, simply flew to the ledge. She kicked the claw shots off the target, and informed them to hang on to them when they used them.

After Link had made it up and after Groose finally figured out how to use them, they headed into the cave. At least, that's where Groose thought they were going. It looked like a cave, sort of.

* * *

As the trio of adventurers entered the caves, Groose ran ahead, eager to see what was there. As soon as he reached the center region of these caves, he let out a loud scream.

**"Begone, foul beast!"**

Groose held his sword aloft, waiting for it to charge. The light slowly began to seep into his sword.

Fi and Link hurried and ran over to him, wondering why in Nayru's name was he freaking out like some sort of pansy. Fi quickly realized his problem.

"No! Groose, put the sword down this instant!"

Groose looked at her, then back at the monster. It really needed to be killed, but he guessed if Fi really thought it shouldn't be…

Fi floated over to the rock creature, apologizing for her companion's stupidity.

"Well, that's quite alright. I'm just happy I wasn't fried to a crisp by his lighty doohickey mabobber. My name's Golo, Golo the Goron. I work these here mines, and I'm trying to reach the Sand Sea. A couple minutes ago, I heard a loud explosion, and I figured that meant I must be getting close to something!"

"That's nice, now which way to the Sand Sea?" Groose said quite brashly.

"Ok, well, I think it's this way right here, but I'm not sure. Do you plan on going there?"

Fi floated on over to Link while the two rock heads conversed. She whispered something in his ear, and Link smiled. He walked over to the multiple bomb flowers in the room, and picked one up. He threw it at the wall, and Groose walked over to inspect it.

**"No, you idiot, run!"**

Groose realized that the bomb was going to explode a bit to late, and felt the explosion knock him to the floor. He got up, and quickly ran into the hole it created in the wall. He smashed into the wall.

"Master Groose, the bomb didn't go all the way through."

"Oh. I knew that."

Groose, Fi, and Link all began hurling bombs at the wall, until they reached an opening. Golo, who had been sitting off the the side fiddling with his pick axe, was ecstatic. "Well I'll be darned! You there darn blown a hole in the wall with those bombs! I'm mighty impressed!"

"Any reason you didn't do this in the first place?"

"Uh… I don't know."

Fi sighed at the stupidity of nearly everyone around her. The group left the cave, and entered the vast sand sea. They walked out upon a platform, and there sat a boat upon the sand. A timeshift stone sat in the middle of the mast, causing the area around it to become a sparkling ocean.

"The explosion ruse was… a dist-action!" The robotic captain faltered with his words, shorting out on the word 'distraction'.

"Now I HAVE the boat!" It screamed on the word 'have'.

**"What is _wrong _with you people!"** Groose cowered on the surface. He really hated pirates right now.

"Yes, and what's with the sudden shift in text/voice volume representation? Even Groose got it right." Fi pointed out to the robot who obviously didn't understand the term 'fourth wall'.

"Wait… You're not the Skipper. Nor ye' be his crew!"

The pirate garbled some orders to his pirate crew, and they turned the ship around and headed out to sea again.

"Yargh… Are they gone?" A small robotic head popped up from behind some storage crates.

"Yes, and what might your designation be?" Fi asked.

"I'm the Skipper. I am the best pirate on these seas."

Then, as soon as they had met him, the timeshift stone's range drifted off, along with the ship that carried it. The Skipper was reduced to a pile of rusting parts.

"Master Groose, I detect a high probability that locating another time shift stone would benefit our journey to retrieve the next flame."

"But Fi… he's a pirate!"

"Get over it."


	24. Made possible by Groosers like You

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: ****Wow, 50 reviews! Didn't think I'd ever get this far! This is sort of a milestone for me. So, I did a chapter dedicated to my fans! Enjoy!**

* * *

"Did you find any yet?"

"No, Master Groose, my observations have produced no results."

Groose and Fi continued searching through the storage crates, eager to find a timeshift stone in order to revive the Skipper who they had just met about two minutes ago.

Link reluctantly joined the hunt for timeshift stones. He knew that he could probably just handle this himself, but he realized that facing a bunch of pirates alone was not a good idea. Especially being that Groose had all the weapons.

Groose leaned over another crate, prying it open with the Goddess Sword. He reached in and pulled out a large sword. It was roughly the size of him.

"Hey Fi come check this out."

Fi floated over and glanced down at the crate. Upon closer inspection, she noticed a shipping label that read:

"Deliver the contained items to the Water Dragon in Faron.

Reason: Replacement for faulty robotic parts

Request sent on ….

Thanks for …. "

Fi was unable to read the bottom right portion of the label, due to damages.

"Master, I can conclude that these parts were supposed to be sent to the Water Dragon in order to replace the temple guardian Koloktos. Thus, I can infer that you were successful in defeating a broken robot. Congratulations."

Link eyed the sword that Groose now held. Now _there_ was a weapon! He hopped over the crates.

"Guys, I think we should confiscate that sword. To, uh, prevent it from falling into the hands of the enemy!"

"That's a great idea, Link! Good thing I though of it!" Groose said, and threw the sword at Link. He caught the sword with both hands, and hoisted it above his head. This sword was considerably lighter than he expected, and perhaps was the reason that the old robot was considered "faulty".

While Link marveled at his new toy, Groose and Fi kept looking. Groose pried open another crate, this time being met with a face full of scorpions.

"**Oh Goddess, they're eating my face!**" he cried, and fell onto the ground. Fi proceeded to kick them off, occasionally letting her foot pass through the scorpions and into Groose's face.

After these shenanigans were finished, Groose looked into another crate. Inside he found a single package. He pulled it out, wondering why they needed a crate that big just to ship a package this small. Upon ripping open the package, he discovered 50 neatly organized envelopes.

"What the heck are these?" Groose pulled one out of the box, and opened it.

"I KNEW that you didn't have to go through all that crap." it read.

"What crap? What does this even mean?" Groose pondered to himself.

He pulled out another, intrigued by these nonsensical words.

"Lol i love the game and ur idea rules i laughed soo much keep writing 3"

"What do they mean!?"

"Groose, what are you doing?" Link questioned as he approached the bewildered hero.

"Looking at these letter things. I think they might be beneficial to our adventure."

"Ooh, can I see?" Link took a letter from the box, and tore it open.

"Sooo, Groose thinks he is Wil E. Coyote now, does he? Good chapter."

"What the heck is a Wil E. Coyote?" Link said under his breath, and tossed the letter to the ground, and removed another one. Groose looked at the next one he had pulled out.

"Haha, Pompanopoly XD genius! This is so funny so far ;) hope you continue to update ;D"

"Hey Fi, I told you Pompanopoly was a great game! This letter says it is 'XD genius'!" Groose yelled to his companion.

"What are those things, Master Groose?"

As Groose tried to explain that he had no idea what they were, Link began to read his.

"Finally! A Groose story! Continue continue please! I'd love to read something where Groose is the awesome hero and gets Zelda:))"

"Well _someone _has a bad taste in heroes…" Link said.

"So you just found these letters here?"

"Yeah Fi, I told you!"

Fi picked up a letter, and began to read it.

"Unfortunately, my calculations indicate that no, you are not dead." Fi's sarcasm equals WIN. XD" she read off the letter."

"Master Groose, I remember this quote from myself. It would appear that these words are from an outside source, ones who have been tracking our progress. I suggest we burn them."

"No Fi, I like some of these. They're pretty good."

"Fine, idiot, keep looking." Fi said. She floated off to another bin to keep looking.

Groose grabbed another storage crate, this one considerably small than the others. Groose turned to set it down so he could open it, but ended up tripping over the box of letters. The small box went flying, and the letters flew up into the air. Groose was being literally showered with compliments as the letters rained down on him. The box struck the ground next to the disabled Skipper. Inside the box was a timeshift stone, and the collision set off its magical powers. The shipping bay sprung to life, filling with colors that replaced the dull grays and browns of the present.

"Ay mateys, it feels good to be running again, vrrm!"

Groose and Fi glanced back at the Skipper. Link was nowhere to be found.

"Ok, good, you're awake. Now what was that about?" Groose asked the Skipper.

"Well, you see, my crew and I guard the sacred flame of Nayru. We put it aboard a ship, and for many years, it remained protected from evils. My crew and I were the best pirates on the high seas. Then, a group of renegade, malfunctioning robots decided that they wanted my ship, and we were high jacked at sea one day. After a long and perilous fight, we managed to defeat the robots. My crew was badly damaged, and we slowly began to break down into heaps of robotic parts over the years. Each loss was mourned by the remaining crew, until there were none left to mourn. I was the last to go. In my fading moments, I witnessed the renegade pirates rise up from the sea. They boarded my ship, and I was thrown over the ship, and into the sea. My last memory was me washing up on this shore. I lay dead for many years, until a timeshift stone awoke me. It appeared the renegades weren't done with me, and wanted to see me dismantled. The events you witnessed a little while ago were the pirates attempting to find me again, using a clever distraction. It was unsuccessful, obviously, and when I realized this, I hid. After they left, I rejoiced, then realized that without the stone, I was back to my present state. Then, everything else unfolded, and that's how we got to where we are right at this very moment."

"Ok, so hold on… You're a pirate?" Groose asked idiotically.

"Skipper, we need to get that flame. How do you propose we do that?" Fi asked.

"Aye, we be in need of a transport…"

Suddenly, a large creaking sound was heard. Groose, Fi, and the Skipper turned to see a little dingy rollout from the storage shed. Link pushed it into the sand.

"What are you doing?" Groose questioned him.

Link picked up the timeshift stone, and Groose, Fi and the Skipper followed him as he mounted it upon the boat.

"Transportation solved." Link slung the sword over his back. "Let's get that flame."


	25. Pirates of the Groosabbean

And so the trio set off to find the Sandship.

"Are we there yet?"

"No, Master Groose."

"Are we there yet?"

"My calculations point to no."

"Are we there yet?"

"There is a 0% chance we're there yet."

"Are we there yet?"

"According to my analysis, no."

"Are we there yet?"

"My observations indicate that if you say it again, a sword is headed straight up your-"

Before Fi could finish, the boat smashed into something, big, heavy, and invisible. A giant ship appeared before them, almost out of nowhere.

"Hey Mr. Skipper, I think I found the boat!" Groose said gleefully.

"Yargh, when did you realize that, laddy? When we **smashed into it!?**"

"Yeah! You must be a physic!"

And so, the trio, er, quartet formulated a plan. Groose would go inside to find the flame, and Fi would check the controls and try to stop the ship entirely. That would give them access to the ship's controls, and she could disable the lockdown mechanisms. The captain would be in charge of taking back his crew, and Link would explore the front part of the ship, while keeping a lookout for pirates. The final plan was agreed on, and so they boarded the ship.

"So all of you know your roles in the plan?" Fi asked.

The hero, the sidekick, and the robot, who also was more or less a hero by pirate standards, all responded with "yes".

"Groose, are you sure you know?" Fi questioned him.

"Yeah, I just have to find the flame, right?"

Fi tried to clap for him, but then she realized she didn't have hands. Oh well. She floated up onto the ship, and passed through the wall. First, she just had to find a central map. Then, she could mentally transmit it to everyone through her magical mind powers. Fi pondered why she didn't exploit this more as she searched the ship.

Groose and Link climbed the ladder, with the Skipper in close pursuit. As they reached the top, the Skipper couldn't help but notice something.

"Yargh, if I be steppin' out of me timeshift stone's range, then I be shuttin' down, me harteys!"

"Oh, I can fix that!" Groose said. Pulling out a small chunk of timeshift stone that he grabbed when nobody was looking back at the shipping bay, he jammed it into the Skipper's empty eye.

"**Ow matey, I'll be makin' ye walk the…** wait… this is great! The expedition is proud to have a buccaneer like you on crew!"

"I try my best, sir."

Link, growing ever sick of this recurring praise, decided to go stand guard somewhere else. He entered a door towards the front of the ship.

"Okay, I think we best be on our ways." Skipper ordered, and exited the deck through the same door Link exited.

* * *

And so there was one. Groose now stood alone on the deck, wondering what he was supposed to do again. Something about a flame… did Fi want him to set fire to the ship? No, that didn't make sense. Pirate ships float in water, so they can't burn. Yeah, so then there was one. Groose took a few steps and observed his environment. There on the ground lay several skeletons. The ground, in actuality, was made up of long wooden planks, masterfully laid one after another. Almost everything on the ship was colored a worn brown, probably from years of service. This ship had probably seen a lot in its days, but it was still holding up quite well.

Before Groose could finish admiring the ship, a voice popped into his head.

"_Now downloading… …Please hold_." a robotic Groose voice echoed in his head.

"Whoa… what the hell is that?" Groose said to himself as he stumbled.

"_One percent downloaded… two percent downloaded…_" it echoed.

"Oh goddess, why…" Groose said as he sat down against the mast of the ship. This might take a while.

* * *

"Stupid idiots… thinking they're better than me… I could have thought of that in a second." Link griped to himself. He walked in circles inside the room. After the skipper had passed through, he just kind of stayed there. He didn't even have a real job! That was stupid. He kicked a barrel over, and pulled the sword off his back. The least he could do was find something to kill.

He opened the door opposite of the one he entered. He now stood on the bowsprit of the ship. Out on the tip was an unknown figure. Link could only make out the silhouette of him.

"Show yourself!" Link yelled to him, as he readied his sword.

The figure turned around to reveal a shard, spinning hook and two long swords. He took one in hand, and created some sort of robotic snarling sound.

"Friend or foe?" Link yelled to him.

He didn't respond.

"Dude, who are you?"

The robot screeched again, and cackled robotically to himself, "WHAT'S IS that guys even his PROBLEM?" The robot's grammar module had obviously been damaged throughout the years, leading to this abomination's words.

"Ok, that's it, I'm just going to hit you."

"Bring it on, chumpstick!" it shrieked, and began speeding towards the boy. Link did the same towards the robot, and the two met in a clash of swords. Link was sent flying backwards, and skidded to a stop. The robot began to spin his hook, and leapt at Link. He rolled out of the way, and the pirate's hook struck the wood with a crack. He ripped it out, along with a good chunk of the deck. Link raised the sword above his head, and jumped at the robot pirate. He caught it with his hook, and took a swing at Link using his sword. Link jumped on the sword, and kicked the pirate's stomach. He fell backwards, releasing a set of electronic screeches.

* * *

"_Fifteen percent downloaded… sixteen percent downloaded…_"

* * *

Fi had finally found the map after phasing herself through a couple walls. She found the control room, and sent the map telepathically to everyone. She then established a connection with the Skipper with a screen she found in the control room.

"Ah… here we go… all systems shut down… ok… and… good." Fi said to herself. She looked up at the screen, and saw the ship through Skipper's eyes. "Skipper, all defensive mechanisms in the ship have been disabled."

"Good, I'm on my way to the brig now. That's where they should be held. Chances are that me ship's wiring has been deteriorating over the years, and me ship's mechanisms may be a wee bit offline."

"Okay Skip, good luck. I hope I did something." Fi said as the screen logged off.

She looked around the room, happy with the current situation. Groose was still downloading the file, and due to his small brain size, it was taking a while. Link was busy scouting or whatever, and the Skipper was almost done with his mission. After that, she could have Groose waltz right in, and complete his part of the plan. And then, she woul-

"Oh my Goddess. That's not good. **That's not good!**" Fi began to freak out.


	26. PotG: Groose Man's Pompadour

The young "hero" was thrown back, with the pirate's hook grabbing his collar. He began to spin it, whirling Link around like a pinwheel. He was tossed from the deck, and over the railing. Grasping the rail, he nearly lost his hand when the pirate came down with his sword. But Link grabbed the rail with his other hand, and let go. The pirate's sword cut clean through, and the railing began to bend downwards. Link climbed back up to the top, and took a swing with his own sword, sending the pirate backwards. His sword went flying, sticking to the wall. The pirate scoffed, and pulled out his other sword.

"Come on, bucket brain!" Link screamed.

* * *

"_Twenty three percent downloaded… Twenty four percent downloaded…_"

* * *

"_Yargh, I don't be seein' me crew yet…_" the Skipper thought to himself. He crawled through another doorway strung with sharp barbwire. Why had his ship been vandalized so? Could those renegades have predicted this? As he turned the corner, he was met with a hallway full of scorpions. He shrugged, and swiftly glided by them. At last, he reached the brig, and waiting inside were his crew! Or at least, what was left of them. They had returned to their present states, and the Skipper realized that to rescue them, the Timeshift Stone on the deck would have to be activated.

"**Skipper!**" Fi screamed at him through the connection.

"Yargh, what ye' be wantin', lass? Alert me next time you' be wantin' to chat!"

"Do you have any idea how to shut this down?"

"Shut what down?"

"This!"

Skipper wired his signal back to the monitor, where he could get a full view of the room. Fi was frantically fiddling with some controls, and there were stripped wires overhead, shooting sparks down onto the ground. A large red light was flashing on the wall.

"What've you done to me' ship, lassie?!"

"I found it like this when I got here! There's a little counter in the corner that says 29:34! What does it mean?!"

"Somebody activated the emergency self destruct function, by the looks of it."

"How do you **shut it off!?"**

"Just wait for me, lass. I just need to be freein' me crew."

"Fine, make it quick."

* * *

"_Thirty nine percent downloaded… Forty percent downloaded… _"

* * *

"Hey, Groose? Groose!" Fi called out to him through her telepathic powers. He didn't hear her, because his brain was preoccupied trying to take the map file into memory. Unfortunately, this meant she had no idea about his progress on the mission. She knew the file was still sending because her brain indicated it. Well, this meant that all she could really do was wait. Oh, she could always contact Link. Yeah, what was he doing?

* * *

Link was tired of this. He swung again at the pirate. The robot leapt back onto the bowsprit. This battle had gone on long enough.

"_Hey, Link! Link!_"

"Not now!" Link screamed aloud as the pirate came sprinting towards him. Link used his sword to vault over him, and the pirate ran into the wall. Link ran towards him, and pulled off an amazing spin attack. The pirate captain was sliced clean in half.

"Oh no… I'm not finished with you, you creepy metallic piece of shit." Link said. The pirate, in response, began to crawl towards him on his hands. Link began bashing his faceplate in with his foot.

* * *

"_Fifty percent downloaded… Fourty nine percent downloaded… _"

"Hey!"

"_Just kidding… Fifty two percent downloaded… _"

* * *

Skipper began to tug at the bars. They didn't budge. He knew he needed to find another way in, and he knew that there was one that lead into the brig thorugh the engine room. He knew that going the long way would take too long, and that robot flying fairy lady needed him, so he decided to take the shortcut. Using his laser vision, he cut a hole into the ground below him, and dropped down. As he did this, he pondered why he didn't use his laser vision more often.

* * *

"_Seventy seven percent downloaded… Seventy eight percent downloaded… _"

* * *

Link smacked the robot, and kicked it over. Grabbing both arms and placing his foot on its back, he pulled. Both arms were torn off, leaving a mangled mess of wires behind where the arms used to connect.

"your MAKING THIS HAPEN." the robot said. Link almost felt bad for it and its poor grasp on the Skyloftian language.

But, instead, he continued beating it mercilessly. After about fifteen more minutes of this crap, the robot's eyes began to flicker.

"That's right, go on and die, you mechanical bastard. **I'll see you in hell**." Link said through clenched teeth. It rolled over, and began sputtering something.

"Excuse me, what was that?" Link grinned, and knealt down to hear his last words.

"It was… a… distaction!" the robot screamed, and its eyes began to glow bright once more. The arms the Link held in his hands grabbed him by his legs, and forced him to the ground. As the robotic torso began laughing, a pair of disembodied legs began kicking him. Link was getting real tired of this guy.

* * *

"_Ninety five percent downloaded… Ninety six percent downloaded._"

* * *

Groose still sat on the deck, against the mast, waiting for this stupid voice to get out of his head. It had been counting slowly for a long time, and Groose thought that it had to be done by now.

"_One hundred percent downloaded. File transfer complete. Now loading _"

"Finally, I can see what this thing has been trying to show me, I think." Groose said out loud. Suddenly, a map popped into his head.

"This is it?" Groose said to himself. He thought it was helpful that he got this map, but why did it take so long? Then, he noticed some notes off to the side.

"Dear Groose, please hit the shiny blue stone on the top of the big stick on the boat. Thanks, Fi."

That's what it read, and that's what Groose needed to do. The question was, how was he going to get up there?

* * *

Fi frantically began fiddling with more buttons. Where the heck was the Skipper? The clock now read 11:42. It was getting closer to hitting zero, and Fi needed to shut it down. But she was helpless. She didn't know how to work a pirate ship.

* * *

"Get off!" Link screamed, and began violently thrashing. The arms flew off of his legs, and one was sent overboard into the sand sea. The other slammed into the wall, cracking at the wrist. Link noticed his sword a couple feet away, and reached for it. A foot stomped down on his hand, crushing it before he could reach it. Link swung his legs around, kicking the foot overboard too. He got up, and grabbed his sword. The pirate's hand was slowly crawling towards him, hook still slightly attached. Link kicked it over board, and then turned to the other leg. It stepped on his toes, but Link hacked at it anyway. It split down the middle, and Link kicked them off the ship, too.

All that was left was the pirate captain's head, which was still emitting high pitched robotic screeches at him. Link picked it up and spit in its eye. Then, using all his strength, tossed it high into the sky. When it came down, Link hit it with his sword, and sent it sailing towards the mast of the ship. It smashed into the big timeshift stone in the center, then bounced off into the sea.

"Link: one. Pirates: zero." Link happily muttered to himself. "Looks like I'm _ahead."_


	27. PotG: At Sanity's End

Groose sat on the deck, staring up where he had heard the loud noise. Something had hit the big blue stone on the top of the mast, and it was now glowing. Was that good?

Before Groose could ponder this more, a blue ring shot out from the timeshift stone. It covered the ship, and piles of bones on the ground began to shake. The deck got a bright splash of color. A loud mechanical groan was released from inside the ship somewhere.

* * *

"Ha, stupid pirate, I showed him. And, I got this nifty bow!" Link held up his prize to himself so he could admire it once more. A bow and a quiver were now in his possession, and he decided that now would be optimal time to go check on everyone else. As he exited the small room and walked out onto the deck, he was met with a surprise. Hundreds of bokoblins had swarmed the deck, and they all held pirate swords. A couple had eye patches, and some had hoods. They carried bow and arrows, too. And in the middle of it all, with his back up against the mast, was Groose.

"Hey! A little help here?" Groose cried out to Link, as he swatted away more pirates with his sword. Link ran over, and took a huge swipe with his sword. Pirate parts were sent flying across the deck. Link hoisted the sword above his head, and Groose ran off for the other door.

"Yeah, uh, Link, you can just play around here, uh, I have to go, yeah, bye!" Groose quickly rambled as he scrambled for the door.

"I really hate pirates." Link said. He let out a fierce scream, and charged into the hordes of bokoblin pirates.

* * *

"Yargh, what be the meanin' of this!" Skipper said, as the ship began to shake. He knew this ship well enough, and realized that someone had hit the timeshift stone in the center of the ship. A large piston started grinding metal, sending sparks done. The mechanism released, and the piston quickly descended. The Skipper narrowly dodged it, diving into the next space. There was no way he could get out unless the engines were disabled.

* * *

"Fi, come in Fi!" Skipper screamed over the system.

"What do you want!? I'm kind of in a panic here!"

"I need you to disable to engines."

"Why?"

"Because I be stuck there!"

"How do I do that?"

"Just turn the generators off. The little boxes next to ye."

Fi looked over to the box with the dial on it. It was humming, and Fi noticed a slight problem.

"It requires a key of some sorts to turn off!"

"Damn! I knew I should've opted for the buttons! Curse me' blasted ingenuity!"

"Now what?!"

"Find someone with a sword."

* * *

Groose ran through the corridors of the ship, searching for the flame. According to that map, it should be just around the- what was that?

Groose could hear loud, worried voices from the room in front of him. Turning to the door, he peeked inside. Fi was angrily yelling at a monitor, which showed a different part of the ship Groose didn't recognize.

"Hey Fi!"

Fi turned to see Groose standing in the doorway, with his sword at his side.

"Quick, give me that!" Fi said, and took the sword from him. She jammed it into the generator, and twisted hard. The generator stopped humming, and the lights encircling it slowly stopped glowing.

Groose took this time to observe the room. It was quite the mess, but nothing really stood out except the clock in the corner. It was ticking down, and it read 6:57.

"Hey Fi, what does that thing mean?"

"What does- oh crap, we have to hurry!"

* * *

The Skipper was tired of this. One generator off was enough. He grabbed onto the piston from a higher platform, and it raised him to the ceiling. Using his super awesome laser vision, he cut a hole in the ceiling, and jumped up. He narrowly evaded getting squashed, and was now in the brig. His crew greeted him, expressing the dire circumstances of their situation.

"Come on, we have to go. Now, me harties!" the Skipper encouraged. He fried the lone guard standing outside the cell, and then walked right out the door, which had opened once the wiring connected from the timeshift. Speeding up the stairs with his crew behind him, he reached the top floor, and burst through the door. On the deck stood many renegade pirates, all chopping and hacking away at the poor green lad. He turned to his crew, and screamed, "**Attack!**" They rushed onto the deck, meeting the bokoblins in fierce battle. The Skipper would have loved to stay, but he had work to do. He quickly exited the deck through the other door, and made his way down to the control room.

* * *

"Groose, what does the clock say now?"

"3:20."

"Damn, we need to go find the flame! No, you need to go find the flame! **Go!**" Fi yelled, and shoved Groose out the door.

* * *

Link finished off the last bokoblin, driving an arrow straight through its heart. Its dead corpse fell to the ground. Link stood on the deck atop a massive pile of dead bodies. Bokoblin arms and legs were strewn about the ship. Link casually walked into the other side of the ship, and down to the control room. The rest of the robot pirates followed behind him.

The clock now read 3:14. Fi was desperate. When was the Skipper going to get here!? As she thought this, the robot burst through the door.

"Alrighty me lass! Where be the controls? I have this all under control, don't ye be worryin'."

Skipper pushed her aside, and hopped onto the control panel. He began to fiddle with some buttons, and they turned to the clock. 3:12. 3:10. 3:08.

"What did you do!? It's going twice as fast now!"

"Yargh, me lassie, I believe that scallywag renegade captain has been meddlin' with me controls. The override is the only way this ship be shuttin' off."

"Where's that?"

"The Flame Guardian room."

* * *

Fi's voice ran through an empty head. Normally, the head was empty anyway, but it was especially empty this time. Unnaturally empty.

"Groose? We need you to get to the flame room, now. This is very important." Fi messaged to Groose.

No response echoed back.

"Groose, what's wrong?"

Still nothing but void brainwaves.

"Groose? Groose!? **Grooooooooooooooooooooose!**"


	28. PotG: On Grooser Tides

"Where the hell am I?" Groose said in a dazed voice. The room was spinning around him, and he had no idea what was going on. One minute, he was running to the room with the flame and whatever, the next he woke up here. How long had he been out? Where was he? The room continued spinning around. "Hey, whoever's here, can you please stop the room? I'd like to get off now!" Groose murmured. After a couple of seconds, he realized the room wasn't spinning, he was just dizzy. It soon wore off, and a voice faded into his head.

"Groose? Groose, come in Groose! Hey, idiot, where are you!? Groose?!"

Groose recognized the voice as his companion, Fi.

"Hi Fi!" he sent through his mind. "How are you?"

"Groose, where are you?"

Groose looked around to survey his surroundings. A flickering red light dimly lit the room for a couple seconds, and the boat lurched. The light flashed on again, enough for Groose to read "Bye, maggot" etched into a steel pole. He grabbed at it, realizing just where he was.

"Fi, I think I'm in the prison. The door is locked, and I can't get out."

"**What a shitload of-**"

* * *

Fi began flipping out, screaming and cursing aloud. The clock, now reading 2:52 seconds, slowly ticked down by the twos. Link asked, "Fi, is there anything we can do?" He gestured to the robot pirate captain and his crew behind him.

"Yes, I need you all to go rescue that so called 'hero'. I don't know who put him in there, or how, but the ship's power needs to be overridden and shut down. **Now.**"

"Okay, me harties, we best be goin' now! Aye, lad, you be gettin' that switch shut, and we be gettin' the other scallywag out of the brig. Let's go!"

The Skipper melted a hole in the floor, and they jumped down a full level.

Groose was sitting on the ground, letting sand run through his hands. Perhaps this was it. Perhaps he was never going to see the light of day again. Perhaps nobody would ever be able to look at his beautiful pompadour ever again. That would be a crime against skyloftiananity! Becoming angered with the realization of this, he got up, and ripped the bars out of their places in the cell. He leapt out, and marched down the hall to the locked door. Carrying one of the bars still in his hand, he kicked down the door, and stepped in.

Standing in the center of the room, tugging at the button, was none other than the flamboyant, flattering, fantastic, _fabulous_ demon lord, Ghirahim. The Goddess Sword leaned against the wall next to him.

"Hey. You."

"Oh, it's you. How's it going, idiot?"

"You were the one who tried to prevent the world from knowing this." Groose pointed up at his Pompadour.

"So I am." He pulled the button out of its socket. "What are you going to do about it, imbecile?"

"This, asshole." Groose smashed the flickering red light above him. The room went dark. Loud, shrill screams could be heard from about the ship.

* * *

The robots and Link dropped down onto the lower levels. The ship swayed back and forth, and a red light was dimly lighting the hallways. Suddenly, there was a loud crash. The light went out, and something very flamboyant began screaming from down the hall. The Skipper, his crew, and Link proceeded with much caution.

* * *

Fi frantically fiddled with the controls. The group had 0:30 seconds to disable the damned ship's controls, and Fi had no idea what was going on down there. Suddenly, there was a loud, flamboyant scream.

* * *

Link popped his head into the room. He couldn't see anything, but he could hear heaving breathing, and something whimpering on the ground. Suddenly, a bright blue light filled up the room. Groose head the sword the right way above his head, and prepared the come down hard on the battered and broken Ghirahim.

"Oh Goddess, please, no more, I beg of you, mercy!"

"No, no one who thinks that depriving the world of this pompadour is a good thing should live!"

Link quickly jumped into the way of the sword's path mid-slice, countering with his own sword.

"Groose, we have about ten seconds until the ship blows up. Where's the button!?"

"Oh, the Demon Lord has it. Right the-"

Groose pointed to the beaten and battered pile of nothing on the ground.

"Pitiful fools, letting me escape like that!" a voice rang about the room, "Have a nice time disintegrating, maggots!"

"Well, looks like this is goodbye." Link said. He bowed his head, and held out a hand to his comarade. "It's been an honor serving with you."

Groose stood, frozen. His glance was fixed on something behind Link.

Fi's voice cut through the heartfelt moment. "Link, the timer stopped! We did it! The timer shut off! Everything did! We did it!"

Link smiled, and retracted his hand from Groose's grasp. Groose still didn't move. "Uh, Groose? You okay?"

The bright light from the sword slowly faded out, and there was a loud, monstrous screech. A tentacle slammed through the deck, effectively cutting off the power supply. At least the boat wouldn't explode, but that was the least of their worries. Link and Groose made a mad dash for the stairs. The boat filled with water behind them. Stumbling step after step, he finally reached the top, where the pirate robots waited by the deck. "Yargh mateys, it be the great Tentalus!" one cried.

"No, no freaking out. I have a plan. We can kill it, but only if you all listen to me."

The group huddled in and listened to the plan.

* * *

Groose now stood on the deck, holding a young private pirate robot in his hands.

"Oh great Tentalus, mighty power of the seas, I grant you this offering." Groose held the robot up to the sky. The robot was shaking fiercely. The sea monster swooped it out of his hands with one tentacle. It swallowed the robot whole, and then roared. It slammed a tentacle down on the deck, nearly hitting Groose. He dodged the arm, and hacked it off with his sword.

Skipper screamed to his robot mate, "Now!"

A bright flash of red burned a slash through the monster's eye. It spit out the robot pirate, and dove back into the water anticlimactically.

"Well, that settles that."

* * *

The group of Groose, Fi, and Link shook hands with the Skipper.

"Me and me crew best be stayin' here to repair me ship. Nothing' a tad o' duct tape won't be fixin' up."

The group departed from the ship, ready to reach the next leg of their adventure.


	29. Groose Wright: Ace Attorney

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey there guys! Just wanted to stop in and give a few announcement type things. First of all, I'm finished with the whole pirate saga. I think that turned out really well, with how I set up the format and everything. Second, this is a filler chapter. I'm not going to hide it. Third, I finally beat Skyward Sword with only six hearts. I'm currently back to OoT, and Dark Link can go die because why can't I even beat that guy I mean what is that guys even his problem! Anyway, read, review, and above all else, enjoy!**

* * *

"Hey Fi, what do you think the people in Skyloft are doing? After all, I am their leader. And the go to guy, Gaepora, turned into a chronic alcoholic and is lying in a hospital bed somewhere. Who do you think is in charge right now?"

"I'd say the position probably went to whoever had the nerve to claim it, Master Groose."

"I think it should be me, after all the crap I had to go through concerning my sudden lack of mental ability according to everyone in Skyloft."

The trio conversed among themselves as the two Loftwings touched down in the Skyloft plaza. Something was a bit… off. The bazaar tent was burning, a bright and vibrant fire peaked atop it. A Skyloftian Knight rode into the town plaza on his bird. He jumped off and approached Groose.

"Oh, nice of you to join while we're **going through a crisis**!"

"What happened here?" Groose asked the young knight, clad in red.

"A mysterious boy dressed in green has been running around town for the past week. At first he committed petty crimes, such as burglaries and vandalism, but he's recently moved on to arson and murder. So far, the lives he's claimed have been limited to Dodoh, and the Fortune Teller. Although both of them were under investigation for child misconduct, that doesn't detract from these killings."

"So… who is it?"

"If I knew, don't you think I would be hunting them down?"

Groose turned around and looked out to the dusky sky. He knew that he should do something. Even though all these people should do it themselves, Groose knew once again that _he_ would have to come to the world's rescue.

As Groose stood there, Link noticed a silhouette flutter against the flames. Grabbing his sword, he began running towards the tent. Leaping onto some boxes next to the tent, he jumped onto the very top. From there, he trampolined off the top, and performed a jump attack down on the unseen prey. The sword missed its intended mark, and Link hit the ground. The tip of the sword, however, managed to clip something. Link picked up a tattered green hat. This was the clothing of a knight, but this color wasn't in use. Link reasoned that whoever it was had obtained the model of the knight costume that was supposed to be this year's model. It looked pretty rad, too. The quick footsteps of his prey broke him out of his investigative trance, and he ran in hot pursuit of the unknown perpetrator.

"Link? What in the Goddess's name are you even doing!?" Groose called out to Link, who he'd just seen perform an acrobatic maneuver off of a burning tent. Groose saw this as a challenge. He could easily show-up that little pipsqueak. Was _that _the best he had? Whistling for his bird, he stood ready to take on the threat Link was chasing. As the bird swooped in, Groose flipped backwards onto it as it climbed higher into the sky. Taking notice of the chase, which had moved onto the rooftops of the residential section, he pointed down and whistled to his bird.

Fi popped out of the sword as the Loftwing made its descent. "Master, I predict a 23.9764% chance that this is a bad idea. I recommend letting Link handle it."

"Fi, that's the stupidest thing you've said all day."

"My calculations indicate it's not, and that you probably have a severe mental impairment in judgment."

Ignoring his companion's words of advice, Groose continued downwards until he reached the head of the chase. As he pulled closer to whoever Link was chasing, he could see a green color being illuminated by the fire's light. Groose jumped off, doing three back flips in mid air before landing both feet on the runner's shoulders. The runner toppled over, and Groose did one more flip, landing feet first on the runner's back.

"Stop right there, crimi-"

Before Groose could finish making his debatable reference, the runner rolled over, revealing an all too familiar face.

"What the… but… why?"

* * *

Word of the capture spread around Skyloft like wildfire. So did the fire. In the end, though, most buildings were left standing, as the endless supply of water was used to prevent it from spreading past the tent. Everything inside was destroyed. So, the next morning, a court was held in the Skyloft Academy's Sword Training building. Groose stood by the witness stand, and the now-captive criminal stood in hand cuffs.

"**Objection!**" Groose screamed.

"Groose, this is no time to be making more references! Just tell them what happened!" Link yelled from the front row of benches.

"Oh. Link wasn't going fast enough, so I saved the day."

"No, you bumbling idiot, what really happened!" Link yelled again.

"Oh. Your old pal Groose here caught the running guy dressed in green. He did a lot of cool flips off of his Loftwing, and stopped the criminal in his tracks. He will also be signing autographs after the trial outside the courthouse."

After some more courtroom shenanigans ensued, the verdict was finally reached. The criminal was found guilty on all accounts, and was sentenced to death.

As he was being escorted out, Groose screamed out from the crowd, "**Hold it!**"

Link leaned over to Groose's sword, which had a seat of its own. "Please make him stop." Nobody thought of this as weird.

Groose got up and approached him, and put his hands on the criminal's shoulders. "Why… why would you do this…"

"Because, I was never treated with respect! I was a mere spec on the face of this island! And after all I'll been through, I get nothing. I decided if nobody recognized me as a Skyloftian, then maybe they would as a criminal. And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you me-"

Groose stood there, disgusted as this convict spat out these words. "Just take him away."

And so, Groose became somewhat less hated by the townsfolk that day, and the criminal was shoved off of the island, never to be seen again. A stone was placed in the graveyard. It read;

"In memory of the time Groose saved the day.

What would we have done without him…"

It took a lot of time for Groose to carve that many words into one stone.

* * *

"Master Groose, that's not what happened at all! You fried him with a laser when you landed on him, and the townsfolk still don't know what happened."

"Okay, so I may have exaggerated a few parts."

"I would have gotten him, if you weren't so quick to show off."

"Master, I must inform you that he was the one you gave the clothing to earlier in your adventure. Technically, you caused this. You were also the one who tortured him as a child."

"Yeah, Groose, this is kind of your fault. More so than mine, anyway."

As they all traveled towards Eldin, Groose said one last thing.

"I still don't understand why Fledge would have done that though…"


	30. Lods eGroose

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Finally! After a long hiatus littered with several illnesses, computer problems, work, and other hindrances, I have completed this chapter and I am not using the for more views. (Heh heh) But seriously, I promised an author's note, and damnit I was gonna make one. I would like to thank you all for supporting me through 30 Groosific chapters of this horrible abomination of Groosekind. I hope I can continue this minor success for a long time to come. Maybe we can even make it to 40 chapters before my brain slowly deteriorates into a sack of potatoes. I don't really know, but thanks for supporting me thus far! Remember to read, review, but most importantly, enjoy! ENJOY IT. (This is in all caps because it's already bolded)**

* * *

Groose, Fi, and Link touched down on the surface of Eldin. The scorched earth beneath their feet was barren of life. The dry, dead grass crunched as the group stepped upon it. Somewhere, a Bokoblin decided to go swimming in a pool of lava.

* * *

"Come on dude, do it!"

"I don't know man, that's lava. That stuff might burn me."

"No man, it's okay. Just do it."

"I really don't think I should."

"Do it or you're a Mogma."

"Now you're just getting offensive. Fine, but only to prove I'm not one of those dirt digging scumbags."

The three Bokoblins watched as their friend decided to jump into the lava. It began emitting loud, ear-piercing screams.

"Should we help him?"

"No, it's funny."

* * *

This is why you should never listen to your peers.

"Hey Fi, where do we go next?" Groose asked.

"My sources indicate that the Flame you are searching for is located at the top of the volcano."

"Alright!" Groose said excitedly. "Where's the volcano?"

"It's the huge thing right in front of you. The one that's spewing lava. That one, right there." Fi said, gesturing towards the volcano with her armless arms.

"Where? I don't see it."

"Groose, try opening up your eyes."

"I am."

"Wow. Okay, uh, next on our trouble shooting list is looking with your eyes."

"I am."

"Try registering the fact that there's a volcano over there."

Groose stood in silence for about a minute. Suddenly, "**Fi! I see the volcano!**" he blurted.

Link turned and said, "The thing that really surprises me is that we already got the Flame of Nayru, the Goddess of Wisdom."

Fi chuckled, but only a little. She still had a robotic position to fill. This imbecile was making it a bit difficult, though. Groose had been for the whole journey, but Fi was programmed to finish this adventure and help save the world, and damnit, that's exactly what she planned to do.

"Okay, let's get going. Now, in actuality, you're supposed to be completing another Silent Realm, but there's no way I'm going to let one of you idiots screw it up." she said. "That's why we're just avoiding the hot sections of the volcano by going around it. We can climb up the volcano without going into the caverns where you can't handle the heat. The item from the Silent Realm was useless anyway."

Groose liked the sound of this. The Silent Realms sucked, anyway. He began walking towards the… uh… volcano, was it? Yeah, sure, the volcano. He walked towards it.

Fi and Link followed him. As they walked, Fi relayed the rest of the plan. They would simply climb up the backside of the volcano.

* * *

"Fi, are we there ye-"

"Master, my calculations indicate that you aren't going to start this bullshit again."

Groose, Fi, and Link climbed the volcano some more. They were about halfway off of the ground and to the top. Well, actually, Fi wasn't really climbing, she just sort of levitated upwards. Groose and Link were climbing, using one hookshot each. After a while, they reached a rock platform. An empty Bokoblin village sat on the ledge, and a large boulder blocked the way into a cave.

"Alright, I believe this would be an ideal place to stop and rest before continuing. I predict a 76.874% chance the trail is littered with Bokoblin troops from here on out."

The three wandered into the village, and after some well placed bomb flowers, the boulder laid on the ground in pieces. They walked inside, not knowing what perils may lay in wait for them.

* * *

"Would you like to play a game?"

Groose chucked some rupees over to the strange creature, and entered the fenced in area. He walked up to a hole, and began to dig. A loud explosion followed, and Groose flew back against the fence.

"Would you like to try again?"

Groose, a bit more weary, tossed him some more rupees. The process repeated, he ran up to another hole, it blew up.

"Would you like to try again?"

"I don't know. I mean, after all, these rupees cou-"

"I'll only charge you if you hit a bomb."

"Well that sounds like a deal!"

The hero dug into the ground once more, and a bomb exploded.

"Would you like to try again?"

"You said there were rupees in there!"

"There is but one. But, it's worth over a million rupees, so it's totally fair."

Fi and Link sat off to the side, watching Groose blow off all his cash on this game.

"Should we tell him he's being cheated?" Link asked.

"No, it's funnier this way." Fi responded.

"So, which hole is it?"

"I'm not telling you."

Groose walked over to a random hole off to the side. "Is it this one?"

"No, it's not."

"So then if I started digging here, it wouldn't matter."

"No, not at all. But I still wouldn't."

"Well I'm going to."

"Actually, no, get out of the playing field now."

"No, I think I'm going to dig."

"Don't dig there."

"I will."

"I hereby prohibit you from digging in that specific hole."

"I don't even know what some of those words mean."

And with that, Groose dug into the hole. He pulled out a large, golden rupee. This was bigger than any rupee he had seen before.

"I'll be taking this."

The creature hopped the fence using his tail to propel him. He lunged at Groose, who swiftly dodged him.

"**No, you can't take it!**" the mole creature screamed.

Groose smacked him over the head with the big money. The shrewd creature passed out on the ground.

"Fi, we're going."

Fi wasn't about to object to him. He had survived three brutal bomb blasts, and knocked someone out cold with a rupee. She wasn't going to argue with that.

* * *

And so the group continued scaling the mountain. Soon, they reached the Earth Temple, which was still sealed. Loud noises could be heard from within. Fi turned around to face Link and Groose.

"This is where we lose the trail." she said. "Up ahead, there are tons of Bokoblins. This was most likely caused by the incomplete nature of the Earth Temple's segment of the adventure."

"Well, whose fault was that?"


	31. OH GOD MY GROOSE IS BURNING

**AUTHOR'S** **NOTE: Be warned, Ghirahim has a bit of a mouth on him in this chapter. Read, review, but most importantly, enjoy!**

* * *

"So this is the Fire Sanctuary? Doesn't look so tough."

After a grueling climb to the top of the Eldin Volcano, Fi found a passage that lead to the Fire Sanctuary's entrance. Groose stood at the flaming gates, admiring the decorated stone structure. His eyes drifted back to the gate. Jets of fire shot up from the ground.

"Hey Fi," Groose said, pointing to a jet, "is this the flame?"

"No."

He moved onto the next. "Is this it?"

"No."

"This one?"

"Groose, I'm no longer going to answer these questions."

"Well fine, I'll just figure out the same way you do." Fi usually sort of jumped into the fire, and then it was the sword fire, so Groose figured he could do the same thing. Right? After all, he was the hero, and plus, he was Groose, the best there ever was.

Groose ran into the gate of fire and immediately burst into flames. He began running around and screaming.

"Groose is on fire. You know that, right?" Link asked a bit sarcastically.

"Yes."

"**Oh Goddess Din my flesh is burning!**" he screamed as he hit a wall. He ran right through the weak brick structure, without a single Kool-Aid man reference to be made.

"Hey Fi, should we follow him?"

"I suppose we have to."

Link and Fi ran after the flaming hero as he frantically busted through more walls.

"Fi, how did he do all that damage? These walls are made of brick, they shouldn't be that easy to break."

"Did _you_ want to go through this entire dungeon?"

"Groose! Smash more walls!" Link called out to Groose.

* * *

Groose sat on the burning and busted remains of the boss door.

"Hey Fi", he asked, "how did we get here?"

"My calculations indicate that the author doesn't think there's anything worth comedic value in this Sanctuary, hence he skipped most of it. He also has a blatant disregard for this Sanctuary's architecture and layout."

"Well, okay then."

Groose and Link entered the chamber. Inside of the hot, darkened room stood the ever-fabulous, ever-flamboyant, ever-fantastic Ghirahim. Link drew his sword, as did Groose.

"**You. You insolent plebian! Ignorant little shit! Idiotic bastard! Do you have any idea how difficult it is to do this job?!**" he screamed.

"No." Groose responded.

"**I travel this entire forsaken world, just to resurrect my master. But no. Groose, you are an asshole. I hate you. So. Much. Finally, I find the girl, and she travels through time. Who the hell does she think she is, Doctor Who!? No, that's bullshit! Now, I have to go find another gate through time. And sure enough, I find it, and what wretched brats show up at my feet? You, the scrawny bitch, and the floating piece of blue assjuice! Come on, I can't even catch a break!**"

"Ghirahim, I think you need to count to ten, and take a deep breath." Groose said politely.

"Oh, do forgive me. I did get a bit worked up over a small problem. I want to thank you. Now, **die!**" Ghirahim lunged at Groose. He dodged, sending the flamboyant man flying across the room. He slammed into the wall, chipping it ever so slightly. He stood up, a bit disoriented. A bit of blood trickled down his face, and he spit out a tooth.

"Okay, maybe you should count to one hundred."

Ghirahim ran at Groose again, sword at his side. He swung at Groose, who swiftly blocked it. He delivered a blow to Ghirahim's side, sending him sprawling across the room. He got back up, and sprung into the air. Groose began to run backwards. Ghirahim still hung in the air, moving closer and closer to his pompadoured prey.

"Groose! Toss me!"

Groose looked back just in time to see Link running towards him. Creating a foothold with his hands, he launched Link into the air. Ghirahim attempted to stop, but he was in the middle of the air, and friction doesn't work, plus inertia and all that stuff you learned in Science Class. Link hacked him straight out of the air, and he fell to the ground with a distinctive thump that could only be described as flamboyant.

He got up, and wiped the blood from his face. "Fine, you win for today... but soon, you will … die." He disappeared in a puff of smoky diamonds.

"Wow. What is his problem?" Link asked.

"We don't know." Fi responded. They walked into the flame chamber, and loaded up Groose's sword with flaming balls of fire. (As opposed to non-flaming balls of fire) The sword morphed itself into a different sword, this one with a shinier blade and a purplish handle.

"Oh shit, did it just…" Fi trailed off. She disappeared inside the sword.

Groose heard a couple of loud noises from the inside of his blade. He heard the faint words emanate from inside, "It reorganized all my stuff! What the hell! Where did my Wii go!? **Why is my bed on the freaking ceiling?!"**


	32. Yo Groose Get Me Outta Dis Whack Crystal

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I would like to conglaturate Groose on winning the VGCW Royal Rumble on Wednesday. For everyone confused about my previous words, I'd recommend checking it out. Remember to Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

* * *

Groose, Link, and Fi landed on the grassy floor of the Sealed Grounds. A dark cloud of smoke shot up from the center. The giant Dark Groose rose once more. It took a step, tripped, and landed on its head, which then pushed the stone back in as a result. He immediately sank back into his dismal hole. Link laughed as the group made their way to the Sealed Temple.

* * *

"Welcome to my temple!"

"Can it, Granny, we need to go back to the past." Groose said. He brushed past her and began beating the big rock with his sword.

"Master Groose, I suggest you charge your sword."

"How?"

After much explanation, some trial and error, and a little bit of first-aid, the symbols on the stone began to glow. The stone shattered into a thousand tiny blocks of different shapes and sizes. Then, in a large game of Tetris, the blocks formed a giant gear. Two more gears sprung in through the ceiling, and the gears began turning. A portal within the large gear opened.

"So this is the portal to the past?" Link asked.

"What were you expecting, a Delorean?" the old woman asked.

"Well no, I thought it would be a little grander than a couple of spinning gears."

"Welcome to my temple!"

"I honestly think you have the mental capacity of a deku nut."

The old lady looked at them, puzzled.

"Master Groose, I can conclude that deku nuts haven't been introduced into the series yet."

"But aren't deku seeds technically deku nuts?"

"I don't know, just run before she realizes!"

Groose sprinted into the portal, as did Link. Fi smirked at the crazy elderly woman, and went through the portal herself.

* * *

As they popped out of the gear and into the past, a very strange, yet familiar indeterminable face looked at them.

"Hi. Zelda's in the back room, and I'm too lazy to fill you in."

Link got up and began exploring around. "So this is the past? It looks a lot nicer in the temple, that's for sure."

Groose walked past the thing, and into the room behind it.

* * *

"Groose, I'm so glad you made it. I assume Impa filled you in on what's going on."

"Actually, no she… he… uh, it? I don't know. I think Impa is fine. Impa is a lazy bitch… bastard… damnit, what is it!? I don't care. Point is, Impa didn't fill me in at all."

"Okay then, I don't think you'll retain any of this anyway. Do you want a cooler sword?"

"Aw, hell yeah!"

Zelda folded her hands, muttered a prayer, and the Groose felt his sword begin to vibrate. It changed, and began glowing. The wing-like things on the sides expanded, and the sword became the holder of awesome power.

From the other room, Fi rushed in. "No, no no no, did you do anything to the sword again?"

"I improved it. It now has reached its full potential."

"I swear to Hylia, I mean you, if you screwed with my home anymore, I am going to…" Fi trailed off again as she faded into the sword. Groose tossed it across the room.

"So, I believe we have some catching up to do?"

"Actually, no, I must seal myself away now. Thanks Groose!"

Impa walked in as the maiden walked up the stairs. "Zelda, you must seal yourself away now. This is to prevent Demise from rising again." She walked over to the stairs and began climbing after Zelda.

Groose was- wait, what!? She was sealing herself away!? Groose had spent a lot of time finding her, and he wasn't going to let that manwoman rip him off from his hard work! No way! Groose, taking evasive maneuvers, ran up to the stairs as Impa reached the top. Zelda began forming a yellow-orange crystal around herself. Groose, who was at a full sprint, ran up the platform, and leapt the stairs in a single bound. He was grateful that he made it, because that wimpy Link couldn't have prevented this.

As he reached the top, he reached into the crystal. Groose then picked up Zelda, set her aside, and set Impa into the crystal prison. She panicked and asked, "Wait, what!? Groose, no, you ca-" as she was frozen in time. She stood inside the crystal, not moving, her mouth contorted into an urgent scream.

"Groo… Groose… Do you have any idea what you've done!?"

"Saved your butt, that's what I did."

"Groose! I was supposed to stay inside that crystal in order to prevent Demise from coming back to our world!"

"Zelda," he said, placing his hands on her shoulders, "I spent so long trying to find you. I went through some crazy, whack-ass stuff. I was _not_ going to let you seal yourself away. So what's next?"

"Are you insane?!"

"Ask Fi." Groose said with a smirk. He walked across the room, and picked up the Master Sword. Fi was probably done bitching about her home by now, so he could just ask her. "Hey Fi!" he yelled.

Fi popped out of the sword. "Master, what do you want? Can't you see I'm busy trying to connect my console to WiFi?"

"Yeah, that's great. Where do we have to go next?"

"You're going to need the Song of the Hero to unlock the passage to the Triforce, so go ask the giant whale guy in the sky."

"You already knew this?"

"No, I have telecommunications with Impa. She's still alive."

"Oh. Cool. To the sky!"

Zelda has joined the party.

Link, Groose, Zelda, and Fi left the past through the time gear portal magic thing and went back to the future which was technically the present for them but from the past which had become the current present it would technically become the future, which makes the present the past although, thus making the new present they are now currently in the future, but to them viewing it as the present, and to the future selves, the past, and- screw this, go ask Doc Brown.

* * *

"_Hello? Anyone? That idiot with the weird hairdo trapped me in here! Let me out! Anyone? Anyone at all? Hello? Is there anyone there? I need to use the bathroom!"_


	33. You see, Groose's a case

"So Fi, you're sure this is the place? This giant cloud bubble thing?"

"Yes, Master Groose."

"So we just have to find some flying sky whale?"

"Affirmative, Master Link."

"Fi, why'd you just call Link master?"

"He asked politely."

"Can I be Master Zelda?"

"Well, I was going to call you Mistress Hylia, but the 'Master'-type prefix is sort of already given."

"No, but I'm like mortal and stuff now."

"Fi, I don't like this, can I be the only one called Master?"

"My calculations indicate that we're here."

Groose, Link, Zelda, their Loftwings, and Fi all arrived at the giant spinning cloud. Loud crashes of thunder echoed from within, and a dark contrast to the sky was clearly drawn.

"So we just go in, learn the song from the big whale, and leave?" Groose inquired?

"Yeah." Fi responded non-chalantly.

The group made their way inside, and while Groose and Link had already seen this place, Zelda had not. She was somewhat overwhelmed by the sites of the weird stick eye flying things, and the rainbow island. Such monstrosities, locked away from the rest of the sky. This was sort of like the goddess' recycling bin.

"Okay, so where's this big flying whale thing?" Link asked, with a determined look on his face. Almost in answer, Levias, the big flying whale, swooped out of the clouds from underneath the group. Link was sent sprawling off of his Loftwing, landing on a nearby patch of levitating ground. Zelda and Groose landed on the top of the whale thing.

"Mortals! What brings you to the domain of the magical sky whale, Levias?"

"We need the Song of the Hero."

"Well slow down now, I only know a little part of it. You're going to have to visit the other three dragons to learn the parts. But, I can give you mine."

And so, the flying whale gave the group a scratchy refrain of the Song of the Hero. There would have been a good joke here, regarding what the song actually was, but it would be stupid, since the audience can't actually hear anything.

"So that was it?" Zelda asked.

"Yeah." the whale answered.

"I assumed there would be more to this." Groose said.

"Well, I had a parasite in me last week, and that might have caused you some problems. But, I started thinking, and I'm just talkin' to this parasite, and I'm all like, 'Dude, I'm a huge freaking whale, you gonna get the hell outta me right now.' And then I defeated it with sheer willpower and a little motivation."

"Wow. Impressive." Zelda said, astounded by the whale's tale of heroism.

"Damn right."

"So now we can just leave?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

And with that, Groose and Zelda got onto their Loftwings and flew off. Link, just now getting up off of the floating ground chunk, stretched out a bit, then boarded his bird, too. He followed the other two out of the thunderhead, and into the blue sky.

* * *

"Fi, where do we go next?" Groose asked.

"Quit asking me that, I'm not a GPS."

"Well,do you think I know where to go?"

"No."

"Well then where do we go next?"

"Faron."

* * *

Groose, Fi, Zelda and Link touched down on the soft dirt of Faron Woods. The Kikwis, who had just gotten over celebrating another holiday dedicated to the consumption of drugs, lay on the ground twitching.

"Huh, they weren't this way when I saw them last!" Zelda said as she walked by one.

"Yeah, I figured they would do something like this. Again." Link responded.

The quartet made their way to the Ancient Cistern, and then into the Water Dragon's home. She sat in the center of the room, with a look of distraught on her face.

"Hey there, Miss Water Dragon. We need the Song of the Hero."

She turned around and glared at Groose. "Ah. You see, normally, I would have a sort of challenge, or something more set up to suit your needs. You need the Song, but I just can't give it to you. I'm a guardian, and as all must do, I guard. I would have set up tadtones, or some other bullshit. But you know what? No. I refuse to engage in such a childish manner. The challenge requires something with more skill. More work. More challenge. More slams. More jams."


	34. Groose: Shut Up and Jam

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: On behalf of The Captain and I, congratulations on reading The Legend of Groose: Skyward Pompadour this far. This was one of my favorite chapters to write, and I spent a lot of time on it. This chapter has been one I've wanted to do for a while, and I feel it is far superior to any tadtone bullshit the Water Dragon could come up with in the game. Tell me what you think! Remember to Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

* * *

_LAST TIME ON "THE LEGEND OF GROOSE: SKYWARD POMPADOUR"._

"More slams. More jams."

_WE NOW RETURN TO "THE LEGEND OF GROOSE: SKYWARD POMPADOUR"._

* * *

"I'll take you on," Groose said with ultimate swagger, "your pitiful slamming skills are far inferior to mine. My jams can overpower any. My dunks are too advanced for such ballers as yourself. With all due respect, Miss Water Dragon, I can out-slam and out-jam you any day of the week."

Fi turned to Groose, shocked by his sudden burst of courageous b-ball skills. "Groose," she whispered, "do you even know what a basketball is?"

Groose turned around to face Fi, and held up a book. "No, but I found this autobiography of Charles Barkley in a bush outside, so I think I can bluff and scare her out of the challenge."

The Water Dragon let out a hearty laugh, and Groose spun around to see her bend over and extend an arm to Groose. "Alright, maggot, you've got a deal. Meet me in Faron Woods in one hour. There, the basketball shall be played." She grabbed Groose's hand, and shook. Groose involuntarily bobbed up and down. The Water Dragon released her hand, and flew backwards into the water with a splash.

* * *

"Groose, what the hell were you thinking!? We're going to get killed, because you don't know how to play basketball. This is your fault, and now we'll never get the Song of the Hero!" Fi said, flustered.

"Well, how the hell are we going to fix it!?" Link added in, as he kicked at the dirt. They stood outside of the Ancient Cistern's ruins.

Groose was angered by this, and looked at the book. The eyes of Barkley seemed to gleam into his. They sparkled like diamonds in the sunlight, and they seemed to say, "Groose, why hast thou stopped believing in the jameths?" Groose could feel the magic of the slam jam radiating off of the book, as though it wanted to play, as though it had a burning passion, a desire to play, a desire that could stretch beyond the very perception of time and space itself, a desire that could shatter dimensions, regardless of universal laws. None of it mattered, only the slams, only the jams mattered.

"Guys, we can do this! I may not be the best homerun hitter, or quarterback, or point defender, but I'm pretty sure we can play sports." Groose declared triumphantly.

"What are you even talking about?" Zelda asked.

"We are going to play basketball. And we are going to get a strike or spare or something."

* * *

And so our heroes began training. After five minutes, Groose got bored and sat down on a log. He once again picked up his book. "Charles Barkley? Who the hell even is this guy?" Groose flipped through the pages, but they appeared to be written in some sort of archaic language. He mumbled a couple syllables from the book, and a bright blue light began glowing from within the pages. A loud hum began emanating from the book.

"Hey do you guys hear that?" Link asked. "I think it was coming from over there." Zelda, Link, and Fi walked or floated, depending on transportation methods, over to the spot where a bright blue light shined up into the sky.

"Groose? What in Farore's name did you do?" Fi questioned.

"I didn't do it!" Groose yelled.

"Why are you hiding behind that log?" Fi asked. Groose was indeed sitting behind a log, poking and prodding at the book with his sword.

"I didn't do it!" he screamed again, and flipped a page. Suddenly there was a bright flash, and our heroes were blinded temporarily. When their sight returned, a blue, transparent man stood before them. He was roughly 6 foot 6 inches, and had a limp in his left leg. He was dribbling a ball of sorts.

"Listen to me, b-ball mortals. I am the spirit of the great Barkley. I have traveled to your land to help you in your quest. The time is now. The jams are echoing across universes. I understand you must win a basketball game in order to complete your journey?"

"Yes." Groose said, bewildered.

"Well then I pass my spirit to you, so that you may jam and slam as I do." And with that, he took the ball he was dribbling, and threw it to Groose. He received it in his hands, and it sank into them, melting into a bluish liquid. The liquid ran down his arms, and onto him, eventually enveloping him. Slowly, it began to glow. It continually got brighter and brighter, until it was unbearable to watch. The light was released in a sudden burst, and Link, Fi, and Zelda looked up to see Groose standing in the same spot he was before. The book had shut, and the sparkling eyes of Barkley had faded. They now looked as though they were empty pits, full of unfulfillment.

"Groose, are you okay?" Zelda asked, running to his side.

"I feel… different."

"What do you mean?" she inquired.

"I feel like I could jam the world."

* * *

"Hey, Water Dragon! Come out here, we're ready to slam you!" Groose screamed into the water falls of Faron. They echoed around, yet were overpowered by the sound of rushing water. Suddenly, a large splash erupted from the lake below, and a spray of water flew into the faces of the heroes. The Water Dragon flew overhead, making her way to the middle of an empty field. Using what Groose assumed to be Dragon Magic or something, a court appeared.

"Alright, let's go." the Water Dragon said. She created a basketball out of water, because magic is fun. Three Kikwis waddled out from behind trees, and took their positions on the court.

"Alright, team huddle." Groose said. As Zelda, Link, and Fi all huddled, Groose spoke true words of wisdom that only he could have spoken. "Don't screw up. That's my plan. Now let's go get some goals."

"Points."

"Points! Yeah!"

* * *

And so the score stood still at 100 apiece. Groose was simply standing in front of his hoop, while Link and Zelda lay passed out on the sidelines with minor concussions. Fi sat on the bench, sarcastically cheering on her "Master". The other team was also in shambles, as the Kikwis has left after five minutes to go get some shrooms. One of them waddled aimlessly around the edge of the court. The Water Dragon was panting, as was Groose.

"You little brat!" she said in-between gasps for breath. "The b-ball game is mine. The next shot wins. And you don't have a chance."

Groose was furious. Outraged. Sick with anger! She was _not_ going to pull this bullshit. She picked up the ball, and shot it. As she did, she collapsed on the ground, nearly unconscious, the world spinning with vibrant colors around her.

Groose saw the ball fly overhead. Beads of sweat dripped from beneath his pompadour. Suddenly, a growing cheer rang in his head. "_Groose…Groose…Groose!_"

Using this initiative, he leapt into the air, grabbing the ball. As he landed, he could hear the chanting grow louder, and music began accompanying it.

_Everybody get up, it's time to slam now._

Groose was taken off guard by the sounds in his head, but he could see he had a clear shot.

_We got a real jam goin' down._

Groose wasn't sure about the song in his head, and thought it might irritate viewers, but he continued to push forward onto the opposing side of the court. The Water Dragon turned her head to see Groose sprinting towards her.

_Welcome to the Space Jam._

Groose leapt into the air, soaring towards the basket. The Water Dragon watched on in horror as the b-ball spirit began flowing through the blood of the hero. Jams were to be jammed here and now. Slams were to be slammed here and now. This was the Space Jam, reincarnated on the courts of The Surface.

_Here's your chance, do your dance at the Space Jam._

Groose drew closer to the net, and with a dunk of the hand, slammed the ball into the net. It bounced on the ground, and dissolved into a puddle of water. Groose muttered a single word, "_Alright,"_ as he fell from the hoop and onto the ground. Then, everything went dark.

* * *

"Hey…You…Watcha' gonna do?" a figure said as he leaned over Groose. Groose's eyes focused in, and he realized it was Charles Barkley. "The b-balls have been slammed and jammed, Groose, all is said and done, you have completed your basketball challenge."

"What the hell just went on?" Groose asked as he sat up.

Fi floated over to his side, and explained the situation. Groose had passed out, so Fi had received the song, and she now awaited return to the sky so that they could go to Eldin or Lanayru, depending on Groose's preference.

"Master, I must congratulate you. I didn't think you had it in you."

"Thanks, Fi."

Barkley, standing by, took the book in his holographic hands. "Groose, I must return to the world of the Space Jam now. We shall meet again, I promise you that. But as of now, in this universe, all the slams, all the jams, every b-ball, every dunk, every shot, everything has been fulfilled. Please, remember the jams, Groose, remember them and take them to heart. Goodbye, Groose." And with that, a bright light flashed from the book. When it was gone, Groose once again picked up the book. The sparkle had returned to Barkley's eyes, the slams and jams were back in him, the skills of b-ball were with their true master once more.

* * *

"Hey! Stupid! Wake up!"

"Wh…What the… When did… Who… What's going on? Where's Barkley?"

"Who?"

Groose sat up, and observed his surroundings. He was sitting on the floor of the Water Dragon's home, and Link, Zelda, and Fi were crowded around him. Link, the voice Groose had just heard, looked at him quizzically.

"Are you okay, Groose?" he asked.

"What's going on!?"

Fi stepped forward. "Master, as we walked into the Water Dragon's abode, you slipped and hit your head on the floor. You've been passed out here for the past half an hour. Are you functioning correctly?"

"I…I think so." Groose responded.

Zelda cheerfully spoke up, "Guess who got the Song of the Hero for you!"

"Is it you?"

"Yes!" She held up her harp, the one Groose had carried for so long on this journey, and strummed a tune on it. It consisted of the Whale's part, and the Water Dragon's part, combined. "Now we can go get the other two parts!" she said, smiling ecstatically.

"Come on, let's get going." Link said, and the other two began following him out.

Groose shrugged, and began to get up, when he felt a sharp pain in his back. Reaching back to touch it, he felt something nudging him. He grabbed it, and looked at it. It was an autobiography of Charles Barkley. The eyes were still sparkling.

"Hey Groose, are you coming?"

"Yeah. I'll be right there."

And for a quick moment, Groose could have sworn by every b-ball in the universe that he saw Barkley wink at him.


	35. Metal Groose Solid

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: After that last chapter, I thought it would be nice to return to Groose's normal antics and shenanagins. So here you go! Remember to Read, Review, and Enjoy! **

* * *

"Groose, we are descending into the Eldin Region at this time. Please fasten your seatbelts-"

"Fi! This is a bird!" Zelda screamed from the side. It went unnoticed.

"-and hold onto your tiny bags of peanuts. We will be landing shortly." And with that, Fi submerged herself back into the Master Sword at Groose's side.

"Fi, why did you do that?" Groose asked.

"I don't know," she responded, "it's just something I've always wanted to do."

As they neared the surface, Link had a realization that something was wrong. The sky was darker, and clouds were looming as they passed through them. He could feel the heat from the ground all the way in the air. Something was definitely wrong.

Groose also realized this too. However, his realization came when he was knocked off of his bird, along with everyone else. The trio and the Master Sword plummeted to the surface. Fi's voice rang out from the sword and grew fainter.

"Groose? Groose!? **Groooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…"**

* * *

"Uh oh! The Groose have started to move!"

"Wha… who said that?"

Groose sat up and looked around. He was in a cloth hut, shuttered in by some wooden bars. On the other side stood the adviser to Ghirahim, none other than… that one Bokoblin that has been mentioned a couple times throughout the story that you probably thought died in chapter twenty one but he really didn't! Ha! He stood outside the mock prison, taunting our hero with his bad 80s video game references.

"Now you are my captive, and after all the pain you've caused me, now you'll pay! You shall rot in there forever, and my grand master Ghirahim will win, and I'll become supreme ruler of the universe!"

"Dude, are you serious?" Groose asked him.

"Why, yes."

"He's using you and your forces to get his gain. He probably plans on discarding you as soon as he revives his master."

"I'm not falling for that one." The Bokoblin leader laughed, and the two Bokoblin guards next to him laughed along, though not as confident. They shared a nervous glance.

"Hey, your shoe's untied." Groose said.

"What? No, it's not!" the Bokoblin leader said, glancing down at his feet. "Look, it's perfectly fi-"

And with that, Groose burst through the shabby prison bars, pummeling the Bokoblin leader into the ground. Extending his arms, he punched the two guards, and knocked them out cold. He then tossed the Bokoblin leader into the lava river below.

"See you later, Red!" he taunted. "Now, to find my shit. And Link, Fi, and Zelda too. Actually, Fi may already be my shit, because she's my sword. Although she's sort of a separate entity, so I'm not sure what category she falls under. I'm still retrieving her, nonetheless."

* * *

Groose was now faced with a dilemma. Where was his stuff? Suddenly, he heard a guard approaching. Hiding behind some rocks, he watched as the guard passed by. He carried a lantern, and looked like he was about to fall over and pass out at any second. Groose, taking the risk of getting caught, ran out from behind the rocks and sprinted down the strip of volcanic rock floating in the lava pool. He wasn't seen, and he escaped successfully.

Groose continued along the path, until he reached two guards sitting in a watch tower. Now this was a new obstacle, one he hadn't encountered before on his path to getting his stuff back. He had to think quick. That wasn't happening. Before he could come up with a plan, one of the guards shined the light on Groose.

"Who goes there?!" he yelled down below. He readied an arrow in his bow.

"Just an… albino… Bokoblin?"

The one looked to the other, whom Groose noted was somewhat fatter than the other. "Kill it like the rest."

"No sir, I think it's some sort of Skyloftian human thing." he said, lowering his bow.

"Kill it like the rest."

Not wishing to disobey the lard sack of a Bokoblin who could bring the entire tower down by jumping, he readied the bow with an arrow once more. He let go. Groose dodged the arrow as it flew past his ear, and the guard readied another. Groose ran at the tower, and rammed into one of the legs. The tower's support began to crack, and Groose stepped back. The entire tower crumbled, and the two Bokoblins fell into the lava. "Oh Goddess, natural liiiiiggggghhhhttttttttt…" the fat one screamed as he drowned in the bright but burning lava. Groose gave a quick wave, and traveled farther up the path until he could no longer recognize it. It was dark, shrouded by the dust and smoke, and the only beacon of light came from a nearby watch tower, which blocked his path.

Groose was now situated in a cave, where darkness enveloped him. A weak voice rang out.

"Would you like to play a game?"

"No." Groose said, knowing exactly what this was. He stumbled across the darkness, and grabbed hold of the cheating mole.

"Put me down! What are you doing!?" he screamed.

Groose took the bastard and threw him out into the spotlight of a tower. He was rushed by guards, and they carried him away. Taking this open path, he was led up onto the ledge of the volcano, which he carefully maneuvered. He finally reached the surrounding area on the top of the volcano. When he looked at the very top, he spotted a small opening, and inside of that, something greater.

He could see the glimmering shine of the sword through a small crevice, one he knew he couldn't reach just yet. There had to be some way in. But how? Then, something caught his eye. A pile of tools and wood atop a ledge, located on a separate rock spire. A Bokoblin must have been fumbling around, attempting to build something, but Groose knew that it could be put to better use. He had an idea, and this idea would both shock and amaze the entire world.


	36. Metal Groose Solid 2: Puns of Link-or-Fi

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I would just like to say that before reading, listen to this song during the opening three paragraphs. Search "Metal Gear Solid 2 Soundtrack - Main Theme" on youtube and skip to 2:40. ****Is it my video or music? No. It belongs to their respective owners, as do pretty much everything else. But, this song... It just works. Don't tell me it doesn't. I am sorry for anything here, but it just does. Anyway, Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

* * *

And so it was done. After toiling strenuously for what seemed like days, the pile of scrap on the rock pillar had been turned into something greater than the entirety of the Skyloftian, Mogmanian, Kikwian, Goron, and Parellan races, plus whatever Groose had forgotten or whatever hadn't been made yet. This creation surpassed anything he'd ever made, or anything that had even been made. Groose took a step back, and wiped his brow. The creation was by far the greatest thing to grace the face of the surface. He had made something so amazing, he could only think of one name fit for it that could fully capture its glory. And so Groose beheld… the Groosenator.

Groose thought it wasn't too shabby. It was a simple machine, but it packed a punch. He could load anything into the throwing arm, and it would get chucked across the entire world, anywhere it needed to go. Groose had created the perfect machine. Groose saw the wind behind him pick up, and pieces of burning ash fluttered in the air. The volcano was spewing lava. Groose, seeing his opening now, leapt into the machine. He reached for the lever, and shed a single tear. He was so proud of himself. And with that, he pulled the lever, and was sent flying through the air. He quickly approached the opening in the volcano wall. As he made impact, there was a loud crash.

The walls to the cavern gave way, and when the smoke cleared, Groose stood triumphantly, his pompadour swaying in the wind. The Groosenator stood in the background, now a faint silhouette. Link, Fi, and Zelda looked up at him, amazed at what they saw. Groose walked forward to the sword stuck in the rock, and pulled it out with a swift motion. He held it high above his head, the sword filling with the power of the Goddesses. Then, with one swift motion, he sent a Skyward Strike, cutting away at the chains that bound the prisoners. He was a hero.

"Pff… I could've done that."

"Shut up, Link."

"No, you!"

"No, **you**!"

While Groose and Link bickered back and forth on the topic of Groose's heroics, Fi gathered some new information.

"Master Groose and Semi-Master Link and Over-Mistress Zelda/Hylia, I detect that the volcano is erupting and we need to get the hell out now."

Groose, searching the room, saw an exit. He motioned to the other three to follow him, and they made their way through an opening in the wall. Lava began pouring through the crevice, and Groose quickened the group's pace.

They sped through the tunnels, the lava close on their heels. Suddenly, Zelda tripped. Link was being ignorant, and ran past her. Zelda let out a cry for help, as the lava rushed closer and closer. Groose, who wasn't being a self-centered piece of shit, scooped Zelda up, narrowly getting caught by the lava. He continued running, but he soon lost sight of Link, who had ventured too far ahead. Groose ran and ran, and he soon could see his escape up ahead. Zelda clung tight to him, and he made a heroic leap out of the volcano. He landed on a nearby platform, and let Zelda off onto the ground. He looked around, and saw a familiar sight.

"The Groosenator!" he screamed with delight, and ran over to his machine. It was around here he realized he had gone in a gigantic circle in the volcano. Fi floated up to him, and congratulated him on his observation. Before they could celebrate Groose's heroics, a large clanking sound bellowed from the darkness below. Then, an object shot up, and landed on the rock pillar's top.

Groose took one look and mustered only two words. "Metal Groose!?"

The cockpit of Groose's previous contraption opened to reveal the fabulous Ghirahim. "Damn right, bitches!" he shouted. "Using the unopened Silent Realm portal, I went in there, and looky looky at what I found! Check this sucker out! This will be your undoing, Groose!" He held up one arm of the robot, with Link in his grasp. He pointed the other towards Groose, Zelda, and Fi. "**Say goodbye, you pathetic bunch of excuses**!"

Groose dodged bullet as Ghirahim laughed uncontrollably. He had obviously made some improvements to the G.R.O.O.S.E. while Groose was gone. Zelda and Fi took shelter behind another rock. Groose was all out of ideas. There was no way getting around him this time, he couldn't win- unless…

Groose took a chance, and loaded himself into the Groosenator. Giving a salute to his comrades, he yanked the lever, sending him flying towards the G.R.O.O.S.E. Ghirahim saw Groose, and began freaking out, yanking levers and pushing buttons frantically. Groose sailed through the air, his eyes set on Ghirahim. He crashed through the cockpit glass, kicking Ghirahim right in the head. The Demon Lord sat in the seat, dazed. Groose back flipped off of the G.R.O.O.S.E., and onto the platform. Fi and Zelda peeked out from behind the rock. Link fell onto the rock floor. Ghirahim and Groose's machine stumbled around, nearing the edge.

Ghirahim muttered, "I feel asleep…" With a swish of his hand, he disappeared in a blur of diamonds, and G.R.O.O.S.E. fell backwards into the lava.

"Oh my Goddess, **that was awesome**!" Zelda squealed, and ran to hug Groose. Groose could get used to this. Link stumbled over to them.

"What happened?"

"I saved us. Again." Groose replied to his stunned friend.

The dragon Eldin flew down from the volcano.

"Okay, now I'm not sure what the hell is going on here, but you know what, just, here's the song." He handed Groose a piece of paper. "Just take it. Don't hurt me." And with that, he flew away into the volcano.

Groose, Link, Fi, and Zelda celebrated their success over the fabulous villain, who was preoccupied elsewhere.

* * *

Elsewhere, Ghirahim was preoccupied. He needed to stop that damned group of misfit heroes from stopping his plans. He found it strange that they really hadn't interfered with him a lot, they were just running around collecting items most of the time. Nothing more than little rats in a maze, looking for cheese. But, he thought, what if the cheese wasn't there?


	37. AH, BUCKLE THIS, GROOSICOUS SPEED, GO!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey guys! I may be taking a little break, not a long one though, I can assure you. I've got some loose ends to tie up in a couple different areas concerning school, writing, and elsewhere. To give you a little perspective, I plan on finishing up by early-mid June, then taking summer off for my big stories. Maybe I'll do a side story or something, I don't know. I want to spend summer planning for my next step in fanfiction. That's my game plan, and for those who care, I have most of the series outlined to some extent. This is a loose outline, being that most of my chapters are written in a matter of two or three days, then edited and published as soon as I finish. But yeah, I think I'm doing okay, but tell me what you think! Remember to Read, Review, and most importantly, Enjoy!**

* * *

"Hey Fi, where do we go next?"

"Master Groose, that line is so overused any initial joke it had has been completely eradicated."

"What does eradicated mean?"

"Just go back to being heroic."

Groose and Fi approached the surface below. They flew alone, as Link and Zelda had gone back to Skyloft to check in on everyone.

"Funny thing is," Groose said, "Zelda's dad wanted me to find her, and we've had her for like, what, five whole chapters?"

"I don't know. A chapter is not an acceptable measure of time."

"Yeah, whatever. Oh, and also, did you see my cool saving of the world back there?"

"Yes I did, Master Groose."

"Yay! So where do we go next?"

Fi sighed. "Lanayru."

"Which one was that?" Groose asked.

"The one with the sand."

"The one with the… the… pirates?" Groose said in a hushed voice.

"Yes." Fi reluctantly replied.

Groose's face turned white, and his bird began spiraling out of control down to the surface. Fi, left floating in the air, descended down towards the sandy region beneath them.

* * *

Groose landed pompadour-first in the sand, the fall not killing him. He sat up, and grabbed his sword. He was definitely on the defense here, and he wanted nothing to do with any pirates.

"Hello there… traveler."

"Holy shit!" Groose screamed, aiming his sword at his unknown encounter. It was a large yellow dragon, coughing and wheezing.

"Don't you dare hurt him, you idiot!" Fi said, descending to the desert. She touched down, then turned to the dragon. "Mr. Thunder Dragon, what appears to be the problem?"

"A very… flamboyant man just injured me… I fear I don't have long…"

"But we need the song!" Groose whined.

"Does it look like I can sing, asshole?"

Fi interrupted the little spat. "Well, how do you propose we get the song?"

"I don't know, I'm dying, too bad, bye." And with that, the Thunder Dragon died unclimatically.

"Well great, now what?" Fi said.

"That's it, game over!" Groose cried in despair. He pounded on the ground.

Fi began thinking. This was not going to fare well. She knew that the Goddesses had intended for them to finish, and this wasn't normal. Perhaps that flamboyant bastard had gotten wiser. Well, there had to be a way around this. Fi looked around. The only thing noticeable was the blue time shift stone, gleaming from the ground. Then, Fi got an idea. Time shift…

"Groose! We're going to Faron!"

"Why?"

"Because we can still win."

* * *

"So this is it?"

"Yes."

Groose stood at the Gate of Time. This took them to only two places; now, and some random time in the past.

"So how does this help us?"

Fi walked around to the back, and began randomly pressing into the giant spinning gear. A type of interface appeared, and Fi calculated the approximate time of where, or rather when, they needed to go.

"It can do that?"

"Well yeah. Time travel isn't limited to certain amounts of time. Does this look like Ocarina of Time to you?"

"What?"

"No matter, just get in."

Groose stepped in as he was told. In a rush of swirly, spinny time, he was positioned back where he was roughly two minutes ago. He stood behind a pillar to observe the temple, and Fi joined him. Groose walked in, and Fi also did. That's right, you just read that. There are now two Fis and two Grooses in this story. Shit's getting crazy. Fi muttered, "I seem to have made a miscalibration…"

"Fi, what the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the story?"

"Now. You're looking at now, Groose. Everything that happens now, is happening now."

"What happened to then?"

"We passed then."

"When?"

"Just now. We're at now now."

"Go back to then."

"When?"

"Now!"

"Now?"

"**Now**!"

"I can't."

"Why?"

"We missed it."

"When?"

"Just now."

Groose, obviously frustrated, interrogated further through his companion's shenanigans. "When will then be now?"

"Soon."

"How soon?"

Fi, seizing the opportunity, dashed behind the gear while the other duo was preoccupied in previous activities. Fi fiddled with the controls, and Groose followed her over. Finally, it appeared Fi was done, and she yanked Groose into the Gate of Time with her using her non-existent arms. Then, they were back even farther.

Groose lay on the ground, his mind trying to comprehend everything. "So wait. There's more than one of us now?"

"I don't know how time travel works."

"Then why are you messing around with it?"

"The hell if I know, let's go. We need to get to Lanayru."

"Well how the hell are we gonna get there, Fi?" Groose pondered out loud.

"With the birds maybe?" Fi said, confidently.

Groose whistled, but got no reply. "See, the other us is probably flying right now, stupid."

Fi realized her error. "Shit, we gotta go back! Agh! I hate time travel!" Fi began to freak out.

"Wait Fi! We're not cavemen!" Groose walked over to convenient pile of wooden scraps. "We have technology." He began picking up shards of wood and beating the ground in an attempt to propel himself to Lanayru.

"Ugh, not even the SpongeBob reference is going to help us!"

After much more pandemonium, Groose had an idea. It would take some time, but they seemed to have all the time in the world.

* * *

"I'm done Fi!" Groose said proudly. The Groosenator 2 rolled out from behind the temple.

"Damn Groose, you are good at making these! How do you do that?"

"That doesn't matter." Groose said, hopping in the Groosenator 2. "We need to get going, right?"

"Oh, yeah." said the sidetracked Fi. She faded into the Master Sword. "Let's go."

"Preparing for launch! Three! Two! Uh… that one number that comes after two… you know, uh, which one was it…" Groose thought aloud as Fi reached out her… thing to pull the lever.

* * *

"Alright you scaly bastard, here you go!" Ghirahim said, stabbing the Thunder Dragon in the chest. He cried out in agony, but couldn't help but notice the pompadoured man flying through the air, headed straight for him.

"Fi, we're coming in too hot!" Groose screamed, as they crash landed. Ghirahim lay crushed underneath Groose. Groose picked himself up, and brushed himself off.

"Now can we learn the song, Mr. Thunder Dragon?"

"Wait, what are you… talking about?" He wheezed. "I can't sing. I need a fruit to cure me."

Groose looked down. "I have one right here."

"No you insensitive ass, not _that _kind of fruit!" the Dragon said as he lurched in pain.

"Oh. Well then what?"

"I need… the fruit from the tree… over there." He gestured towards the sandy remains of nothing.

"Well screw that, let's just time travel again."

* * *

Groose and Fi flew through the air again, leaving a perfectly good Groosenator behind for the next Groose and Fi. They neared their destination, getting a glimpse of a scene already played out.

"Alright you scaly bastard, he-" Ghirahim said, choking on the last word as he was crushed again by Groose. Well, not really again, but hey, time travel. Soon after, another Groose crash landed on that Groose. The Thunder Dragon finally spoke up, after witnessing this atrocity of general logic.

"Alright, uh, you can just have the song. Either one of you." The current Groose looked at the other, and pushed him over.

"Give it to me."

"Okay." The Thunder Dragon sang, and Groose learned. He now had all four parts of the song, so now he could complete another menial task.

Groose and Fi waved goodbye, and flew back up to the sky. Groose asked his companion, "Hey Fi? Is it okay leaving all those other duplicates down there? What's going to happen?"

Fi responded. "Pff… I'll be damned if I know. Time is just a big ball of wibbly wobbly... timey wimey... stuff. I don't know what's going to happen."


	38. Groobix Cube

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm baaaaaaaack... And better than ever (hopefully!) I'm nearing the end, and I think the story is going pretty well. I hope to end pretty comically and climatically. I've actually written some of the chapters in advance to iron out plot bugs. Well, anyway, read, review, and enjoy!**

* * *

"Hi Link! Hi Zelda!" Groose said cheerfully, getting off of his bird. He stepped into the town plaza, ignoring the rubble and smoke surrounding him. A small child's whimper emanated from a nearby shack. "Geez, Gaepora really let this place go…" he commented under his breath.

Zelda looked up from the bench she and Link sat on. "Well, I was going to go see my father, but he's in an alcohol induced coma. His community has been reduced to shambles. Martial law was declared by the knights, but they left a while ago. They probably flew off to some other island. Things are just wrong. And the worst part is, there's nothing I can do. There's nothing we can do."

Groose shrugged it off, and Link patted Zelda's back in an attempt to comfort her. Fi, meanwhile, noticed that the tower in the plaza had toppled over, covering the portal to the last Silent Realm with debris. Oops. Well, this meant that they would have a mystery to solve: the case of the missing Sky Keep. Fi knew it was in Skyloft, but that was about it. Fi left the group to go searching for another way to access Sky Keep.

Groose stood, the ashes of the town blowing in the wind. Dusk had settled in, and the city grew darker and darker. Groose didn't even know why he was here. Fi said he had to look for Sky Keep, but he had been here for a good seventeen and a half years, and he hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary. He didn't really understand the concept of what a Sky Keep was, but hey, whatever. He decided to take a walk around his wrecked hometown.

* * *

Groose didn't like walking, and after about five minutes, stopped dead in his tracks at the weird platypus statue. The statue always intrigued him, first of all because platypuses did not exist in his universe, second of all, because platypuses were an odd choice of animals for the statue. Groose found it odd that it was one of the only things left that wasn't a pile of debris. Upon closer examination, Groose found that one of its eyes were missing. He reached at the other eye, a red, sparkling ruby. As he grasped it, he felt it come loose. With a small tug, he ripped off the eye of the statue, and held it in his hands.

"Groose… is that…" Fi said, spooking Groose. She appeared behind him, and took the ruby out of his hands. She gave it a close examination while Groose lay on the ground hyperventilating.

"Goddess Farore almighty, what the hell was that for!" he said between sharp breaths.

Fi took the stone, and inserted it into the other eye socket on the statue. Nothing happened at first, but then the statue began spitting out flying targets. Groose was perplexed by this, but he wasn't complaining. Maybe this would get him somewhere. As he got up and walked over to Fi, he couldn't help but notice that the targets were leading to nothing.

"Hey Fi… what are those for?"

"I don't know, Master Groose. A red herring, perhaps?"

Groose looked close, and noticed a shift in the foundation of the Statue of the Goddess. He gave it another close look, and saw it move some more. He pointed this out to Fi.

"Do you see that moving?"

"What moving? I think you're ju-" A loud noise interrupted Fi, and a huge-ass building shot out from under the statue.

"Fi, look! It's an upside down birthday cake!"

"Groose, I can correctly assume this is Sky Keep."

Groose got out his clawshots, and began swinging from target to target, screaming "Happy Birthday!"

* * *

Groose and Fi stood on the inside of the magnificent structure. The walls were made of ancient materials, with drawings painting the story of creation, the war between Hylia and Demise, what the Goddesses had for lunch a couple weeks later, and a couple other things. As Groose walked around the room, Fi observed the intricate artwork, and noticed something strange. One image, located far away from the rest, featured two figures, encased in a bright light, emanating from a small box. They appeared to be cooperating in some manner, and one held a quill. Ink dripped from its tip, spilling onto the floor, and bleeding into the next set of drawings. The ink's path seemed to weave itself in and out, gripping itself in every story, as though it was part of every story, part of every real event. Even the goddesses had ink in their portraits. Fi thought it was strange, maybe even a joke from the artist of the walls. Who knew.

"Fi! Look what I found!" Fi turned away from her observations to see Groose hunched over at a table. She floated over to him. He stood with a puzzled look on his face. She glanced down at the table, and her heart sank. It was a puzzle. This was hopeless.

"Groose, do you have any idea what you're doing?"

"I've done these before, they're easy."

"And how is that?"

Groose looked down at the sliding square puzzle. All he had to do was mix up these eight tiles so that it made a path to the little pieces. Groose remembered how he had completed a lot of these puzzles as a kid, and got right to work. He ripped off the sticker on the first piece, then the next, sticking the first down. He continued doing this until every piece made a straight connection to the Triforce pieces marked down on the map.

"Groose, nice try, but that will never wor-" Fi, cut off for the second time by Sky Keep, heard a loud rumbling noise. Sure enough, the temple had responded to Groose's antics.

"You've got to be kidding me." she said, passing through the doorway. When she came back, her mouth was open wide. "It… it actually worked!"

Link and Zelda walked in the room, joining the duo. "We heard a loud commotion, then noticed the giant upside down birthday cake. What's going on?"

"Groose is going to get the Triforce pieces." Fi said, as Groose left the room.

"You expect him to be able to accomplish_ that_?" Link said in response to Fi's bold statement.

"No, not really, but he hasn't let us down before. Well, he has, but we're still alive. With the exception of countless monsters, Skyloft citizens, a Parella, a Goron, and probably a couple other things, too." Fi said.

"Don't forget my future." Link added sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"I'm back!" Groose said, holding three golden, shimmering triangles.

"How did you do that so quickly?!" Fi exclaimed.

"After rearranging the stickers, I just erased the Triforce symbols with a pencil and drew them all in the same room."

Fi couldn't believe this. A two year old could have broken into the defense system created by the Goddesses to guard the ultimate power. She was surprised, but she wasn't complaining.

Groose stood in the center of the room, and the three pieces formed together to create the Triforce in its entirety. Groose felt something burning in his hand, and he held it up to see a tiny Triforce appear on it. A golden triangle began glowing in the lower right. Zelda experienced the same phenomenon, but her triangle glowed in the lower left portion. Groose stood before the Triforce, the ultimate power, granted to the mortals by the Goddesses themselves.

"Master Groose, this is your chance to save the world, right here and now. Think long and hard about this. How can you save the entire world with one wish? Think."

Groose stood for about five seconds. Then a voice boomed throughout the room. "_**Your wish is granted**_." it spoke. Groose reached for his pompadour. It grew a little bit in front of his very eyes.

"Groose… did you…" Fi stared at him, astonished. "You did not… what… did you just waste your wish… on your pompadour?"

Groose looked her in the eye and smiled. "Waste?"

Fi passed out and fell to the floor motionless. Actually, she fell _through _the floor down to the earth below. Groose shrugged it off.

"Oh my Goddess." Zelda said. "You just destroyed any hope we have of saving the world. Good job." Zelda also passed out.

Link took a look at the motionless body at the floor. She laid there helpless, nobody to help her. She had a prophecy to fulfill, and now she couldn't. Link felt something inside of him churn. He knew that feeling all too well. He shouldn't be here. He should be standing where Groose was now. He should be in Groose's position, the hero's duty, it was _his_. Link shouted out, his voice bellowing through the room. "Do I get a wish? I want to save the world."

The voice from the Triforce returned. "_**Yes, you may also have your wish.**_"

"Good." Link reached out to the Triforce, and felt the glimmering golden power rushing through his body. He could feel his wish being lifted from within him. Suddenly, there was a large flash of golden light. Link was knocked back, as was Groose. Link felt a burning sensation go throughout his body. When he got up, he was still a little shaky. Groose laid unconscious in the corner. Link held up his hand. A glowing Triforce emanated from it, glowing with the power of the Goddesses. Link had gotten his wish.


	39. The Groose Hits The Fan

"_Groose… Groose… wake up… __**Groose! Wake up!**_" Groose sat up, pain shooting through his body. Zelda was knelt at his side, holding his hand, screaming at him. Groose looked down at it, and frowned. The golden Triforce symbol on his hand had disappeared.

"Zelda… what happened?"

"Link went power hungry or something, and stole your portion of the Triforce, I think."

"Bullshit!" Groose said, standing up. He noticed that his sword was missing, too.

"Come on," Zelda urged, "We have to go find them!"

Groose walked outside, seeing Skyloft in a state possibly more strange than before. The town was actually in one piece, and the residents moved about their lives as though nothing had happened.

"Groose, I think that only the people in that room know about what happened." Zelda said, desperate to make sense of the situation.

"Well… We have some people to see."

* * *

"For the last time, I am the goddamned hero!" Link screamed again. All forty Grooses nodded their heads instinctively.

One stepped forth. "Uh-huh. So, you're telling me that you, the little runt, just flew down from Skyloft, and now you have the Triforce?"

"Yeah, look at your hands!"

All the Grooses looked down. "I see mine! Are you stupid?" one called out from the crowd. Several snickered.

"I am the hero now, I have the Triforce. You need to get out of the way. I don't know why it didn't affect any of you." Link yelled in exhaustion.

Several Fis popped out from the crowds swords, and spoke in unison. "_Link, my calculations indicate that if you are truly the hero, due to the circumstances of time travel, they currently are not accounted for by this time, hence it does not affect them_." Link shooed away the group of robot-fairies, and they receded back into the crowd.

"No, I'm not putting up with your bullshit. Everyone move!" Link ordered.

The Grooses didn't budge.

"**Hold it!**"

Link looked up, groaning. "What the hell are you going to hit me with now? Let me guess, another Groose?" he said sarcastically.

"**Link, you sack of shit!**" Link was surprised by the boldness of the approaching figure descending from the sky. As he got a better view of the falling silhouette, he recognized it as Groose, with Zelda clinging to his back. Link took hold of the Master Sword he had "gained", and pointed it at Groose.

"No, you're not ruining this for me!" Link said, as Groose and Zelda made a spectacular landing. Groose rolled forward, with not a scratch on him. He stole a sword from another Groose, standing by, and pointed it at Link.

"This ends here.", the real Groose said, pointing his Master Sword at the real Link.

"Oh, a sudden burst of courage I see?" Link said confidently. He pointed the real Master Sword at Groose.

Groose and Link stood among the multiple time travel copies of Link and Groose, swords aimed at each other. They circled each other at the center of the Sealed Grounds.

Zelda, who had watched enough of this, walked up the spiraling path to the temple.

As soon as they heard the temple door shut, Link lunged at Groose, who stepped aside and tripped him. Link was sent sprawling to the ground. "Alrighty, runt, I'm not gonna fight you if I don't have to. I am, obviously, the superior, not to mention the hero."

"**No!**" Link, angered by this, grabbed his sword and got up, jumping at Groose. Caught a little off guard this time, he held up his sword with both hands, catching Link's blade inches before his face.

Groose clenched his teeth, and threw off the ravaging runt. "This isn't getting closer to saving the world at all!"

* * *

Elsewhere, in an alternate universe, two supernatural beings, surpassing even the Goddesses themselves, held a conversation.

"No, I'm telling you, this is bullshit! There's no way you can have this end well!"

"Sure there is! This is why I'm the creative one!"

"No dude, how in the world can you make this work?"

"There is one bit of humor I haven't yet resorted to…"

"You don't mean… No, you can't do this."

"Do you expect me to do anything else? If I let this play out, one of them might even die!"

"You're the author! There are other ways!"

"Not this time, Captain… Not this time."

* * *

Fi awoke to a startling noise. A group of Grooses had surrounded her in the Sealed Temple.

"**Holy shit! Kill me!**" Fi screamed, as the Grooses gave a look of confusion. Fi was sure she had died and gone to hell. She never asked for this.

The real Zelda rushed into the temple, throwing the doors open. "Fi! We need your help!" The real Fi got up, and hurried over to Zelda.

"Yes, Mistress?" Fi asked.

Zelda unraveled the tale of what events had succeeded the Triforce's powers being granted, and how things had been reverted back to normal, or what would have been normal. All of Groose's "accomplishments" had been completely undone.

Fi's... places where eyes normally go widened. "Mistress Zelda, I have no recollection of this, but if what you say is true, paired with the time traveling occurrences recently, a tear in the space-time continuum is evident."

"I thought that was only a plot device used by sci-fi movies to add urgency."

"**Does this look like Star Trek to you?**"

Zelda was legitimately scared by this, as was Fi.

* * *

"_I'm_ the hero here, Link, there's nothing you can do to change that." Groose said, forcing Link to the ground with his fists.

Link spit out a tooth, and looked up at Groose with grit teeth. "Nothing _I _can do, but a small feat for the Goddesses and the Triforce's power."

Groose threw down his sword, and began running. There had to be some way to fix this.

* * *

"Dude, are you sure you want to do this?"

"There's no other way, this chapter's already published."


	40. Oops, I'm Groosing the Fourth Wall

Groose held Link by the head as he wildly swung his sword at Groose, which was just out of reach. "God… Damnit… Just… **Die!**". Link said, swinging the sword again. He was exhausted.

Groose let out a hearty laugh. "Link, did you expect to beat me? Hero or not, I'm still better. Had you been the hero from the beginning, I still would have been better."

Link dropped his sword and clenched his fists. He sent a jab into Groose's forearm, causing Groose to loosen his grip. Seeing his opportunity, Link launched a nasty uppercut into Groose's jaw. He stumbled backwards, tripped and fell. Link grabbed the sword and lunged into the air. Groose rolled and dodged as Link descended onto the ground.

* * *

"No, I'm the better!"

"No, me!"

"I am obviously more _fabulous_ then all of you!"

A small gathering of Ghirahims bickered amongst each other behind the Sealed Temple. They got in each other's faces, trying to push their point to one another. Suddenly, the clouds above them parted. Light shined through them, striking the flamboyant group with radiant beams. The looked up in awe.

"Behold, I am… hey… you're not Groose. Is this some sort of pride parade?"

"No, I am Ghirahim!" one screeched to the heavens.

"No, me!" another said, pushing the previous out of the way.

"Ah… screw you guys. Can any of you tell me where the real Groose is?" the voice boomed.

"Try in front of the temple." one called from the back of the group.

"Thanks. Carry on." The clouds were brought back together, and the Ghirahims began their little spat once more.

* * *

Groose and Link met at sword point, both blades locking each other into a death stance. Groose was getting sick of this power-crazed runt. Groose gave a shove, sending Link toppling over. Groose fell to his knee. Once again, the clouds parted. Light shined down, covering the two combatants in a brisk glow.

**"Behold, I am Potatosaurusrex! Author of Words!"**

Another voice cut in from the background. **"What the hell did I tell you about self-inserts?"**

**"Shut up, it's fine. If the readers complain, I can fix it later."**

**"Pretentious bastard."**

The voices in the sky refocused back on the world of mortals. **"Yes, I am Potatosaurusrex, and this is my assistant, Captain Rodriguez."**

**"Assistant? No, I'm equally important here!"**

**"Fine. My equally important assistant, Captain Rodriguez."**

**"Okay, _Batman_, why don't you just call me Robin?"**

**"Why don't you just _shut the hell up_?"**

**"Fine."**

Potatosaurusrex refocused once again. **"Yes. Potatosaurusrex and Captain Rodriguez."**

Groose and Link looked skyward with amazement. Their swords fell to their feet.

**"Okay, now, I'm going to make this quick. I'm aware you assholes completely disregarded the rules of time travel, and that there are potential rips in the space-time continuum?"**

Fi, overhearing the voice outside, phased through the wall and stood outside the temple. "Yes, that is correct."

**"Well, at least I was right. Okay, using my magical author powers, I'm going to fix everything."**

* * *

_*POOF*_

* * *

Suddenly, there was only one Groose, only one Link, only one Fi, only one Zelda, only one Ghirahim, and only one plot hole actually filled.

**"Potatosaurusrex. We're done here."** the voice bellowed. The clouds began to shut.

"Wait!" Fi said.

**"What do you want, armless being?"**

"Who are you?"

**"Well, imagine me as a being that transcends the Goddesses themselves. Captain Rodriguez, too."**

"So, did you make the Goddesses then?"

**"Well, yes and no. I didn't make the original Goddesses, but the Goddesses in this universe are basically the same, but I altered them a bit. They're not necessarily better, but they're different. Imagine that the original three Goddesses are the Wiimote, and_ my_ three Goddesses are like the Playstation Move remote."**

"Oh, I get it." Fi was satisfied.

"Yeah, that's great, I'm leaving." And with that, the clouds sealed themselves once more, and Groose and Link looked at each other.

Before any words were exchanged, the clouds opened again. The other voice boomed down this time. **"Hey hey people, Captain Rodriguez here. Just wanted to tell you guys that the effects caused by Link's selfish wish were reversed too, due to time travel's affects. We just set the world's state back a couple of days. No biggie. So the Triforce is still in Skykeep. Better get on that."** The clouds closed.

Groose looked at Link. Link looked at Groose. "You know what? Screw. This." Link said, exhausted and defeated. "I just can't win. Groose, I don't know how you've done it, but a God that we didn't even know existed has given you the go-ahead to be the hero. There's not much I can do to change that. From this point on, I'm with you all the way." Link held out his hand to Groose, who got up to accept the friendly gesture. The two shook hands, then headed for the sky. There was a Skykeep to beat.

* * *

"I'm… I'm all alone again… there's no more of me… simply _fabulous… _so what now? I assume I should proceed in my plan. Yeah, that sounds good to me."

* * *

"Bullshit, Potato, what were you thinking!?"

"I got the job done, I don't want to hear it."

"My ass you did! For all we know, you may have just single-handedly ahnialated the entirety of your fanbase with a single blow!"

"You approved this, remember?"

"Well, I suppose that's right…"

"Besides, my self-insert wasn't that important. I wasn't stupid about it, I'm not inserting my character for any story reasons other than the fact that I had to fix the time-travel problem some how. All I did was crack a few good jokes, and fix shit. Well, you fixed the shit, but I made some pretty good jokes. Besides, that was like a one time thing! And I figured, hey, if I'm digging myself into a hole, I'm going to fix it with a funny way. And don't worry, it was ironic, so that makes it perfectly okay. I think."

"Okay… I don't really care. Good job. Also, you spelled annihilated wrong."

"Thank you. Oh, and one more thing… have you seen my Charles Barkley autobiography?"

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE (at the bottom):** **OKAY. Before you start complaining, yes, I did do my self-insert. If you want to know why, it's on my profile page. Go there if you're bothered. I would post it here, but it's really, reaaaaally long, and I think I'd feel wrong bumping up my word count with it. But yeah, go read it. It's a couple sections down, but it's there. With that aside, I'd like to congratulate myself on 40 chapters and roughly 44,000 words. I'd also like to congratulate you for making it this far. Without your support, I'd have given up around the first chapter. Thank you to all my fans. Remember to read, review, but most important of all, enjoy.**


	41. GROOSE CATCHES HIM WITH THE AXE HANDLE!

"So… what the hell do we do now?" Link asked. Ghirahim had showed up somewhere in the confusion, and now Link, Groose, Ghirahim, Fi, and Zelda stood in the middle of the Sealed Grounds.

"Well… I could always steal Zelda… but damn! That Triforce thing sounds nice! I think I'm going after that! Screw Demise, ultimate power sounds good to me and me alone!"

"Wait… when was ultimate power mentioned?" Fi asked. There was a long pause, as everyone's eyes slowly shifted to Groose.

"Oh yeah!" Ghirahim piped up. "I sneaked here after overhearing that God's little speech, and asked what the Triforce is. Your pal Groose over here told me everything."

Link groaned aloud, and Zelda slapped her forehead. "**Out of all the information you could have retained, it had to be that one bit. It just had to be.**" Fi moaned.

Ghirahim gave the group a shit-eating grin, a grin that said, "hey, all your hard work is going down the drain". That kind of grin. "Well, I'm off to the Skykeep, which I know the location of thanks to Groose, too. Bye!" He snapped his fingers, and disappeared in a smoky puff of diamonds.

"Groose, we need to get to Skykeep, and fast. I don't think we can get to the sky in time with our birds! All is lost!" Zelda cried.

Groose began actually thinking for once, pacing the ground. He paced back and forth, thinking for about a minute. He had nothing. He looked up, about to admit to the group that he had failed.

Link saw the look of hope gone from his ally's eyes. He really blew it this time, and the entire world was about to feel its effects. "Guys, I think we're done. There's nothing more we can do. Game over."

As Groose scanned his comrade's despaired faces, something caught his eye. Something was jutting out from behind a wall, up by the temple. "Not if I can help it." Groose immediately recognized the welcome piece of scrap, and formulated a simple plan in his head. Grabbing Link and Zelda by the shoulders, he pulled them into the center of the grounds. The air current shot them up to the top, and the trio made a touchdown by the wooden machinery.

"Guys… say hello to our ticket to saving the world." Groose pulled out the clanking, shabby "world-saver" from behind the overgrown wall.

Link and Zelda spoke unanimously under their breath. "Is that…?"

Fi rose up from the bottom of the grounds, rejoining the group, and finishing the sentences. "The Groosenator! Master, if my calculations are correct, this has just enough power to get us to Skykeep."

"Everyone on." Groose said to the group, and the three mortals boarded the Groosenator. Fi disintegrated into the sword. Groose asked if everyone was ready, and everyone gave a thumbs up. Groose reached for the lever, and gave it a hard pull. The group was sent flying into the air. Fi, accustomed to the situation, screamed, "Hey Groose! Looks like we're blasting off again!" The group groaned and disappeared as a twinkle in the sky.

* * *

Groose, Zelda, and Link sailed through the air, soaring through the cloud barrier, approaching the lowered Skykeep. They neared it, growing closer and closer. "Master Groose, I have some new information." Fi spoke, muffled through the sword. She popped out, and Groose looked puzzled. "I failed to realize that our contact point with Skykeep is in no way safe. Chances are that we will die upon impact. Well, you will. I'll just sit here laughing because I phased through the wall." Link and Zelda looked at each other, over hearing the entity's information. They looked back to Groose, who was still trying to process this. They looked forward, seeing the wall of the temple approaching fast. They all screamed at the top of their lungs, impact immanent. Link suddenly had an idea. Taking the sword, he held it up to the sky. It charged with a bright light, the power of the Goddess's once again surging throughout the blade. He handed it to Groose, then pointed to the Skykeep. Groose somewhat understood, and made an attempt to play patty cake with Link. After a bit more mental redirection, Groose got the idea Link originally was trying to convey.

Groose held the sword up, the blade glowing bright. Zelda winced, and Link prayed, as they collided with the side of the Skykeep. There was a bright flash, and a loud crash. Groose, Link, and Zelda tumbled across the floor, bouncing to the wall. A gaping hole in the wall brought light into the sacred room, as Groose and Link stood to witness a quite stunning display.

Ghirahim was standing over the puzzle, fuming with anger. Tiles were floating in midair, surrounded by Ghirahim's trademark diamond mist. He summoned a knife, and began stabbing at the puzzle.

"**By the Goddess's, damn you, why can't I solve this puzzle!? What sorcery is this? Who in Nayru's name would be able to solve this shit!? Nobody, that's who! This is utter bullshit! What the hell were those bastard Goddesses even thinking?!**"

"Hold it right there, you flamboyant scumbag." Groose said, pointing his finger to the fabulous, but fuming demon lord. He looked up, not even noticing the giant hole in the wall due to his outburst of anger. He dropped the formed knife, and looked to the hero.

"You wanna go, bitch? You wanna go? I will take you, right here, right now. I'm fed up with this shit, this puzzle is too goddamn hard for anyone to figure out, and I'm quite frankly done with it." He formed a sword with another puff of diamonds, and pointed it to counter Groose's finger. "Let's go. By the time I'm done with you, your friends here won't be able to recognize any of you."

Groose took up the sword, which laid on the ground. He pointed it to counter Ghirahim's sword, and the two began a set of clashes, the swords flying quickly, sparks filling the space around them. The sound of clanging metal echoed off of the walls.

"Quickly!" Fi yelled to Link. "Solve the puzzle!" Zelda ran up to the puzzle's stand, gathering the loose tiles on the way there. She placed them all in, and began rearranging them. She noticed that the tiles almost had their surfaces peeling away. After discovering that they were stickers, she made quick work of the sliding tiles, and ran through the door to get the pieces. Back in the room, Ghirahim and Groose were still in a heated battle, neither letting up their guards.

Groose was getting tired of holding off this flamboyant faker, and put in a fierce slice to the demon lord's stomach. He stumbled backwards, nearing the hole. Groose, seeing this opportunity, ran towards him. He took both his hands, and held them above his head. The Demon Lord looked up in time to see Groose swing around his hands, smashing Ghirahim in the face. His body slowly slid out of the Skykeep unclimatically, until he finally fell to the surface below.

Link and Fi stood in the corner doing nothing in particular. Link was useless for the entire battle, really. He would've said something, but was cut off by Zelda, returning with the three Triforce pieces. She laid them out on the ground, and they began floating and glowing again.

"_**Welcome. You have found the… oh shit it's you guys again.**_"

"Okay, Groose, make your wish. Wish for the world to be saved."

Groose walked up to the Triforce, and placed his hand on it once more. "_**Your wish is unfortunately granted." **_the voice boomed. Groose's pompadour grew.

Fi sighed, realizing that this would happen. She signaled Link to go up to the Triforce. He made his new wish, a wish free of his original intentions, free of his inner selfishness. There was a loud rumbling noise. The entire room shook, violently sending Groose, Link, and Zelda to the ground.

* * *

"Please, please oh dear Goddess Hylia, save our town. What wrath have we brought upon ourselves that we should deserve this?" a random Skyloftian citizen prayed outside the Statue of the Goddess. Suddenly, almost as if in response, the ground began shaking. The citizen stood back, amazed by the reaction to his words. He ran down the steps, tripping towards the end. He couldn't wait to tell everyone.

* * *

"Guys, I swear! It shook! The town is saved!" the man cried, the various citizens looking at him. Finally, one stepped forth.

"Dodoh… you do realize that the Statue is gone, right?"

Dodoh turned around, looking to the place he was previously praying. Sure enough, it was gone.

"Oh… okay, back to business as usual, I guess. So… who do we eat if we run out of food. I believe we left off on Pipit?"


	42. The Angriest Grooser You've Ever Heard

Ghirahim lay somewhat broken in the Sealed Grounds. He'd been through a lot lately, and he just wanted to rest for a couple minutes, or like a week. That would be nice. He just wanted to resurrect his master, that's all. He never asked for this. He raised a limp hand to gently stroke his hair. The sky was looking more like a smeared pastel painting at this point. He couldn't even see straight, much less think straight. His body was contorted to a weird position, so he chuckled a bit at the thought that none of him was straight. He was not straight at all.

Almost as if the Goddesses were reacting to the ongoingness of this semi-subliminal joke, Ghirahim spotted a dark spot that had appeared in the sky.

"_What… what is that?_" Ghirahim choked out in-between short, sharp breaths.

The object grew nearer and nearer to the ground, until Ghirahim finally realized what it was.

"_Sh… shit… oh shit… __**oh shit!**_"

* * *

"Groose?" Zelda called out. "Groose? I think we're done. Did we win?"

Groose got up, shoving a piece of rubble over. "**We're done when I say we're done.**"

Fi asked from within the Master Sword, "Are we done?"

"According to _my _calculations," Groose said, parodying his companion, "We just kicked some flamboyant ass and saved the whole world."

Link stood at the hole in the wall, attempting to claw his way out. Obviously they had landed on the surface somewhere, and were now in the ground. Groose went to join him, and eventually they saw daylight. As they crawled out, they recognized the surroundings as the Sealed Grounds, or what was left of them. The statue and Sky Keep had filled in the ground, and the temple stood in front of them. Groose, Fi, Link, and Zelda walked up to the door, and pushed it open.

"Hey! Is anyone home?" Link asked.

"Welcome to my temple!"

Groose was never more happy to see the short, unstable little jerk who had been of little to no help to him. He ran up, and gave her a huge hug, then tossed her aside. She wasn't _that_ important. Zelda went up to inspect the Gate of Time, and Link began walking over to Grannie.

"So… is the adventure over? Are we really done?"

"Well… it would appear so. Congratulations, my heroes. And to you, Groose."

Link, overjoyed with this, pumped his fist in the air. Zelda let out a squeal of glee, and Groose simply smiled. After all, this was expected. The Groose had been set loose, and frankly, there was no stopping him after that.

"**Surprise, bitches!**" a voice boomed throughout the room. Groose looked up to see the ever flamboyant Demon Lord appear before him. He pushed Groose aside, and began walking slowly towards Zelda, who stood on the stairway through the Gate of Time.

"Nothing can stop me… idiotic hair styles… mediocre 'heroes'… falling chunks of statues… nothing… nothing can stop me." He began climbing the stairs, slowly laughing to himself.

"Look out!" Groose screamed. "Zelda, he's gonna take you back to the past!"

"To play the shitty games that suck ass?" Zelda responded, unaware of the danger the beat-up clown presented. He dashed forward, grabbing Zelda and rushing through the Gate of Time.

"**No!**" Groose screamed, falling to his knees. "I knew I should have opted for a change of words!"

Grannie placed her hand on Groose's shoulder. "Well, it looks like you have a bit more work to do."

Groose got up, a clenched his fists in rage. He was done with this bullshit, he was done. He had eradicated all evil, it shouldn't have existed any more! He was 99% sure that Ghirahim was crushed by Sky Keep and the Statue. So, how did he survive? And why didn't he just stop?

Fi, almost as though she read his mind, floated over to him. "Master Groose, I sense the anger you must have right now. But, we still have a job to do, albeit in a different time, but a job nonetheless. We still have a world to save."

Groose stood, wielding the sword "given" to him at the beginning of his adventure. After all that had transpired, he really began to ponder. Was this really worth it? Was he really the hero? Why him? Well, there was only one way to find out. Or at least, only one way that was somewhat convenient when compared to the others.

Groose stepped forth, and stood before the Gate of Time. Link followed, as did Fi. Groose noticed a tiny post-it-note stuck to the Gate of Time. Upon looking at it, he threw it aside. It was something about time travel.

* * *

Dear Reader of this note:

I have fixed time travel so that stupid people don't do stupid things. Only one of the same entity can exist at the same time in dimensions. The entity of more importance shall live, and the ones of lesser importance shall cease to exist until the parting of the other entities from the current time at which they resided. I'm sure this is confusing if you're Groose, so don't worry about it.

Sincerely, Potato

P.S. I swear this is it for now. I think I lost the "ironic" part.

* * *

Groose and Link, with Fi in the sword, stepped into the Gate of Time, ready to face whatever fabulous fate awaited them. The gears of time began turning, and the three were swept into the past.


	43. GROOSE: Repercussions of Evil

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Oh dear Goddesses, I'm so close to the end... I mean, er, _"we're__"_ soclose to the end. Heh. Okay, the game plan for me is simple, and I am almost finished actually writing this. However, there is something I'd like to bring to all your attention. Starting now, and ending June 11, I'll take questions through PMs (I stress this: DO NOT LEAVE THEM IN YOUR REVIEW. I'm not looking for free reviews here, silly!) and then will compile a Q&A sort of thing. My plan is that if I get enough actual questions, I may do a video of some sort, or I might just email everyone back, I don't really know. I think a video would be nice, so feel free to send me any questions about me, my fanfiction, or Groose, and I'd be happy to answer them. Unless your questions are stupid. Then I'll have fun answering them, but it won't be useful to you. More info to come with next chapter, the finale! Then there will probably a lesser, toned-down epilogue of some sort where I can wrap everything up without killing all the suspense in the finale chapter. Alrighty, well that's all I know. Remember to read, review, and most importantly, ENJOY!**

* * *

Groose and Link stepped out of the portal and into the past. The past wasn't that different than it had been before, at least on the inside of the temple. A loud crash was heard from outside, and Link and Groose hurried to the door. Upon pushing it open, they got a glimpse of what really did change. There were magical-diamondy-fences set up all the way down to the center of the Sealed Grounds. This was some pretty damn bad landscaping. Four Bokoblins were lined up against the fence outside, drinking beer.

Ignoring the reference, Groose looked down to the center of the grounds. Ghirahim stood, looking up at Groose.

"Hey, maggots! Down here!" Directing attention to himself, Link joined Groose at the edge of the fence. "Originally, there was a huge ceremony and dance I was supposed to do, but I said screw that, and I just took her soul. Once I give this thing to my leader, nobody can stop me!" He looked skyward, and began laughing maniacally. "Nobody can stop me! Nobo- what the!? How did you two get down here so quickly?" Ghirahim appeared stunned as Groose and Link stood before him.

"We climbed the fences." Link said, chuckling.

"I went through all the trouble of setting those things up with magic, and you just go and do that?"

"Yep." Groose said smugly. He took out his sword, and Ghirahim slowly began backing up.

"So… how about that soul?" Link asked, menacingly.

"Well… uh…" Ghirahim produced a glowing aura of bright, golden light in his hands. "This is it, I guess. It's of no use to you. Why?"

"Because when I'm through with you, that's not going to be the only thing missing from someone's body."

As Link and Groose closed in on the flamboyant flop, he pointed to the sky. "Look!" he screamed, "It's the Bokoblin leader you killed in chapter thirty-six!"

Link scoffed. "Actually, Ghirahim, he was killed in chapter thirty-five, when Groo- **Oh my Goddess, get it off!**" Link screamed. The Bokoblin leader had landed on Link and began clinging tightly to Link's head, as he ran around in circles frantically jerking his head back and forth in an attempt to shake him. "**It's latched to my face****!**"**  
**

Groose was puzzled by this. "But didn't he drown? In lava?"

"Well, almost. After you knocked me out cold in Eldin, I fell to the ground along with G.R.O.O.S.E. Upon waking up, I saw this guy washed up on the shore, scorched and mangled. Figuring he'd be of some use, I sort of turned him into a cyborg using parts from your robot."

Groose could see this was true, because Link had started screaming louder and the Bokoblin leader was now shooting lasers as its head did three hundred and sixty degree spins.

"Well, he's a tough one," Groose commented, "he's been killed off like two times before this."

"Yeah, I know." Ghirahim responded. Groose didn't even notice him slowly backing towards the center of the grounds, right around where the seal was.

Ghirahim chuckled a bit, and dropped the soul into the middle of the seal. The was a large explosion, and dark, thick smoke began fuming from the seal. There was a loud crash, and the seal broke into three pieces, and were sent flying into the sky, disappearing from sight. A bright flash went off, and when Groose looked back up, a large, bulky figure stood. His skin pulsated with black, his veins a deep, blood red. His hair was a burning fire, and his eyes burned holes through the soul.

"So… you are the chosen knight of the Goddess. Intriguing…" He said, glaring at Groose.

Groose looked around. "Link, I think he's talking about you." he stated flatly. Link didn't notice, as he continued to remove the crazed Bokoblin. He began slamming him into a wall, which is when the "cyborgokoblin" inserted a drill into the wall from his back. Link and him began spinning around, with Link still screaming with terror and pain.

"Hey… stupid… I'm talking to you." The dark figure pointed at Groose. "Are you not the one that wields the sword of evil's bane?"

"What, this one?" Groose said, holding up the Master Sword.

"Master Groose," Fi said, "This is Demise, the super powerful and super evil being Ghirahim over there has been trying to resurrect for so long. He is the ultimate evil." She formed outside the sword and stood her ground next to Groose.

"So… then only ones involved are you, the fairy, and me."

Ghirahim, who stood off to the side the whole time, chimed in. "Hey, what about me?"

"I said fairy, didn't I?"

"Oh. Sorry."

Demise chuckled, and looked back at Ghirahim. "Thank you for resurrecting me, you useless runt. Time to make yourself useful." Upon saying this, Ghirahim collapsed on the ground. Demise, using his demon magic, summoned a sword from within Ghirahim. Ghirahim was then summoned into the sword which was just created from him.

"Wait wait _wait_… You just took something out from him, then put him into the thing you just took out of him?" Groose questioned.

"Yes."

"How the hell does _that_ work?"

"Demon magic." Demise took his sword in hand. It shined an unholy black, shimmering with darkness. "I must say, you are quite an amusing little human. Most of your kind would simply run or cower, fearing their _demise_. Get it?"

"Get on with it." Fi groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, but you dare to stand against me? And for what? To keep the pathetic world you lay allegiance to? Your race is full of pitiful wastes, not worthy of any minimal power they could hold. Never able to produce anything, staying alone on their island nation. They are worth nothing. The human race cares not for anything but themselves. The end of the world isn't anything they would stand for. Well, except for you, it seems. But truly think, 'hero'. What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk! If you truly desire to raise your blade against the world I would build, come for me."

With that, Demise and his sword began rising up through a pillar of darkness, into another dimension. Before they had fully left the realm of existence, Ghirahim snickered, his voice ringing out as it faded. "_And Groose… the sight of your appalling hair makes my gorge rise!_"

Groose was… Furious. Outraged. Sick with anger! "Alright, let me at him! That's it, he's going down!" Groose marched towards the pillar of dark magic, before Fi attempted to stop him.

"No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS!"

"Fi, the references stop here. I'm done, I am so frickin' done. This flamboyant little brat and his flaming emo master are going to get their asses handed to them, delivered to their front doorsteps by none other than me, the ass postman, proud worker of U-P-ASS, with first ass shitting and first class shipping."

"Geez… calm down." Fi tried to settle him down, to no avail.

Groose turned to his companion, looking her in the eye… things. "Fi… everyone knows I have the slickest pompadour in town. Those fools are about to die. To save the world, and my pompadour. But mostly my super awesome, magically improved, Triforce endorsed pompadour."

Fi shrugged, knowing the fate of the world laid on his shoulders. "Well, there's not much I can do to make you actually prepare for this, or think anything all the way through, for that matter. Good luck Master Groose."

Groose looked ahead, and stepped into the portal of dark demon magic. He was whisked away to the dimension where the world's fate would be decided. Link ran past it, diving head first into the wall, and finally ripping the Bokoblin off of his head. After bashing it on the head a couple of times with his fist, he tossed it off to the side, and noticed Zelda was still floating in mid-air. Oops.


	44. The Groose is Loose

"Ah, so you've decided to meet your end in battle after all. It pleases me greatly to see such misplaced valor, human."

"Are you just going to sit there copying game text, or are we going to battle?"

"Do you see this place?" Demise said, referring to the area surrounding them. It was a place beyond comprehension. The ground and sky never met, the clouds hung in the air. Time seemed to stop. The void of this place was difficult to understand. Groose didn't even know where they were. Demise continued, "Take a long look, for it is all you will see for eons to come. While everyone else suffers my wrath, you will endure your own pains here, forced to live, and die, knowing that you could have prevented this."

Groose pondered this, the full realization of the consequences settling in on him.

"I have harbored such a horrid, _passionate_ hatred for the Goddesses, one that cannot be explained through words, but better served through my blade. This is the blade of their bane, the counter to yours, perhaps the only thing to stand up to yours. Defeating the Goddess's chosen hero should serve as a harbinger to those in the world of the mortals. When you fall, it shall echo through time and space itself that the rest of the world is to follow. It shall be mine to dominate… Mine to subjugate… **Mine to rule!**"

Groose took a battle position, holding his sword in hand, ready to do battle for the fate of the world. With his free hand, he stroked him pompadour. He smirked, sending a message of confidence to Demise. The world around him began to come to life, the once serene nature of the alternate dimension was slowly twisted to resemble the nature of a coming storm. The skies were painted a blood red, and the clouds began to darken. Demise scoffed at Groose.

"That is it, now we do battle! You shall fall, and as you do, I shall rise! **Puny mortal, prepare to die!**" And with that, Demise, lunged forward, smashing into to Groose. He stumbled backwards, then regained his footing. He looked back up to see Demise towering over him.

"Is _that_ all you got?" Groose said smugly. Demise swatted him to the side with his free hand, sending Groose sprawling. He got up, and chuckled a bit, keeping his unworried stature apparent to the demon lord.

"That's it? And you call yourself something to rival a _goddess_?" Demise was infuriated, and leapt at Groose. He was hit square in the face with Demise's fist, and toppled over. He flipped backwards, and stood again.

"Oh, I'm _sooo_ intimidated." Groose retorted, spitting out a tooth. Demise walked up to him once more, staring down at him.

"Mortal, what gives you such confidence in your abilities that you don't stand to fight?"

"Because, you can't defeat me, I'm the Goddess's chosen hero, plus I have the Master Sword, and that means-" Groose was cut off by Demise's hand, which took the Master Sword and threw it to the ground. "Well, I'm still the Goddess's chosen hero, and that means-" Groose was cut off by Demise's hand, which took Groose and threw him to the ground. Demise began going on with another speech, but Groose didn't pay attention. Fi had begun speaking from within the sword.

"Master Groose, I sense a very prominent power source emanating from nearby."

"Fi, that's the lightning." Groose pointed to the sky, where storm clouds had begun forming. A large bolt of lightning struck down, then another. Demise raised his sword and caught the electricity. His blade began glowing.

"No Master, I know about the lightning. I sense something closer by, an unknown power source of great potential." Fi was cut off by Demise, who began laughing. He fixed his gaze upon Groose, who lay on the ground helpless.

"Well, you tried. Almost." Demise raised his sword, preparing to impale the hero. "I shall soon have the power of the Triforce, and then the world will be mine to conquer."

"Well I hope you're good a sliding puzzles, then." Groose taunted.

"Oh, _very_ funny." Demise responded. "You show no fear, something unheard of in any human I've faced. You should be proud of yourself."

"I try my best."

"Now, '_hero_', I am going to slaughter you. But find solace in the fact that you probably did better than the rest of the humans. The world you know will be put to rest, and the rise of a new power shall begin. You have failed." Demise held the sword to Groose's throat. "Any last words before you die?"

Groose picked up the Master Sword, and lowered his head. "No words…" he choked out. He held the blade in the air, pointed to his head. "**…only a pompadour!**" he screamed. The sword filled with a bright, glowing red light. Seeing this, Demise sliced down with his blade, only for Groose to quickly roll out of harm's way. Groose unleashed a beam of energy from the Master Sword, which pierced Demise's heart. He fell to his knees, clutching his chest. Groose let out an excruciated battle cry. "99.79%_ my ass_!"

"Wh… What? Defeated by the likes of you? Extraordinary… I never thought I would fall to anyone, albeit… a human. You truly stand as a paragon of your kind." He coughed, clutching his chest even harder. "You fight with courage unseen and unheard of. However… you still have lost. My hate shall never perish. It shall be born anew in a cycle with no end for the rest of eternity! I will rise again…"

"Are you quite done?" Groose got up, still grasping the sword.

"An incarnation of my hatred shall ever follow your kind, dooming them to-"

"Blah blah blah, we get it, plot points, et cetera. Anything else?"

"I… shall… rise… again… puny hero…" Demise choked out his words, as his body began to dissolve into a dark mist. His sword dropped to the ground, clanging loudly. As it rested, Groose saw the evil aura become absorbed by the Master Sword.

"Master, I can confirm the ass kicking of the Demon Lord Demise."

Groose smiled, knowing his work here was finally finished. He turned around, preparing to exit through the pillar of light that had formed behind him. However, before he could exit, he heard a faint voice cry out to him. "Groose… Please… Don't leave me here!"

Groose turned back around to see the last of Demise's evil aura get soaked up by the Master Sword in his hand. The evil sword Demise had held lay on the ground, vibrating. From its hilt, it slowly began to crack. Pieces began chipping off. "Please… **Save me!**"

Suddenly, Ghirahim appeared, lying upon the sword he had resided in. "Groose, I was misled… Please… Save me!" Ghirahim weakly stretched his hand out at Groose. Ghirahim didn't seem real, he seemed to fade in and out of existence. His appearance looked pale, and at times translucent. Still, he held out his hand.

"Ghirahim… I'm not really sure I should take you with me… I also don't want to touch your hand…"

"Why not?"

"I don't think I should take you with me because you're evil, and I don't want to touch your hand because… aren't you… _you know…_"

"First of all, I'm not evil. The Demon Lord had promised me a false power, one I know never was to be fulfilled. I know the error of my ways! And I still don't know what you're getting at. Tell me!" The sword's hilt was completely gone by now, and the blade had begun slowly falling apart into tiny fragments.

"Ghirahim? Ghirahim, are you… gay?"

"What? No! What the hell would have given you that idea?"

"You tell me,_ Mr. Fabulous!_"

"I'm not gay, _I'm eccentric!_"

"Oh."

"At least you didn't make fun of me for it! **Now rescue me!**"

"Master Groose, according to my calculations, he's actually telling the truth."

Armed with this knowledge, Groose took Ghirahim's hand. He pulled him from the sword, thus saving not only the fabulous man, but also the author's reputation. Groose smiled, knowing that he finally did finish his quest this time. He turned back around, nearing the column of light. Ghirahim walked by his side, happy to be alive.

As he stepped into the portal, however, he felt the Master Sword begin to vibrate furiously. He spun around, and held it in his hands. It began to glow a deep, blood red. A humming noise began to emit from the blade, and Groose threw it to the ground. As it hit the ground, he saw Fi fly out of the sword faster than a Loftwing. She dove behind, er, through Groose for cover.

"Master, I sense an evil presence growing with power within the sword!"

The blade of the Master Sword split in two, breaking apart as the Demon King Demise formed once more before Groose.

"**Ha!** You thought your blade of light could hold me? I cannot be sealed away so easily! The legendary 'Master Sword' is no match for my awesome power!"

Groose looked to his companion for explanation. "Fi… why isn't he in the Master Sword?!"

"Well, if I had to guess correctly, I'd assume that the misuse of the sword's energy capabilities has rendered the sealing abilities for the time being."

"So then what do we do?"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm getting the hell out of here." Fi flew through the portal, exiting the realm. Groose was left alone, with Ghirahim and Demise.

"You…" Ghirahim said, pointing to Demise, "you tricked me! You promised me power! You promised me a place among the highest of entities! You assured me that we would be the victors in the end!"

"Ha, _you_? You were little more than a flamboyant stepping stool for me to reach my ultimate goal, ruling the world! You are of no use to me now, and you shall be discarded as such!" Demise shot a blast of dark energy at Ghirahim, who swiftly dodged it. Flipping his hair back, Ghirahim looked back.

"You used me as a puppet!? I went through all that to revive you, and you treat me so? I trusted you!" Ghirahim cried.

"Trust is not something to be placed so eagerly, my poor, weak friend." Demise said, grinning ever so slightly. He shot another blast, grazing by Ghirahim. He ran to Groose, in desperate need of help.

"Please, save me!" he whimpered. Groose looked down at the broken man, who was at his knees, begging for forgiveness.

"Well, there's really not much I can do at this point. I'm sorry, bu-" Groose's heartfelt response was interrupted by a large blast of energy sent sailing towards his head. Groose dodged it just barely, but when he looked up, the tip of his pompadour had been singed. "Did… Did he just…" Groose was utterly broken.

Demise readied for another blast, which is when something unexpected happened. Groose ran towards him, full speed. Demise unleashed his blast, which Groose took head on. As it struck his pompadour, it faded around him, having no effect. Groose jumped onto Demise, and swung around to his back. He wrapped his hands around Demise's neck, and began squeezing. Try as he might, Demise couldn't reach him, and he fell to his knees, still flailing his arms.

Groose took the Demon Lord, and pulled him to the ground. He let go, and Demise began gasping for breath. Groose calmly walked over, and took the broken blade of the Master Sword in his hands. He forced the blade back together, watching as it refused with the power of the Goddesses. Taking it in hand, he walked back over to Demise. He stood, watching the Demon Lord writhe in pain.

"Again… But how? You… You will suffer… I swear on my blood… You… Will… **Die!**"

Groose took the Master Sword, and plunged it into the skull of Demise, tearing open the scar on his forehead. His face twisted itself with pain, and he fell motionless on the ground. Groose saw the life fade from his eyes. His hair stopped burning, his body stopped pulsating, his veins stopped flowing.

Groose removed the sword from the Demon Lord's head, and sheathed it. Groose lived by few rules, but the most important one was: Do not mess with the pompadour. He walked back to the pillar of light, where Ghirahim stood in awe.

"Thank you for freeing me, Groose."

"You don't mess with the pompadour."

Groose was set loose, and these were the results. Groose and Ghirahim were about to exit, when a heavenly voice began echoing around them. Groose spun around and let out an exasperated moan. "What now? I'm done with this place, I want to leave before anything else happens!"

"Do not worry, my hero. Your journey has reached its conclusion. For now. We have taken Demise's soul, and sealed it away in a place unbreakable by anyone. He is to be sealed away in the Realm of the Goddesses. We thank you for your courage, now go and rest, our hero."

"Who the hell is this?" Groose called out.

"I am one of the three Golden Goddesses, the watches and ultimate rulers over this universe. Now, goodbye Groose. And thanks." The voice stopped echoing, and Groose was happy. Finally, finally, finally, his work here was done. Ghirahim walked into the column of light, heading back to the world Groose knew. Taking one look back, Groose saw Demise's body dissipate into the dark mist it had before, but this time, it became concentrated, before disappearing from the realm entirely. Groose smiled even more, and enjoyed the bliss he experienced in his head.

Groose walked through the pillar of light, and exited the dimension, leaving the empty realm behind him. Groose was returning home, and he was returning a hero.

* * *

**AUTHOR**'**S NOTE: So... did you enjoy that? Yes? That's good. No? Don't lie. You did. This chapter was one of my favorites to write, and I had a lot of fun with this whole story. Now, remember, send me any questions you have regarding me or the story using PM or on Twitter ( HeroOfPompadour). Besides that, I'll probably be compiling some form of little tid bits on the story behind the scenes sometime after this, and there will be an epilogue chapter to wrap everything up for you guys. Thanks for reading! I love you guys, you're the best. Except for that one guy. You know who you are. No, not you. _You._ No, I'm just kidding, I love that guy too. Special thanks to my editor for doing more work than me (most likely), to my girlfriend for constantly pestering me about the word count and chapter count of my story despite never playing any Zelda games (YET), and mostly, to Shiggy Miyamoto, Iwata, Koji Kondo, Aonuma, Regginator, and all the other guys working at Nintendo to bring me The Legend of Zelda. I thank all of you. I need a cookie.**


	45. A Winner is Groose

Groose stepped out into the light of the past, where Link sat, waiting for his companion. Zelda lay in his arms, unconscious but saved. Fi floated next to the two, with an extremely surprised look on her face. "Well, this is a sight I did not expect to see… my initial observations were wrong on many events. Groose, you not only managed to survive, but you defeated the Demon Lord, _and_ brought back… him."

"It's okay. Fi, he's changed." Groose tried to explain.

"He's evil."

"No, no, not evil. He was just a two-dimensional creature lost in our three-dimensional aquatic world, longing for a purpose."

"Okay, seriously, Groose? Without any analysis or observations, I can correctly state that the reference just made has little to no face context."

"It's the meaning that counts, Fi."

"What are you getting at?"

"He was misled, promised something greater than in existence. He didn't know the true consequences of his actions. His understanding of the world had been twisted and distorted by Demise."

"Oh, well okay then."

Ghirahim, who had been standing by Groose the entire time, stepped forth to speak. "Groose, Fi, Link, Zelda, I am truly sorry for my actions. I never intended for any of this to happen. I promise from this day forth never to do evil again. I give you my honor, and believe me when I say, I am glad to be free from Demise's reign of terror, and I am glad to have helped you stop it."

Groose smiled, and he, Fi, Ghirahim, and Link, carrying Zelda, walked up to the Sealed Temple so to return to their own time. They all walked through the gate, and were spit out back in the present time. Elsewhere, the author let out a long sigh. He was happy that there wouldn't be any more time traveling shenanigans to deal with for a long time.

"Welcome to my temple!"

Groose and company entered the present once again only to find everything as they had left it initially. The surface was at peace, and the world saved. Everyone had finally reached a happy conclusion, and nobody was left in harm's way. Every single mortal being in the universe had been saved, and they could all go back to their happy, carefree lives.

* * *

"Oh Goddess, we're going to die… we're going to die in this miserable hole, and this is all Groose's fault…"

Moans and cries for help rang out from the city of Skyloft, which lay in complete ruins. Gaepora had finally woken up from his coma, and returned to a city he didn't recognize. The once peaceful town, the one he had grown up in, the one he had lived in, the one he governed with his heart, was broken beyond repair. He had made an attempt to round everyone up in the town plaza, which proved more or less successful. He addressed their concerns, stating there was really nothing else they could do.

"We're done." he said, sulking.

"Hey! Guess who just saved the world!" Groose screamed with glee from his Loftwing. He lept off, doing a flip and sticking the landing. "This guy!"

The masses had a few scattered claps, but nobody really cared, because they were all going to die regardless.

"Groose, you do realize what you've done?" Gaepora asked. "We have nowhere to go, nowhere to live, and now, nowhere to die. While you were gone goofing off on islands and what not, we were here, suffering at your expense. I never should have entrusted you with that sword. This stands as my fault."

"Why don't you guys all just come with me and live on the surface?"

"Wait, you mean it actually exists? You weren't messing with us? You were serious? That sword… the legend… it's true?"

"Yeah. Come on, wipe those dopey faces off. You can all live in a place I like to call… **Grooseland**!"

Someone in the crowd whispered to another, "He can't be serious."

And so, with some hesitation. Groose led the flock of migrating Skyloftians and Loftwings down to the surface.

* * *

"Wow, this isn't so bad! Thanks Groose!" said the little Gully.

"Don't mention it." As Groose received many thanks for the new home, he made his way back to the Sealed Temple. There was some personal business to finish up. His pace broke out from a brisk walk to a sprint. He could see the temple in front of him, growing nearer the faster he went. He ran through the doors, shoving them open with haste. He sprinted over to where Link sat, still holding Zelda in his arms.

"Is she going to be okay?" Groose asked, hoping to lift the burden he had rested on his shoulders for so long.

The old lady stepped forth, giving her explanation. "Well, yes and no. You see, due to her exposure to Demise's evil, her mind was tainted. Being as though she's a Goddess, however, her mind has shed itself of the darkness. She may not remember a lot, if anything, about this whole journey. But yes, she will live."

Groose wasn't really paying attention until that last part, when she said 'yes'. He was overjoyed by this, and began smiling from ear to ear. As they waited, Zelda's eyes fluttered, and Groose clumsily pushed Link out of the way as he held Zelda in his arms.

She uttered a single phrase. "I'm glad it's over." Groose wrapped her in a huge hug, which woke her up pretty quickly. He eventually let her go, and she stood on her own two feet for the first time since being kidnapped by Ghirahim in that very temple. As Link, Zelda, and Groose celebrated the victory, Fi called Groose over to the side. She had been patiently sitting on the Master Sword pedestal.

"Master Groose, I am experiencing a human emotion known as happiness. This is most likely because I am so overjoyed that I will never have to see you again. Thank the Goddess Hylia. Goodbye Groose."

"Aw, I'm going to miss you too, Fi!" Groose said, choking back tears.

Fi disappeared into the sword one last time, and Groose jammed it into the pedestal. It wasn't anything spectacular, but it resembled the end of a budding friendship for Groose, and the end of a tortuous journey for Fi.

As Groose walked away from the pedestal, Fi called to him once more. "Okay… I may have been a bit harsh. Groose, while I may not have particularly enjoyed your company at points, overall I'd say we had a pretty good run. As I prepare to rest forever, I just wanted to let you know two things; one, I don't hate you that much. And two, the batteries are nearly depleted. Goodbye Groose. And thanks."

With even more tears in his eyes, Groose watched as his friend and loyal companion faded into the Master Sword for the rest of time. Or something like that, he wasn't really sure what she said. What was a battery, anyway? His attention was quickly diverted back to Link and Zelda, who were in a lively conversation.

"So yeah, I saved the entire world, and you!"

"You did? That's amazing, Link!"

Groose couldn't believe it! Link had gone behind his back and convinced Zelda that _he_ had saved the world, not Groose! That was preposterous! Groose ran down, ready to defend his title, when Link held up his hand.

"Well, I must be off! A hero's work is never finished, I must add! Goodbye, Zelda. I'll see you sometime later." And with that, Link walked out the door, chuckling to himself.

Groose hung his head, still in disbelief. After all he had done… Oh well. At least _he_ knew what he had done. That was the only thing that really mattered. Oh, and his pompadour.

He and Zelda walked out side by side, whilst the old lady waved to them in the background. They walked into a small clearing in Faron. The birds were scattered on the ground, chirping their songs. The green trees were teeming with life. The world seemed so carefree, so lively, so bright. The world was free, eradicated of evil. The sun was off in the distance, peeking through the clouds. The sky was a mix of orange, red, purple, indigo, and finally a deep, deep blue. The colors seemed to melt into the horizon.

Suddenly, Zelda leaned over to Groose. To reach his head, she had to be standing on her tip-toes, but she leaned over to him and whispered a single word. "_Thanks_." She briefly kissed him on the cheek. As she fell back down to the ground, Groose began to blush. He was stunned. Zelda giggled as Groose stood in his dazed state. "Duh huh huh… Aw, it was nothing."

* * *

_And so, everyone was left in a more or less better state than during the course of our adventure. Link became accepted back into normal society as someone with a brain, although his story didn't stand for too long. Zelda ratted him out and he was exposed as being a side kick, much to his chagrin. They still loved him anyway. Zelda was reunited with her father, and hasn't been kidnapped since. Gaepora ordered the rebuilding of society, this time relocated in Grooseland. The town slowly began rebuilding itself. Meanwhile, Gaepora made a solid attempt at recovering from his drinking problem. Ghirahim, abandoned and without a home, decided he would become a Kikwi. The Kikwi tribe gladly accepted him, and proceeded to "acquaint" himself with their "customs". Fi fell into a deep sleep inside the Master Sword, albeit upside down due to her bed still being attached to the ceiling. Grannie sat in her temple trying to remember what she was going to tell Groose. Demise was sealed in the sacred realm of the Goddesses. And finally, Groose, our hero, became a living legend throughout Grooseland. His pompadour is thriving, and his status as hero is recognized everywhere. Thanks Groose, you're the hero of Grooseland. Finally, peace returns to Grooseland. This ends the fan fiction._


End file.
